She Who Was My Love
by Forgotten Conscience
Summary: Sequel to Forgotten Conscience, Faith attempts to deal with the consequences of the events after the battle with Omega. But how well will she do? And what will her friends do to help her?
1. Aftermath in Flashback

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 1**

Aftermath in flashback

 **Author's Notes:** New year, new stories. I was looking for something to write over the holidays and I couldn't let this go. So here it is. I hope you like it.

 **Willow's POV**

"So what do we do?"

 _Well that's the question isn't it?_

"There isn't much we can do Joyce."

 _I honestly don't know what we can do. It's been three months since it all happened and I still don't know what to do. At first she seemed okay, well as okay as anyone could be if they'd lost the love if their life. She made it through the funeral without breaking down, clutching to Joyce for dear life._

 _Dressed in an all black suit, tear stained cheeks never letting up as Buffy's casket was lowered into the ground. I shed my share of tears that day as the best friend I've ever had was put to rest. But when it was all said and done and I cried until I couldn't cry anymore, all I could think about was Faith and how she was hurting._

 _Afterwards she seemed okay. She came to the Scooby meetings and talked about whatever big evil decided to set up shop since Omega bit the big one. She even invited Spike to the meetings cause of how he'd helped out during the big fight. And then she'd go out and slay, she even asked me and the gang along sometimes, when she was sure we wouldn't get hurt. She was unstoppable, she was like this force of nature tearing through anything and everything that could hurt people but leaving the harmless demons alone. She said Buffy never would've hurt them so neither would she._

 _But any evil demon was dead the second it stepped through the city limits, and given the power Faith has at her fingertips I'm not surprised how dead they got. I managed to hack into the hospital records, whose halls were now Omega free thanks to Faith, and we found out that what Omega had done to her was the reason she was able to kill him. The drugs that were supposed to give her the power to kill Buffy were actually dependent on the spell focusing that power toward Buffy._

 _But with the spell broken through their love, Faith's slayer healing simply absorbed the drugs into her system, making her stronger than any slayer before her... even Buffy. But things were not all systems go in the slayerverse. The demon population may have become a staggering minority in Sunnydale. They had gone down by 75%... I had the numbers done. There was one place Faith wouldn't go._

 _One place she avoided at all costs, and the last quarter of the evil demon population had decided to set up shop there because of it. But that is by no means the worst of it. The worst of it was that Mrs. Summers told us that Faith had all but stopped sleeping. Faith moved into the Summers home a couple weeks after the funeral at Buffy's mother's request. I think Joyce, she asked me to call her Joyce after everything we've been through, I think Joyce just believed that it's what Buffy would've wanted._

 _We've never really talked about it, it just doesn't seem important. But Faith's lack of sleep was important, she couldn't function like that. Joyce told us that Faith, for whatever reason, had all but stopped sleeping. And when she did sleep it was never for a full 8 hours. Joyce said the longest she'd seen her sleep since it became erratic was 3 hours. The reason Joyce noticed this was because when Faith woke up she would wake Joyce up with the sounds of her leaving to go slaying._

 _The most disturbing part though, was there was too much food in the kitchen. I know from experience with Buffy that after patrolling slayers can get really hungry, but if Faith was eating she wasn't eating at home. Something had to be done. But the second we brought up the subject she bolted like there was no tomorrow. All of the sudden it wasn't safe for us to go patrolling with her any more. She stopped coming to the Scooby meetings, she just spent all her time patrolling for something to slay._

 _We couldn't get near her. She wouldn't stay still long enough to say two words to us. But we kept trying, and every time we caught a glimpse of her she looked more and more tired. But she never let up. We even went so far as to call Angel to see if he could help. He came down for the funeral and spent some time with her. He said she was grieving and that she cried a lot when he talked about how incredible Buffy was. But he said that she'd be okay eventually. I guess she was hiding what she was feeling behind her grief._

 _This time when he came down he had to track her down, and he said it was a lot harder then he thought. But when he caught up with her he managed to have a conversation longer than 30 seconds. She was dodgy at first he said, asking about Cordy and Wesley and how he likes living at a hotel and all that. It wasn't until he finally ran out of things to talk about that Angel finally brought up what I told him about Faith. And then she got dodgy again. He said she tried to talk about something else, anything else, but he kept pushing._

 _He told me that it was only after she tried to kill him that he finally let up. And then she bolted... again. But before she left she told Angel one thing, I remember it as if I had heard the words come from her myself._

' _I promised Buffy I'd keep her friends safe. And I'm gonna keep that promise, even if it kills me.'_

 _And then she was gone. Angel said if he had pushed her any further she probably would've killed him. He tried to track her down again but he never even came close, so he left her alone. He came back to Giles' and told us what happened. I couldn't believe it, we had to do something. She couldn't keep going like that. It wasn't what Buffy would've wanted._

 _And then it hit me. We have to make her face it. She has to face the one thing she doesn't want to face. And to do that we had to make her go the one place she didn't want to go... to the one graveyard she never visits. We had to get her to visit Buffy's grave. But it wouldn't be easy. Even in Faith's weakened state, she was still able to get the best of Angel. So we made a plan._

 _We needed to keep her distracted. If we kept her distracted until it was too late then we might have a chance. So we got a hold of Spike, and he was all too happy to help. Spike and Faith had sorta become friends since Buffy's death, before she became reclusive girl. They didn't really like each other, that much was obvious, but they were both loners by nature, and that made them friends I guess._

 _Spike didn't talk about the past. And Faith had no intention of talking about anything but the here and now, which worked out well for the both of them. It would always come up with the gang and I, no matter what we talked about, the subject of Buffy would come up. We learned pretty quickly that Faith's true love, and our best friend, was not to be discussed in Faith's presence. So instead we would just sorta stop talking when the subject came up until one of us could bring up another topic._

 _But that apparently didn't happen with Spike. It was all on our minds that night though, even if we never said it. We tried to keep our thoughts on other things, which got easier when we caught up with her a few blocks from our intended destination and actually talked about those other things. If Faith had been more alert she might've seen what we were doing. But as she was, we were enough of a distraction to keep her from seeing. It wasn't until she recognized one of the crypts we were headed for that she started to go nuts, and that was when they grabbed her._

 _Spike and Angel grabbed her and she started asking what was going on. So we dragged her, kicking and screaming at us not to make her do this, toward the one thing she'd avoided for 2 and a half months. It took us 20 minutes just to get her to look at Buffy's grave but she did. She looked at Buffy's grave and broke down. She fell on all fours and cried. She crawled over her lover's grave and just collapsed on top of it, her tears soaking the soil. She lay there and cried every last tear she had in her, clawing at the ground in an attempt to get closer to her._

 _Faith cried so hard she passed out from exhaustion. She wasn't hurt in any physical sense of the word, but after almost 2 weeks of getting less than 3 hours sleep a night and the emotional shock of what had happened she just couldn't take it anymore and passed out. So we made sure she wasn't in any danger of physical damage and then Spike picked her sleeping form up and carried her home. One of us stayed with her at all times while she slept for a day and a half straight._

 _I was on watch when she woke up. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up. I was surprised to see her wake up. We all figured she'd sleep longer. But she sat up and took a look around the familiar bedroom. I asked if she was okay and she didn't respond right away. She just closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh._

' _Get out...' was all she said._

 _But I was so determined to help I asked again, this time asking if I could get her anything too. She didn't say a thing she didn't even look at me. It wasn't until I tried to ask again that she told me to get out a second time. So I did._

 _That pretty much brings us to this moment. Faith has spent the last two weeks up there in her... in their room locked away from the world refusing to let us even open the door while she's conscious. It's only when she falls asleep that we can get in to check on her. She seems to sleep pretty peacefully most nights, not sure where to put that one exactly but at least she's sleeping. That's a good thing... isn't it?_

 _She has the occasional bad night where she doesn't sleep so well. But at least she's eating the food we leave her. That's why I'm here tonight though. The last two nights have been rough nights and the last meal was left uneaten. Things could get rough again, and we have no idea what to do._

"Faith loved Buffy... Faith still loves Buffy, totally and completely. There wasn't anyone Faith loved or trusted more. But it was more than that for them, their love was foretold. At least we think it was. Giles says the Book of Karameth doesn't mention them by name, but it talks of two forces of good with darkness inside and that's what a slayer is. A slayer is a force of good but their power comes from a dark place. And there never was more than one slayer at a time until Buffy came along. How many people can say their love was foretold? I don't know any. Their love brought them together in ways most of us can only dream about. For Faith to lose Buffy the way she did, well... I can't imagine the hell she's going through."

Joyce looks down at the coffee in her mug she brewed not 10 minutes ago in her kitchen down the hall.

"So what do we do?"

"I don't know Joyce, I just don't know."

 _I do know, at least I think I do. I just don't know if I can admit it to her just yet._

 **End of Chapter 1**


	2. Peace is never easy

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 2**

Peace is never easy

 **Author's Notes:** So, I am not a big fan of trigger warnings but things get a little dark in the next chapters. It may not be suitable for everyone.

 **Faith's POV**

 _She's leaving me... again. She used to be here. I could smell her here, I could feel her here. But every day I wake up and I feel like another little piece of her has slipped away from me. A piece of her clothing doesn't quite smell like her anymore. One of her things just doesn't seem to be where she left it. I tried to leave everything the way it was but... it doesn't feel right somehow._

 _It doesn't feel exactly like her room anymore. It feels like... our room, and it sickens me. Because I know that soon it won't even be our room, it'll be my room. Everything that was her will be stripped away, by me. And I hate her for it. I hate that she left me here with nothing. Nothing but these few small mementos of the person I once knew._

 _Her room, her stuff, her bed... the bed on which I made love to her that night. The night on which I touched, and tasted, and kissed her with every drop of passion I had in me. The greatest night of my life happened right here on this bed. It was on this bed that I spoke the words I never thought I'd say to anyone. It was there that she said them back to me and I knew them to be truth. But here is where she said she'd always love me. Here is where she said she'd never leave me. But she did and it makes me hate her even more._

 _I don't want to hate her, I wanna love her and be comforted in the knowledge that she loved me back with her last breath, but it's the last breath part that hurts me the most. She took her last breath and left me. She left me alone in this place, with these people. She left me alone with the people she asked me to protect. The people who couldn't leave well enough alone and let me forget. Forget about the one person in this pathetic world that made life worth living. Forget about the woman I love._

 _I didn't want to forget, but I had no other choice. Thinking about her was tearing me up inside, I had to stop. I tried so hard to forget, but everywhere I went she was there. I could see her in her friends. I could feel her in the places I would go. Every time I heard a slow song, at the Bronze, on the radio, I would think of her and I would cry. But the worst was the dreams. Every night I'd try to sleep and every night I would dream about her. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, her lips, every part of her was burned into my memory on the night we made love for the first time._

 _And every night I dreamed about how I let her go, about how I let her die without fighting to save her, about how I killed her. So I slayed... I slayed as much as I could but the more I did the more I felt her everywhere I went. Had she been here? Had she slayed here before? Had she killed this type of demon before? I couldn't get away from her. And then her friends made sure I'd never get away from her again. They took me to her grave._

 _They said it was for my own good, that I'd feel better because of it, but I stood at her grave and looked at her gravestone... and I knew I'd never be okay again._

' _Buffy Summers_

 _1981-2001_

 _Beloved friend, Daughter and Lover_

 _She died so that we might live.'_

 _And now I'm here, alone, surrounded by that which once was hers. I hate her for it... I hate the woman I love. God why won't it stop? I... I have to make it stop I... it won't stop I... make it stop._

 **Spike's POV**

 _Well here we go again. I do this every few nights while I'm out on patrol and I don't know why. Willow and the gang asked me to take over after what happened to Faith when Captain Forehead and I dragged her to Buffy's grave the way we did. And now I keep coming back here and I don't know why._

I kneel down at Buffy's grave, staring at the headstone... wondering why the hell I'm here.

 _Maybe it's the Faith thing. We're kinda friends now after all. She's pretty cool if you take the time to get to know her, course actually trying to get to know her is like pulling teeth. It started out as just something Willow asked me to do, look after Faith while she's out slaying. I didn't really wanna do it, but when Red told me that none of the Scoobies could get near her, and I realized having the slayer who killed Omega as a friend? Could be beneficial so we started hanging out, not that she wanted me around at first but I got involved in a few scraps with those demon-y types she was fighting and she seemed to appreciate it._

 _She never said so but I know slayers, and I was starting to get a handle on this one. I started coming to the Scooby meetings and we'd go out on patrol. She didn't actually say 'come on let's go patrol' but I'd be out minding my own business and all of the sudden a fight would break out in front of me and she'd be right in the thick of it. So I'd have to fight, mainly to save my own skin but also because I love a good spot of violence now and then..._

 _When the fight was over and the slayer and I stood victorious we'd go looking for another fight. We didn't talk. We literally never said a word to each other. We just went about our business and it's like we just happened to do it together. But she doesn't like me, and I don't like her either. She's a slayer, I'm a vampire... cosmically speaking one of us should be dead by now from the time we've spent together. And if I ever got this chip outta my head it would most definitely be me._

 _I saw the power that slayer had, I saw it when she killed Omega. I even sensed it when I watched the slayers dust 20 vamps in one go that night. It's why I turned down John's offer to take my chip out. Cause I know the second it comes out I'm gonna end up on the pointy end of a small wooden object. I may have taken on two slayers in my day but this bird is in a class all by herself._

I stand up and get back to patrolling.

 _And she's hanging on by a thread. I could see it when we were fighting demons. She looked even more tired every time I saw her. She's really broken up about Buffy's death and there ain't nothing we can do about it, which is not to say we didn't try. But seeing as how I'm doing patrols alone because the slayer's out of commission, I'm guessing we made things worse._

 _Course Caveman brow left shortly after Faith barricaded herself in her room. Said he had to get back to his life in L.A. Nice guy that Angel bloke... poofter, running back to his life when his so-called friends need him. He did make sure to give the obligatory 'if you ever need my help just call' speech. God I really hate that loser._

A demon comes out of hiding and tries to attack me.

 _Oops, looks like I got bigger things to deal with._

 **End of Chapter 2**


	3. Helping the hopeless

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 3**

Helping the hopeless

 **Author's Notes:** Again, things are going to a very dark place. Be aware of that before you read it.

 **Willow's POV**

"I don't like it. It's too risky."

 _It scares me too. I've never done something this big before._

"I know but... but Faith's coming apart you guys, you've seen it. It's really bad."

"I know Will. It'll be okay she just... she needs time to deal with Buffy's death. We all went through it after it... happened."

Tara, Anya, Xander and I all get really quiet for a moment.

 _I'm gonna change it all. I'm gonna help Faith by giving her back the one she loves. I'll give them both a second chance._

"I know we all went through it but the rest of us didn't lock ourselves in our room and refuse to leave. She needs our help, and this may be the only way to help her."

"She's gone Will. We can't just... bring her back."

"We can Xander, I did the research. We all did after her death because we wanted her back and we love her."

"Yeah we did, before we decided it wasn't right. We all did the research, without Giles."

 _Giles?_

"What does Giles have to do with this?"

"You know as well as I do that the only reason Giles isn't here with us, why we didn't involve him in the research is because Giles would never let us do it. He'd tell us it was wrong. That we were messing with the natural order of things."

"Giles just doesn't understand how important Buffy is to Faith. She's lost without her. And besides, Buffy didn't die a natural death. She died because of the blast from Omega. You can't mess with the natural order of things if the death wasn't natural."

"How do we know that? Every book we read believes that death of any kind is natural."

"So you think it's natural for someone to die of a massive blue energy blast from a million year old demon bent on destroying the world?"

He shifts uncomfortably and so do Anya and Tara.

 _Are they all against me on this?_

"Not when you say it like that, but Willow..."

"Buffy didn't die a natural death. She could be in horrible pain, not unlike Faith is. Faith is in her own private hell right now, and Buffy might be too. I won't leave them there like that."

There are another few moments of silence in the room before Xander speaks up.

"What about Joyce?"

 _Buffy's mom..._

"We should tell her shouldn't we? I mean what would she think if we bring her daughter back from the dead and don't tell her?"

 _They aren't wrong, but..._

"What if she..."

"WILLOW! I'm... I'm not saying I can do this but... but I won't do this unless Joyce is okay with it."

 _He's right, we have to tell her._

"All right, I'll talk to her. See if she's okay with it."

I get up to leave.

"Tara and I have to go take over Faith watch from Joyce anyway. I'll ask her about it then."

"Thank you, Willow."

I smile at Xander.

"So... Scooby meeting adjourned?"

He smiles back tentatively.

"Adjourned..."

"Okay."

I reach for Tara's hand and she takes it as she stands up.

"We'll reconvene here tomorrow after I talk to Joyce right?"

"Sure whatever..."

Tara and I leave Xander's place.

 _He's not completely on board yet, none of them are. But if I can get Joyce to let us do it, then everything will be okay. I just... I don't know if I can convince her._

 **Faith's POV**

 _It has to stop. I have to make it stop. There's only one way to make it stop._

I open the door to our room and quietly go down the stairs, tears stinging my cheeks.

 _I have to make it stop._

I look into the room and manage to make out Joyce sleeping on the couch through watery eyes.

 _She must've been tired and passed out, good. She can't stop me until it's too late. I have to make it stop and there's only one way to do it._

I wipe the tears out of my eyes as I walk into the kitchen and look around.

 _It has to stop... I have to make it stop._

I take the knife from its sheath among the other ones.

 _It won't stop unless I make it._

I start back to my room with the knife.

 _I know I can make it stop, and then we can be together._

 **End of Chapter 3**


	4. Suicide

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 4**

Suicide

 **Author's Notes:** One last time, I'm warning people about how things are going to get dark before they get better.

 **Willow's POV**

I knock one more time before using my key into the Summers home.

 _I don't like using the key but Joyce said I should have one in case. She didn't say what that case might be but I wasn't about to argue with the kind of things that happen to we in the Scooby gang, it might be anything._

Tara follows me in.

"Are... are you sure about this?"

"It'll be fine, Joyce gave me a key remember?"

"You k-know what I..."

All of the sudden she stops and gets this weird look on her face.

"What is it Tara?"

"I don't know... I have this feeling like... I don't know."

I go a little further into the house and I see Joyce lying on the couch.

"Joyce?"

She stirs a bit and wakes up from her slumber.

"Joyce, are you okay?"

I sit beside her on the couch as she sits up, shaking the cobwebs out of her head.

"Yes I'm... I'm fine. I guess I must have dozed off there for a second. What are you girls doing here? I thought you were having your meeting with Xander, Anya and Giles."

"We were... I mean, we did. It's over. We came to take over Faith watch so you could get some sleep. I guess you got a little ahead of us."

"I guess so."

She gets up and starts toward the kitchen.

"Well let me make you girls some sandwiches or something before I let you take over."

Tara and I follow Joyce into the kitchen as she starts fidgeting around.

"You don't have to do that Joyce. I'm sure we can make something ourselves if we get hungry."

"Willow?"

"It's no problem Willow. I'd be happy to do it."

"W-Willow?"

"Just a second Tara, it's not necessary Mrs. Summers."

"S-something's..."

"I've told you before Willow, you can call me Joyce."

"Something's w-wrong."

 _Wrong?_

I turn to Tara.

"What do you mean baby? What could be wrong?"

"I-I don't know I just..."

"Where's my knife?"

 _What?_

Joyce is looking around the counter.

"Your knife?"

"My favorite knife is missing."

 _Why would a knife be missing? And what does it have to do with Tara's bad feeling? I... OH MY GOD!_

"FAITH!"

I run out of the kitchen at full speed and I'm half way up the stairs as Tara and Joyce hit the bottom of the stairs. I reach Faith's door and start knocking on it feverishly.

"Faith...?"

 _What is she...?_

"Faith, whatever it is we can talk about it."

"GO AWAY!"

I try the doorknob but it's locked.

"Faith you don't have to do this."

I start knocking on the door harder as Tara and Joyce join me at the door. Tara bangs on the door.

"F-FAITH?"

Joyce panics.

"We have to get in there Willow."

"I know."

 _I'll have to use magic._

I put my arms out to get Tara and Joyce to back away from the door.

"I can get us in with magic just... be careful not to get too close. If we crowd her she might do something stupid, if she hasn't already."

"Okay."

"O-Okay..."

I grab the doorknob and concentrate as I shove my shoulder into the door.

"Portas..."

The door comes open and I stop just inside the door.

"Faith!"

She's sitting on the floor, the knife in one hand, the sharp edge of the blade against her other wrist. Tears stain the flat side of the blade.

 _She must've been sitting like this for a while, I have to do something._

I kneel down a few feet away, being careful not to push her too far.

"Faith what's wrong?"

"I-It won't s-stop..."

"What do you mean? What won't stop?"

She presses the blade against her wrist and I know I have to do something fast.

"I have to make it stop."

"Faith, please just give me the knife and we can talk about this. Whatever it is, it can't be worth killing yourself over."

"This is the only way to make it stop."

"What Faith? What is it that you want to stop?"

"MY HEART! It... it won't stop beating."

 _What?_

"I... why would you want it to?"

"Because..."

"Because why Faith?"

"She... she t-told me..."

"Who? Who told you? Buffy?"

"S-she told me once..."

Her eyes squeeze shut and she presses the blade harder against her wrist.

 _I have to keep her talking._

"What did Buffy tell you?"

"She..."

"Tell me what Buffy said Faith..."

"She s-said that, as, as long as I could h-hear her heartbeat she... she still loved m-me..."

She looks at me, eyes red, tears staining her cheeks.

"But I heard it stop Will. I was there when it stopped..."

She looks back down at the knife against her wrist.

"I was there when she stopped loving me."

Joyce gets a little closer.

"Buffy didn't stop loving you Faith."

"Didn't she?"

"Of course not..."

Joyce kneels down next to me.

"That's why she did what she did, because she loved you. She loved all of us, and she still does."

"She loves you Faith. And as long as you remember that, she won't ever really be gone."

Her grip on the knife handle lessens and the blade flattens against her wrist. I hold out my hand to Faith.

"Please Faith, can I have the knife?"

The knife leaves her wrist slowly and she leans in to me as she hands it to me. I pass the knife off to Joyce as I take Faith into my arms and hold her close.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay, I understand."

I rest her head against my shoulder as she holds me a little too tight around the ribs.

"I just... I didn't wanna hurt anymore..."

"I know Faith... it'll be okay. I'll make everything better, I promise."

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..."

"Ssh... it's gonna be all right..."

 _I have to bring Buffy back to her. If I wasn't sure about it before, I sure as hell am sure about it now._

 **End of Chapter 4**


	5. The go-ahead

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 5**

The go-ahead

 **Willow's POV**

 _God that was... I can't believe that just happened. I've seen some painful things in my life but that... I can't believe Faith would just give up the way she did. I have to do what's right. I have to bring back the one person who can help Faith better than anyone else._

I walk into the kitchen where Tara and Joyce are drinking tea.

 _I can see they're just as broken up about it as I am._

I walk over and hug Tara, finding momentary comfort in her arms.

"Is she okay?"

I pull away from Tara to face Joyce.

"I think so. I mean, she stopped apologizing about 20 minutes ago. She calmed down soon after that."

Joyce hands me a cup of tea and I cradle it in my hands as we all sit at the breakfast bar, calming our nerves. Tara is the first to speak.

"Is it? Is it safe to... to leave her up there a-alone?'

I take a sip of my tea before answering.

"I think she's through the worst of it."

"I'm suddenly glad we took all the weapons out of her room last week. She'd have to do something really extreme to hurt herself, and she's in no condition to do much of anything right now."

I take a deep breath.

 _Okay here goes._

"But there's no telling how long that will last. If Faith wants to bad enough she could get herself killed, and none of us would be able to stop her."

I take another sip of my tea and look at Tara. She sighs, still shaken up and nods to me.

 _She knows we have to do this. Tara may not like this plan but she knows it's for the best._

"Joyce, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. I'm not sure if this is the right time with what just happened but..."

"You want to bring Buffy back."

 _What?_

I look at Joyce who's staring at her tea.

"I... how did...?"

 _I don't know what to say._

"Giles told me."

"G-Giles?"

She takes a deep breath.

"I called him once just over a month ago to ask what time your meeting ended and he told me there was no meeting that night."

 _I get it._

"So he investigated?"

"He did, he found out what you were doing and then he told me."

 _He should've told us._

"Why didn't he tell us?"

Joyce looks at me for the first time since I brought up the subject.

"Why didn't you tell him?"

 _She's right._

"I... I don't know. I guess I didn't think he'd understand."

"He might not understand but he's not stupid, and by the way? He understands... for the most part."

"He understands?"

She sips her tea.

"He doesn't like it. You're messing with powerful forces. Forces you may not understand or be able to control. There's no telling what might happen if you don't do everything right, and even if you do there's still no way to know what might happen. I can't say I don't agree with him."

I take a sip of my own tea and stare down into my cup.

"I can control it... at least I think I can. I know, I know it's not gonna be easy... but I think I can do this. I memorized the incantation and we have almost everything we need. But I won't do it... unless you say it's okay."

She lets out a deep sigh.

"I figured as much."

We fall into a deep uncomfortable silence as Joyce seems to consider everything I've just laid on her.

"Ever since Rupert told me what you were doing I've thought a lot about it."

"And?"

"Most mothers would jump at a chance like this, a chance to have their daughter back. But my daughter wasn't just anyone, she was a slayer. It took me a long time but I learned to accept that one day I might lose her. And I think I've gotten to a place where I can live with the fact that she's gone..."

 _I guess I have my answer._

"But then I think about Faith and what she's gone through and my heart just breaks for her. She's not getting better, if anything tonight proves that she's only gotten worse since losing Buffy."

She takes a sip of her tea and then looks at me.

"Faith has become like a second daughter to me. I see so much of Buffy in her. Maybe it's because they were both slayers, maybe because they were so much in love. All I know is, I care about Faith like she was my daughter, and I can't stand to see her suffer the way she is."

She takes a deep breath.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... I want my daughters back Willow, both of them. Can you bring them back to me?"

I lean over and pull her into a hug.

"I will. I'll do whatever it takes to bring them back to you."

She whispers to me.

"Thank you."

She pulls back to look at me.

"We'll deal with whatever the consequences are when they happen."

 _I'm doing the right thing, I know I am._

She looks tired.

"We'll get it done. But you need some sleep, we'll take over watching Faith and I'll talk to the gang tomorrow."

"I don't know if I could sleep tonight."

She takes one last sip of her tea.

"You should at least try."

She gets up.

"Yeah, I guess I should. Watch her closely, would you?"

"We will, get some sleep."

"I'll try."

She smiles at Tara and me before heading up to bed.

 **End of Chapter 5**


	6. Butterflies cast doubt

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 6**

Butterflies cast doubt

 **Tara's POV**

 _This is so wrong. It's so wrong on so many levels. We're dealing with powerful dark forces. Forces we have no business dealing with. There's no telling what kind of consequences are gonna come out of it. Especially with the imbalance Faith created in this town. The hellmouth draws a lot of dark entities to it, but with Faith slaying almost around the clock for almost 2 and a half months evil stopped coming around._

 _Even with Faith the way she is, a lot of demons don't bother coming here. And Spike has managed to take care of any demons that do wanna stir up trouble. The dark powers can't be happy that we're keeping them out of their favorite hot spot, and now we're gonna mess with life and death. The hellmouth is gonna want to balance the scales, and there is no telling what might happen to balance them. This isn't right._

I lift my head from her shoulder.

"Willow?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure about this?"

"You don't want to watch a movie? Okay, we'll do something else."

"That's not what I m-meant."

She turns on the couch to face me and the second her eyes meet mine she knows what I meant.

"I thought we talked about this."

"We, we did, it's just... I'm worried."

"About what?"

"About the spell."

"Tara we went over this. I know the spell, I know the ritual."

"I know."

The pure love in her eyes seems to falter slightly as a questioning look comes over her.

"Don't you believe I can do this?"

"This is bigger than anything, either of us has ever done but that's n-not what b-bothers me."

"Then what?"

"What happens when we do, d-do it?"

"Buffy comes back."

"We're messing with powerful forces. T-they aren't just going to l-let us do this without s-some kind of consequences."

"You heard what Joyce said. We'll deal with the consequences when they happen... and we will."

"We, we don't even know what they m-might be."

Her eyes narrow.

"Don't you trust me?"

I get this horrible feeling in my gut about the way she's looking at me.

"I... of course I trust you Willow. I trust you with my heart and soul. It's the, the forces we'd be dealing with that s-scare me."

She sort of half smiles at me as the love in her eyes returns and she takes my hand in hers.

"I know it's scary baby, it scares me too. But we have to help Faith and we both know that Buffy is the only person who can do that."

I close my eyes and bow my head.

"I... I know..."

She puts her hands against my head and I look at her.

"I need you to believe in me. I need you to believe that I can do this... for Faith."

I take a deep breath and look deep into my beautiful lover's eyes.

 _We have to do this... I don't want to do this, but sometimes you have to do things you don't want to in life to help the people you care about. I guess this is one of those things._

"We have to help Faith..."

"Yes we do, and this is the best way to help her."

"You're right."

"Thank you Tara. I knew you'd understand."

Our lips touch briefly as she kisses me lightly. We cuddle on the couch again but all I can think is...

 _This is wrong for so many reasons._

 **End of Chapter 6**


	7. Things you do for friends

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 7**

Things you do for friends

 **Willow's POV**

"So we're ready then?"

 _It looks right, this should work._

"It seems authentic enough. The last urn of Osiris, this is it."

"And we're really gonna do this?"

I look up from the urn at Xander.

"We all agreed to this. You can't back down."

"But we were just talking then and... and we're talking about bringing Buffy back, from the dead."

"Yes we are... to help Faith."

I put the urn carefully on the table.

"This is kind of extreme for the help department don't you think? We're talking about raising the dead. We should... maybe we haven't... there has to be something we haven't tried that could help Faith."

"There isn't. We've tried everything... Faith just doesn't want our help. She doesn't want anyone's help."

Anya tries to help her boyfriend.

"Well maybe Giles can..."

"Giles can't do anything, he's tried. There's only one person on this entire planet who can help Faith, and that's Buffy. We have to bring her back."

"I know but... Tara, you agree with us don't you?"

We all look at Tara, sitting a few feet from me, head in her hands in seemingly deep thought.

"F-Faith she... s-she..."

"Tara?"

"S-she tried to kill h-herself..."

Xander and Anya all but go into shock at Tara's words.

"I... what?"

"She what?"

I think I hear Tara sob so I step in.

"Faith tried to kill herself."

"W-when?"

"Last night..."

Xander gets up and starts pacing in a panic.

"Well I... I mean how? W-why? D-did she... did she say why?"

I take a deep breath.

"She said she couldn't live, knowing what she'd lost. She said she felt so horrible that there was only one way to make it stop."

"Well I... how did she...? I thought she locked herself in her room."

"She did she... she must've come down from her room while Joyce was resting and took a knife from the kitchen. We found her in her room with a knife against her wrist. If we hadn't been there she, she might have..."

I can't even finish the sentence.

"But you were there, right? I mean she's gonna be okay, isn't she? You stopped her before she could... oh god..."

"Yes, we stopped her before she did any real damage to herself. That doesn't mean she's out of the woods, she's still hurting. Things could get really bad really quickly and if it happens again... I don't know that... we might not be able t-to..."

Xander goes to sit down but stops and paces again.

"Okay so... I, what's the p-plan?"

I pick up the urn of Osiris.

"This IS the plan Xander. Buffy is the only person who can keep Faith from hurting herself. I know it, you know it and most of all Joyce knows it. I spoke to Joyce and she said she's okay with what we're doing."

Xander finally calms down enough to sit on his couch next to Anya again.

"Do we have everything we need? For the spell I mean."

I shift the urn in my hands.

"Yes... I mean almost. There, there's one more thing I have to get before... we should be ready by tomorrow night. We should meet at Buffy's grave before midnight. I'll give you copies of the spell so you know what to say."

"Okay, we'll meet there before midnight."

 **End of Chapter 7**


	8. From the grave

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 8**

From the grave

 **Faith's POV**

 _So... what do I do now? How do I go on like this? Having to live without her. Living without her love, her touch, without the feeling of knowing what's right and wrong. I mean, I know what Buffy would do. And I know that what Buffy would do is the right thing but... why? What would be the point? Why do I care about right and wrong? I cared about Buffy and she was taken from me. Everything that ever means something to me gets taken away from me. My mother, my watcher... Buffy. They're all gone and nothing will ever bring any of them back to me._

 _So what's the point? Why should I care about anything ever again? It'll just end up leaving me. So what do I do now? How do I go on living without someone as incredible as Buffy? How do I live without her beauty to wake up next to every morning? We only had a few short moments together but for me, every moment was a lifetime. Knowing I will never feel that way ever again... it hurts._

 _It hurts more than I can say. I was ready and willing to die to make the pain stop. But things are different. Willow stopped me from doing something that... I realize now would've been monumentally stupid. Buffy wouldn't want me to die. She'd want me to live, to keep fighting, and keep saving the world because that's what B would do. And because it's what she asked me to do... for the good of the world._

 _But part of me still has to ask... why? Why should I do something that will cost me everything I care about and eventually my own life? God everything's so screwed up. I don't want to die but, I don't have any reason to go on living either. I wish you were here B. You'd know what to do._

 **Willow's POV**

 _It's almost midnight._

"Are we ready?"

"I think so, Will."

 _I've got everything I need._

I've got the urn in front of me at the edge of Buffy's grave, it's filled with the blood of the mother and Anya, Xander, and Tara are forming the circle of life at this very moment.

"Okay, light the candles."

They start to light their candles and I take a deep breath.

 _I've got to concentrate to make this work._

I hear a lighter flick several times.

"Anya what's wrong?"

"It's this god damn lighter, it's not working."

"Well make it work, it's almost time."

"I'm trying, I..."

The lighter finally works and Anya lights her candle.

"I got it."

"Okay, we can start then."

I dip my fingers in the urn's blood and paint a cross on my forehead with it. I put a line on each cheek to complete the first part of the blood ritual.

"Osiris, god of all things lifeless. Hear my call... return to us the one we seek."

My skin starts to feel like it's burning off as the energy flows through me.

"Feel our pain. Give us back our savoir, the one for whom her lover weeps."

Then something hits me, like a sword through the gut, making me lurch forward. Something starts crawling up my arms, just under my skin which makes the burning worse.

"Osiris... here lies the warrior of the people. Let her cross over."

 _Oh god... the test, it's happening._

"Willow? What's going on?"

Something starts to crawl into my throat and I almost can't breathe.

 _I can do this, it's just a test. I can do this to help Faith._

Whatever it is gets far enough up my throat that I try and cough it up. It forces it's way out of my mouth and I look down at the snake as it slithers away.

 _I think... I'm okay. I p-passed the test._

My skin still feels like it's burning and it suddenly gets worse.

 _I have to start the rest of the spell._

"Will, are you okay?"

"Let her cross over."

The world around me goes all red and glow-y as the spell starts to work it's mojo. Electricity crackles around me as the energy kicks up a notch.

 _I can feel it... I can feel the power coursing through me and into Buffy's body. I can feel the final piece of the spell coming, the soul. Once the soul passes through me, the spell will be cast and we'll have her back. I just..._

"What the bloody hell is going on?"

I see Spike standing just outside the circle out of the corner of my eye.

 _I can't say anything or the spell will be screwed up. Any non-ritual word could make the spell go wrong._

Xander does my talking for me.

"Spike, what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I was gonna ask you lot the same..."

He comes into my line of view and looks down at the urn in front of me.

"A resurrection spell? Are you INSANE?"

"We're doing this Spike, you can't stop us."

 _Thank god for you Tara._

"Like hell I can't."

I feel the soul pass through me as Spike picks up the urn of Osiris and throws it against Buffy's tombstone, coating it in blood. I collapse on the grass as the spell drains some of my energy and I nearly pass out.

"What are you people thinking? Resurrection spells are the most dangerous kind."

I try and speak but I'm still weak and a little out of it. Tara comes over to check on me.

"We know Spike we... we would've dealt with whatever the, the consequences were. Until you ruined it."

 _Ruined?_

"N-no..."

"Willow, what is it?"

 _I have to tell them. The spell wasn't ruined._

"The s-spell it... I think it, worked."

Tara pulls me up to lean against her and I feel a little stronger.

"But Spike stopped it didn't he? I mean he broke the urn."

I manage to raise my arm to point at the tombstone.

"The, the b-blood... it's t-the final p-part of the spell."

"Are you s-sure?"

My arm drops as I try and nod my head.

"Yes..."

Xander and Anya look around.

"Where is she?"

"I, I don't k-know..."

"You ninnies, she's right where you left her."

Spike breaks the circle and starts clawing at the ground before starting to dig.

 _Oh my god, we..._

"I... I didn't..."

I get up all my strength to try and crawl over to help Spike dig but I'm still really weak.

"You mean... oh god..."

Xander and Anya start helping with the digging.

"How could we... we were so..."

 _She's, she's probably terrified._

"This isn't working mates..."

Spike moves to an upright kneeling position only long enough to draw back a fist.

"We need to put muscle behind it."

He puts his fist straight through the ground to his shoulder. He starts pulling up the dirt faster. All of the sudden we hear screams from under us. Everyone but Spike has the same terrifying thought.

"Buffy!"

We hear wood cracking with the sound of pounding.

 _She's trapped down there in her own grave._

"We have to... get her..."

My head starts to spin and I nearly pass out again. Spike reaches out down into the dirt with both hands.

"I've got her."

He slowly pulls her out of the ground. First he pulls her arms out.

"Buffy?"

She gasps for air as she takes her first breaths of fresh air. I reach over to help her out of the ground as her mid-section is pulled out.

"Buffy? Are you okay?"

Buffy collapses on the ground still gasping for air, shaking, probably from fear and exhaustion. She doesn't say anything.

"Buffy?"

I touch her shoulder and she recoils in terror.

"Buffy it's me, Willow."

She shakily looks up at me.

"That's right, Willow..."

I reach out to her and she recoils even more. She crawls away and curls up against her tombstone.

"It's okay Buffy. Everything is gonna be okay."

Xander comes up beside me.

"We brought you back Buff. You're gonna be okay."

 _We'll take her home. We'll take her home to see Faith, that'll make everything okay._

"Buffy you're gonna be okay. You're back... we can take you home, to Faith."

She looks up at me again, shaking, eyes wide as she leans away from the cold stone covered in blood.

"That's right. We'll take you to Faith. Everything will be okay."

She starts moving away from the tombstone then looks back at it. She freaks out as she reads her name on it, covered in blood. She scrambles away in terror and I grab her as she runs into me. She whimpers in fear as I hold her, trying to comfort her.

 _She's in shock, and what she just saw didn't help much._

"Ssh... it'll be okay. We'll take you home and everything will be okay."

 _I'll take her home and things will work out._

 **End of Chapter 8**


	9. Risen

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 9**

Risen

 **Willow's POV**

I hand my key to Xander and he rushes to the door of Buffy's home. I put my arm around Buffy's back to lead her up her walkway.

 _She's still in shock but she's walking, and I think she's aware of what's going on. She hasn't said anything but she seemed to respond when I said Faith's name which I think is a good thing._

We walk up the porch steps and Xander opens the door for us to walk in.

"See? Buffy? This is your home. You're home Buffy, and everything is gonna be okay. See?"

She doesn't say anything. She just stops inside the door and looks around a bit. I stand beside her as Xander, Anya and Spike come in behind us. Tara looks up the stairs for a moment and then at Buffy.

"I, I think F-Faith is upstairs. I-if you want to go see her."

Buffy glimpses at Tara before staring at the stairs.

 _We should go upstairs and see Faith. They'll both be okay once they see each other._

"Come on Buffy. We'll go see Faith and things will work out."

She sorta nods at me and I lead her to the stairs. I stop at the bottom of the stairs and look back at the gang.

"You guys, you guys should wait here. I'll be right back when..."

I walk Buffy up the stairs to her and Faith's room. We stop in front of the door and I look at Buffy, who's staring at the closed door.

"Are you okay? Are you okay to do this?"

She doesn't do anything. She just looks at the door. I knock lightly on the door. We wait a few moments but no one comes to the door. I knock at the door again and the door flies open. Faith freezes at the sight of Buffy.

"I..."

She glimpses at me and then looks at Buffy, eyes wide, mouth open in shock. I look at Buffy and then Faith.

"I told you I'd make everything better Faith."

Buffy tilts her head slightly and finally speaks.

"Faith?"

Faith's eyes well up at the sound of Buffy's voice. Her lip quivers as she starts to cry.

"Buffy?"

Faith leaps forward, arms open as she hugs Buffy with everything she has.

"Buffy, I... god Buffy I..."

Buffy slowly puts her arms around Faith. I take a step back to let the happy reunion happen.

"Faith?"

"Yes, Buffy it's me. It's me, it's Faith."

Faith pulls away from the hug and cradles Buffy's head to look at her.

"Is it you? Is it really you Buffy?"

Buffy doesn't say anything so I step in.

"It's really her Faith. I brought her back for you."

Faith pulls Buffy back into a hug again.

"Oh Buffy... I-I missed you."

 _This is a private moment. I should leave them to it._

I turn around and walk down the stairs to leave them alone. I get to the bottom of the stairs and walk into the living room where the others are waiting. Spike stands up as I enter the room.

"What happened?"

 _I don't know quite how to answer that._

"Stuff..."

"Stuff?"

"Well that's descriptive ain't it? Mind furnishing us with a few more details?"

"Spike just, shut up."

"Not bloody likely. Not until you tell me what the bloody hell you soddin' Scoobies were thinking, resurrecting the slayer like that?"

He stops pacing and growls at me.

"We did what we had to."

"You morons, you have no idea what this kinda mojo'll do."

"I know there are consequences Spike. We all knew that going into the spell."

"Bollocks! You couldn't possibly know how bad the consequences could... ARE gonna get now that she's back. We're all in for a world of hurt."

"We did it for Faith. We did it to help her."

He stifles a scream directed at me.

"I wanted to help her as much as any of you but I wasn't about to raise the dead to do it."

Xander gets in Spike's face.

"She tried to kill herself."

"So?"

"We had to do something."

Spike tries to get one up on Xander by arching up on the balls of his feet.

"People try and kill themselves all the time mate. But their friends don't generally resort to the black arts for counseling tips."

Xander pushes Spike and he stumbles back slightly.

"Why are we even talking to evil dead here? It's not like he cares about anyone but himself."

Spike pushes Xander back.

"I care about Faith..."

He gets this confused look on his face for a split second.

"Odd as that might sound to you lot. But she's a good person and you ponces just made her life infinitely more complicated and you know it."

 _No, we didn't._

"We made things better."

"How can you people be so blind? What happens if you find out later on that something went wrong with the spell? You all know there's only one of you Scoobies with half a shot of stopping Buffy. Do you really expect Faith to just let Buffy go after getting her back? The woman couldn't let her go when she was dead and gone. I don't see her giving up the live version any time soon, do you?"

"I..."

 _He's, he's not wrong._

"And if Faith won't stop her, who will? You fixin' to go up against two mightily pissed off slayers Red?"

"Well I..."

"Didn't think so. You better hope things don't go all wonky with..."

 _This has to stop._

"Shut up Spike! Things didn't go wrong. Buffy is alive and she's okay and she's gonna stay that way. Whatever happens we'll deal and we'll be okay."

"Fine... you people deny things all you like. I'll be leaving before the massacring starts."

Spike walks off in a huff out the door.

 _Screw what Spike says, we did what was right and everything will be okay... won't it?_

 **Faith's POV**

 _I don't know what to say._

I'm sitting on the opposite edge of our bed with the woman I love and I have no idea what to say. I look over at her just to be sure she's really there.

 _She's here, she's really here and there's so much I want to say but when I try nothing comes out. I feel like I should say something. I should tell her that I love her. That I never stopped loving her with all my heart but I just can't get it out._

I turn myself to look at her on the bed, she doesn't move.

"Buffy?"

She looks at me and my heart nearly explodes at the sight of her eyes staring blankly back at me.

 _She's really back._

"Buffy I... I want you to know that, that I l-love you."

I let out a deep breath.

 _That was easier than it could've been._

"I never stopped loving you. I want you to know that."

I look down at my shaky, sweaty hands.

"Before you there was nothing. I was empty. I was dead inside. I tried to fill it with so many things but nothing worked. And then there was you... even with everything I've done, you still found a way to love me. Then all of the sudden my life was okay. I was in love and everything was all right. You loved me and I loved you, I never had that before you, and then you were gone. You were gone and I tried to live with that. I tried to live with that like you asked but I couldn't. I couldn't live knowing I let the one thing, the only thing that ever made my life worth living, die. I let the woman I love, the only person I've ever truly loved, die, and I just couldn't live with that."

I look at her and I see a blank look back at me. She doesn't say anything.

"But... but you're back. I-I... I don't know how, exactly... I-I didn't know any of this w-was even possible but... but... you're back now and everything will be okay. You'll see... I'll make everything better. I know things must have been hard, with the being dead... and then with the not being dead. But I'll do whatever it takes to make things okay, whatever you need. If you want to go out, we'll go out. If you want to stay in, we'll stay in. You don't even have to leave this room if you don't want to. I'll bring you food or whatever you want."

"Faith?"

"What? What is it? What do you need?"

She reaches out and her hand touches mine.

"Just... hold me?"

"Of course."

I move closer to her on the bed and take her in my arms gently.

 _She's back, she's really back._

We lie down on the bed together as I just hold her.

"I love you B."

She doesn't say anything. She just stares into my eyes blankly.

 _She's here... she's here and everything will be fine. So why do I feel like she's not all there? Like her body is here but her mind is somewhere else. But she's here and I love her with everything I am. That's all that really matters._

She turns over, facing away from me as I hold her. I close my eyes and savor the feeling of her against me.

 **End of Chapter 9**


	10. Daylight

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 10**

Daylight

 **Faith's POV**

I roll over in bed as the light from the window shines on my face. I smile at the thought of waking up for the first time in... well a good long while.

 _Buffy is here. The woman I love is here and I couldn't be happier. Buffy..._

I reach over to the other side of the bed and feel the emptiness beside me. My eyes shoot open and I sit up.

 _Where is she? She was here right? I didn't just dream her did I?_

I feel the empty side of the bed and it's warm.

 _No she really was here. I can smell her scent in the room again, it's incredible. It kept fading for so long and now it's back, stronger than ever. So if she really is back then where'd she go?_

I get out of bed and smooth out the clothes I slept in. I comb my fingers through my hair to try and make myself look pretty for her.

 _I don't know what Willow did but Buffy's back now and that can't be easy for her. Whatever she's been through, whatever she's going through I have to help her with it. That's all that's important now._

I walk over and leave the room.

 _I can smell breakfast on the stove, she must be downstairs._

I start my way down to the kitchen.

 _My pain doesn't matter, what matters is her pain._

I hear talking in the kitchen as I head that way. I walk into the kitchen and the whole room seems to shine as I see her sitting at the breakfast bar cradling a near empty glass of orange juice. I'm left without words again as I stand just inside the kitchen, watching her stare at the glass in her hands.

 _God she's beautiful._

"Faith, good morning..."

 _Good morning? Well if that isn't the understatement of the year I don't know what is. It's better than good._

"How are you?"

 _What a question._

"I'm, I'm okay. I'm more wondering how Buffy is."

Buffy seems to squirm at my statement, her eyes never leaving the glass as Joyce and I look at her.

"I'm... fine."

 _Right cause all that lack of enthusiasm in her voice makes me believe her completely._

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I mean... I'm kinda, I don't know. I guess wigged out is the expression I'm looking for?"

I take a few more steps towards her.

"Well yeah I mean, after what you've been through? Anyone would be."

"I guess..."

Joyce looks at me with happy concern.

"Well come on Faith, sit down and I'll make you breakfast."

I look at Buffy and she doesn't seem to respond as I make my way over. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat as I sit down beside her.

"I was just telling Buffy about what's been going on. How you've done so much good for this town. Made it safer for people."

"Oh..."

I look down at my sweaty hands, embarrassed.

 _Why am I so nervous? Buffy loves me and I love her back. Everything is just fine._

"Buffy..."

I reach out to touch her but she pulls away.

"You know, I... I think I'm gonna go take a, a walk."

Buffy gets up and backs away toward the door.

 _A walk?_

"Well... okay, do you w-want me to come with?"

"N-no... I just, need some air."

She turns and walks out.

"Buffy, are you...?"

The door closes and she's gone.

 _What did I do?_

I look down at my hands again, unsure what to do with them. Just then Joyce hands me a cup of orange juice.

"It's gonna be okay Faith."

I pick up the cup and take a sip.

"Is it?"

"Of course it is. Buffy just needs time to deal with what happened."

"Yeah, coming back from the dead doesn't seem like something you just get over."

"But she will get over it. You know that right?"

"I guess..."

"She will, but all we can do for now is love her and help her in any way we can."

"I hope so. I just, I love her so much that I want her to be okay cause... cause if she's not okay then... then I won't be."

I lean against the breakfast bar and I feel like I'm gonna cry. Joyce comes around the bar and puts her arms around me.

"Then you'll be fine, I promise."

"I just... I was so lost when she was gone, but now..."

"Now she's back and you feel even more lost."

"Yeah..."

She lets go and I turn and face Joyce.

"She's only been back for one night and already I feel like everything's screwed up between us. What if she...?"

"Faith you have to stop worrying about what might happen and focus on the here and now. Buffy's alive and she's gonna stay that way. She'll talk to you when she's ready."

 _Right, Buffy's alive..._

"How?"

"What?"

"How is Buffy alive exactly? I mean, I just opened the door and she was there. How did...?"

"Willow... it was Willow."

 _Willow..._

"How did she... oh, magic."

"She found a spell that could resurrect those who had died by unnatural means. She worked on it for months."

 _Months?_

"But, but why?"

Joyce sits down next to me in the kitchen, putting her hand against my back. For some reason it makes me feel better.

"Faith you may not know this, but you're not as mysterious as you like to think. We could see what was happening to you. How you were suffering and trying to keep it all inside. Faith, we care about you, we wanted to help you but..."

"But I didn't want your help."

"So we had to do something, especially after..."

She just trails off.

 _She doesn't have to say the words. We both know what she means._

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me Faith. You don't have to apologize to anyone. I won't pretend to know what you were going through. All I can do is hope that you might get past it one day."

"I don't know if I can."

"Then maybe you should talk to Buffy about it."

"I... no, I couldn't do that to her. She's got enough to deal with right now."

"Faith, right now Buffy is very much confused. She said she was wigged out but I can tell it's more than that. If she knows you're just as confused then maybe you can get through it together. Comfort each other through the times ahead."

 _It all sounds so easy._

"Do you really think that will work?"

"You won't know until you try."

I finally find the courage to look at Joyce.

"Thank you."

I hug her appreciatively.

"Anything I can do to help my daughter."

I smile at her.

 _Buffy has the coolest mom ever._

"I should go find her."

"Okay, just remember not to push her. Let her talk when she's ready to."

I get up and slowly move toward the door.

"Thank you."

She just smiles at me.

"Go... I'll make brunch later or something."

I turn and go out the back door in search of the woman I love.

 **End of Chapter 10**


	11. Pain and Heartache

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 11**

Pain and heartache

 **Author's Note:** Tomorrow's going to be a busy day so I thought I should post this today.

 **Buffy's POV**

 _What am I gonna do? How do I live like this? How do I live with all these thoughts and feelings? Knowing what I know, feeling what I feel. Being where I've... been. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this. But I'm here. I don't have a choice._

I drop my head into my hands on the park bench.

 _I can't do this. I can't be here in this place, with these people. It's so hard just breathing when I feel this way. Empty, alone, trapped inside this shell. I can't live like this. I just can't do it. It hurts too much. But I don't get a choice. I have to live with it._

"Hey B, mind if I sit down?"

 _Oh god... it's her. Of all the people that I can't stand the idea of being around...  
_

"I'll take that as a no."

She sits down next to me.

"So how are you?"

 _How am I? I honestly don't know._

"Yeah well if I had been through what you've been through, I'd probably feel the same way."

 _What is she talking about? I haven't even said a thing._

"Look, Buffy..."

I finally look up at her.

"What do you want?"

She stops dead at my words, cold as they were.

 _Why does that make me feel good?_

She looks at me confused.

"You know what I want B."

She reaches out to touch me and I get this horrible sinking feeling in me, making me slide down the bench a few inches to avoid her. Her hand freezes in mid-air and just hangs there for a few moments before pulling back.

"Buffy I'm sorry about what I said last night..."

 _Oh great._

"Not for the words themselves because I meant every last one but... I shouldn't have done that to you. It's just one more thing you didn't need to deal with."

 _Actually it made a few things perfectly clear._

"But I meant what I said about helping you through whatever you're going through."

We fall into silence together.

 _Oh yeah, this silence thing is really a big help._

"So what was it like?"

 _Did she really just ask that?_

"What was what like?"

"Where you were... what was it like?"

I let my hair fall around my face so I don't have to look at her.

"I don't want to talk about it."

 _I don't ever wanna talk about it._

"Well, okay... you don't have to talk about it."

There's a long pause before she speaks again.

"You wanna do something? We could, go see a movie... or something."

 _A movie...? Don't think so._

"Or we could... Joyce said she was gonna make brunch later. We could go back home, have some good food."

 _Home... she thinks of it as home now does she?_

"Or you know the ice cream place... remember the ice cream place? We could go get some ice cream, if you want."

 _I just want to be alone._

"Come on B, we'll go see the gang. See if there are any big evil things we can pummel for fun."

"Yeah sure... whatever..."

"You know we don't have to if you don't..."

I stand up and start walking.

"Let's go."

She follows me.

 _God I wish she'd just leave me alone. I guess I don't have a choice in that either._

 **Tara's POV**

"And she seems okay?"

 _Well there's a question that can't be answered easily._

"Yeah..."

 _I was wrong._

"I guess... I mean she was kinda out of it for a while, quiet mostly. But she'll be okay."

"Will she?"

"Of course..."

"Buffy has clearly just been through an extremely traumatic experience. She may never come to accept what she's been through."

Willow seems to get more frustrated with every point Giles makes.

"She has Faith to help her."

"Faith herself has just been through a particularly traumatic experience. I highly doubt she is in any condition to help Buffy with her problems."

"She is, I mean, she will... Giles everything is gonna be okay. Faith is okay and so is Buffy, why can't you see that?"

"Because we are dealing with forces beyond our control, and when involved with such forces there are serious..."

"Consequences yes I know."

"Repercussions..."

Giles looks directly at me with his last word.

"I'm, I'm sorry... I t-tried to t-talk her out of, of it but..."

Willow puts her hand up to stop my apology.

"You don't have to apologize Tara. And you can skip the speech about dire consequences Giles, Spike gave us the same high and mighty speech when we brought Buffy home."

"Spike..."

"Yes and I didn't much appreciate it from him either. I know there are gonna be consequences to what we did, we all do and we'll deal with it when it happens. Just like Joyce said."

 _I should've tried harder._

"Joyce sees things through a mother's eyes."

 _I should've done more to try and stop this._

"Yet you left Joyce with the final decision."

"I did so because I believed as an adult Joyce would make the right decision. I realize now I was wrong."

 _There had to have been something I could've done._

"No, you weren't Giles. She made the right call for Faith and so did we. Now come on Giles, I don't wanna fight about this anymore. Can't we just be happy Buffy's back and leave it at that?"

Giles takes a deep breath and cleans his glasses.

"Having Buffy back makes me happier than I ever thought possible, but we still don't know where she was and how she's dealing with it. I have yet to even see her."

"Well you're in luck then..."

We all turn to see Faith and Buffy standing in the doorway.

"Cause here she is."

 **End of Chapter 11**


	12. Better Things Ahead

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 12**

Better things ahead

 **Faith's POV**

We turn the corner on to Giles' street and walk toward his place.

 _We haven't spoken since the park. Partly because I don't know what to say but also because she said she didn't wanna talk about anything. Except I want to talk about stuff. I wanna talk about where she was, about how she's feeling, about how I'm feeling too. But she doesn't wanna talk, so I won't bring it up, despite my nagging desire to talk._

 _I never wanted to talk about stuff before. I was just fine leaving stuff in the past where they belonged. Now all of the sudden I gotta deal with stuff. I gotta learn and grow and all that crap. I care if she cares, I did it all the time before she... and it never bothered me before. I figured that's what two people in love do. But then she was gone and I still cared._

 _I still cared about the things she cared about. I cared about her friends, her family, about saving the world, and most of all I cared about her. My father, my mother, my watcher, I let them all go with little or no second thought about them. But Buffy? Buffy changed everything for me._

 _She didn't go away like the others. She crept inside every part of me and changed me for the better. I need to tell her that, but she doesn't want to talk. Least of all about herself._

We head up the stairs to Giles' place and I can almost make out an argument going on. We get closer and I know it's definitely an argument. I look over at B and she doesn't seem to care, even though I know she can hear it too.

 _Man I'm out of my league when it comes to touchy feel-y sharing crap. I need help, maybe someone who knows Buffy better than me. I know B pretty well, slayer-wise we've got that whole slayer connection thing. But the truth is, most of the time we've known each other we've never been much more than enemies._

 _We never really took the time to get to know each other, which is more my fault than hers. And then we became something more. We became something incredible, and powerful to each other. Something I've never known before. I want that back. But I can't do it alone, I need help._

 _Joyce maybe? Course the way she was talking earlier made it sound like this is something I had to do on my own, so maybe not. Maybe Willow, her best friend. Or Tara... Tara helped us before, we might never have gotten together if she hadn't. I might never have felt the power of true love. Tara will help, I know she will._

We get to the top of the stairs and I can hear Giles clearly as we enter the doorway.

"... I have yet to even see her."

 _It's a good thing I brought her then._

"Well you're in luck then..."

I put my hand against her back, almost presenting Buffy to her friends. But the touch of my hand makes her walk inward out of my reach.

"Because here she is."

No one says anything so Buffy just stands there and waves.

"Hey..."

It's like her voice snaps them out of a trance.

"Buffy."

Willow is the first to crowd her followed by Xander and Anya while Tara hangs back a bit.

"Hey Buffy..."

"You don't wanna eat our brains do you Buffy?"

"Anya!"

"What? It's a legitimate question for a zombie."

"She's not a zombie Anya. Are you Buffy?"

 _Zombie?_

"Xander! She's not a zombie."

Willow slaps Xander in the arm hard.

"Ow! Well come on Willow I mean she does seem kinda out of it."

 _Okay this is gonna stop right now._

I walk over and get between B and her friends. My closeness to Buffy makes her back away from me, putting more distance between us and her.

"All right guys hold up, just back off. She's okay, she's not a zombie, she's just a little out of it cause of... you know, what she's been through."

They all seem to calm down slightly.

"Right..."

"Of course... so, how are you Buff?"

I turn 90 degrees so I can look at both Buffy and her friends for B's answer. She squirms like she's got an itch between her shoulder blades.

"Fine..."

I look at the gang and they seem unconvinced.

 _Yeah I don't buy it either._

Giles stands up from his chair respectively.

"Hello Buffy..."

He looks like he's too British to be happy to see her, but I can tell, and Buffy probably does too.

"Giles..."

Buffy walks over to him, completely ignoring us by going around us. She stops in front of Giles and he smiles British-like at her.

"How are you feeling?"

She takes half a step back and looks away sheepishly, not answering the question.

"I just... I don't wanna talk about it."

Giles glances at me and I give him a 'yeah I know' look. I walk into the living room where Giles and B are standing and the gang follows.

"So, what's been going on? Scary monsters? Apocalypse?"

Buffy sits down in an easy chair, probably to keep anyone from sitting next to her. I sit on the couch with her friends, which is as close as I can get to her for the moment.

"No, we haven't noticed any demon activity as of late."

"Yeah, demon tourism has been way down since you spent all that time slaying."

 _I wish people would stop bringing that up. I didn't do anything, not really._

Buffy speaks up.

"Down but not out."

"Yeah they still come around but Spike has taken care of anything that has."

 _Spike... right._

"Well we don't need Spike anymore. We've got two incredibly sexy vampire slayers to keep the demons away."

Everyone but Buffy smiles at my comment, Buffy just sits there as if she's thinking something over.

 _Don't push... just ask her if she wants to have fun._

"How bout it B? You up for a little slayage?"

"Yeah Buff, how about it?"

She seems to snap out of her thoughts.

"I guess."

 _Good, she's up for it. We can get back to what we do best._

"Cool, so we can... you know go patrol and stuff."

She stands up.

"No it's okay. I think I'd like to patrol by myself tonight."

 _Alone?_

I stand up too.

"Are you sure? I could come with you. They say two slayers are better than one."

"No, I think I just want to get back in the game. Get in a little action before bed."

 _Action... maybe that's what we need to get back to. It's one of the things we did so well together. It could help.  
_

"Then I'll come with. I've been keeping up on the action since you've... been gone. Maybe I could even teach you a few things."

"No I'll just... I'll do better on my, my own."

 _I guess she's not as up for it as I thought. Gotta remember not to push. Maybe she'll feel differently later.  
_

"Well okay... I'll stay here, get the info on what's going on. Fill you in later k?"

"Sure whatever."

"Okay you should go."

"Yeah..."

She turns to the gang.

"I'll see you guys soon okay?"

"Uh, sure..."

"Of course, go..."

After that she all but turns on her heel and walks out.

"Okay I'll see you at... home."

She leaves and I feel like I should be stabbed in the gut... again. I sit down on the couch and hang my head.

"Faith? Are you okay?"

"Fine..."

"Right because we all believed it when Buffy said it too."

"How are you Faith?"

I lean back and let out a deep breath.

"Happy, nervous, terrified, joyful, kinda nauseous, while still being hopeful."

"I see."

"I suppose confused would be the short version."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know exactly. Twice now since she's been, back, I tried to spend time with her and that's the second time she's found a way to bail on me. I can't help but think if I went for third time's a charm it might be going too far."

"She's only been back for less than a day Faith. She just needs some time to process everything."

 _Give her time... give her time... everyone keeps saying I should give her time. I just wanna be with her._

"I just, I feel like I've done something wrong. And all I want is to make it better."

Willow puts her hand on my shoulder.

"You didn't do anything Faith."

"Then why does it feel like I did?"

"Buffy loves you, you know that. We all know it."

 _I gotta wonder._

"Does she?"

"Of course she does. You have to believe in that."

"So you're saying I should have faith?"

I hear Xander stifle a laugh.

"I'm sorry..."

I look over at Xander and kinda half smile.

"It's okay, it was pretty much meant to be a joke."

I lean forward and fight back the urge to cry.

"What the two of you feel for one another should not be considered a joke however."

"That's right, you know what you have is right. That's what's important."

"I guess I'll just have to have faith..."

A chuckle as I sit up.

"Which is good cause we all know I've got loads of that."

We all smile at each other uncomfortably.

 _Okay so that only slightly lightened the mood. We should probably just get off the subject. I'm kinda tired of thinking about it anyway. I wanna focus on something else for now. I just have to hope that things will get better with time. Maybe I'll see about speeding things along later tonight._

"So, has Spike found any new evil brewing lately?"

 **End of Chapter 12**


	13. Evil But Good

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 13**

Evil but Good

 **Spike's POV**

 _What is wrong with people these days? No one ever thinks about what they're doing before they do it. I may not be known as one of the great thinkers of our time but I know enough not to mess with darker forces than me. Bigger and badder forces are bigger and badder for a reason._

 _They like chaos, destruction, pain and heartache. Don't get me wrong I like the last two, but chaos and destruction? Not so much. That's why I helped Buffy stop Angel from destroying the world that one time. I'd rather the world stick around for a while, maybe for eternity if I manage to live that long._

 _The point is, whatever Red tapped into is not gonna be happy it got tapped and it's gonna push back. These Scoobies have no idea what they're..._

"Buffy?"

I stop in the middle of the graveyard at the sight of the slayer a few feet away. She stops and rolls her eyes.

"Spike..."

"How's it going slayer?"

"Fine..."

I start to approach her cautiously.

"Then what's with the solo act? Shouldn't your better half be here with you?"

"Right... my better half, whatever."

 _Something must be going on with them already. Buffy being back, they should be all bells and sunshine. But they're not._

"Everything okay between you two?"

She starts walking away and I follow her tentatively.

"I don't wanna talk about it, especially with you."

 _Maybe she didn't tell her._

"Did she tell you?"

"Who?"

"Faith, did she tell you about me? About how I've been doing your job while you were out. Being all noble and fighting the forces of evil."

"Mom sorta, filled me in. She didn't happen to mention why though. Now that I think about it I gotta wonder myself."

 _Okay, the truth._

"Look, you and I aren't friends..."

"We're mortal enemies."

"Yeah well, Faith and I, we're not."

"You're friends?"

"We're not friends, not in the strictest sense. More like colleagues, or co-workers I guess. The point is I like her. She's so much less of a bitch than you are."

"She can be a real bitch when she wants to be."

"True, but not with me. Which is weird cause she could be, me being a vampire and all but she ain't. She's pretty cool, for a slayer."

"I'm glad you like her, now go away."

"Hey I was just trying to be nice."

"And since when do you care about being nice? Or about anyone besides yourself?"

"You've been gone a while. Things can change in 3 months."

"You're a vampire."

"And?"

"Vampires don't change. They're evil, sadistic, and self-centered."

"So was Faith."

"What?"

She stops and looks at me.

"Faith, your big forever love girl. You remember her don't you?"

"Of course I... what does that have to do with anything?"

"She was evil, sadistic, and self-centered wasn't she?"

"How did you...?"

"Your mates told me all about her, especially since hers truly was quite non-verbal on the subject."

"Did you have a point? Or is bugging the crap out of me part of your whole 'turning over a new leaf' thing?"

"Thing of it is, I wanna help, if you'll let me."

"Really don't."

She starts walking away again.

 _This ain't gonna do nothing._

"Fine, go on then. Just trying to help."

 _Maybe I'll go talk with her better half later._

 **End of Chapter 13**


	14. All Dolled Up and No Place to Go

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 14**

All dolled up and no place to go

 **Faith's POV**

 _When is she coming home?_

I've been sitting here in bed, waiting for her in my best undies.

 _I've got myself all dolled up to look nice, make up, perfume, the whole nine yards. But I've been waiting here for hours, holding the sheets against my chest to keep warm until she gets here. She isn't here yet though. Where is she? Joyce told me she never stays out past 2 am, but it's 3:30 and she still isn't back._

 _I'm worried something might've happened to her, or worse something didn't happen and she doesn't wanna come home, doesn't wanna come home to me. I wanna be with her so bad but, she obviously doesn't wanna be with me._

I hear footsteps downstairs, they're treading lightly but my slayer hearing catches it clear enough.

 _It's her. I'm getting that down low feeling I used to get when she was around. God I missed that feeling. It always made me feel so incredible, so alive. I want us to get that back if we can. There's only one thing that makes me feel more incredible, something I'm hoping will be happening as soon as she walks through that door._

I hear her make her way up the stairs and that down low feeling I get starts spreading through me. I feel her outside the door and it bugs me that she's just standing there.

 _It's like she doesn't wanna come in._

I sit up, letting the sheets drop to my waist and watch the door. She opens the door and the light shines around her like a beautiful angel.

"Buffy..."

She walks in and shuts the door behind her.

 _She looks... tired._

"Where have you been?"

She walks over to the dresser.

"Out."

She takes her shirt off, back to me, and pulls a pajama top from the dresser. She puts it on.

"Are you okay?"

She takes out matching bottoms before taking off her pants and replacing them with the pjs, never facing me.

"Fine..."

 _Why is it I can never seem to believe her when she says that?_

"I was worried."

She pulls the elastic out of her ponytail and puts it on top of the dresser before coming over to the bed.

"Well I'm fine, see? Now scooch over."

 _Scooch over?_

She waves the backs of her hands at me and I understand. I move over to what I guess is my side of the bed and she climbs in. We sit together quietly, me staring at her, her staring at her feet.

"Buffy..."

She turns away from me and lies down.

"Goodnight."

I slide down on to the bed trying to get comfortable. The feel of her lying next to me makes that impossible. I turn to her and kiss the back of her neck. She doesn't respond. I kiss her shoulder and again she doesn't respond.

 _She can smell the perfume on me, I know she can. She probably smelt it as soon as she came in. So why doesn't she care?_

I reach out and caress her arm gently, and get nothing.

 _Come on B, give it up. We both know you want to._

I put my arm around her and press my nearly naked body against hers. I nuzzle my face into her neck and she finally squirms, but not in a good way. My hand moves down her stomach and slips under her pjs, against her panties.

"Faith..."

 _Gotcha._

I flick her earlobe with my tongue and she squirms uncomfortably. She pushes my hand away and moves her body away from mine.

"Buffy, what's wrong? Don't you want to...?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I said no okay? Just leave it."

"But..."

"Faith I'm tired, all I wanna do is sleep."

I slip my hand up under her pajama shirt from behind and seductively push my way up and around her till I cup her lace covered breast in it. I gently kneed her breast, desperate for some sort of response.

"Bet I can change your mind."

"Not really."

 _I guess she really isn't in the mood._

I pull my hand away even though I don't want to.

"Are you sure?"

"Mhmm..."

"Cause if you want we can..."

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm trying to sleep."

I turn over in defeat and stare at the opposite wall.

"Right, sorry..."

 _She never used to be too tired. I know being dead must've been really hard for her but I thought, maybe if I got her in the right mood she might feel better. I guess I tried too soon. She's only been back for a day. She's still getting over, whatever it is she's getting over._

 _I shouldn't have pushed so soon, I should've waited. It was just, she's been gone so long and I haven't... I should've waited. I should apologize to her._

I roll over and am about to touch her.

 _Tomorrow... I'll apologize to her tomorrow._

I roll away from her again and close my eyes.

 _I can make things right tomorrow._

 **End of Chapter 14**


	15. Making Things Better Tomorrow

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 15**

Making things better tomorrow

 **Willow's POV**

I snuggle up close to Tara as she climbs into bed.

 _I love this feeling. I don't know why exactly, but those first few moments when we get into bed together always feel extra special. Every moment with Tara is special but these moments are just, extra, somehow. Maybe it's cause this is the only time I get to feel this close to her, both physically and emotionally._

 _There's something about the way she looks I think. No make up, no perfume, just 100% Tara goodness. She's not afraid to be herself around me and that just makes me feel incredible. Of course she doesn't usually seem so distracted when I do._

"Honey?"

"Hmm?"

 _She's definitely distracted._

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know you just seem a little... somewhere else."

"It's nothing."

 _She never held out on me before._

"Really..."

"Yeah I, I was just... thinking."

 _Thinking?_

"About what?"

"S-s-stuff..."

 _She's stuttering. She only stutters when she's nervous._

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"It's nothing."

 _Nothing?_

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

 _It's like she doesn't wanna talk to me at all._

"Cause it sounds like something."

"I-it's ok-okay. D-don't worry about it."

 _It's me she doesn't wanna talk to. Why?_

"Did I, did I do something?"

She looks at me for a moment and then away.

"No."

 _I did something._

"Cause I feel like I did something."

"Y-you d-didn't d-do anything."

"Then talk to me please? Tell me what you're thinking so I can help... please?"

"T-tell you? Like I don't have a c-choice?"

 _What?_

"N-no, that's not what I... I, I just wanna help. What were you thinking?"

"It was just... Buffy."

 _Buffy?_

I sit up and so does she.

"What about her?"

"I t-think something's w-wrong."

 _Wrong?_

"What do you mean?"

"I d-don't know I just, I feel l-like something's wrong. Like I felt t-the way Buffy felt about F-Faith."

 _Why do people keep saying stuff like that?_

"Buffy is gonna be just fine. Don't you see that? Buffy is alive and everything is fine."

"Except that, except that it's not."

"It is."

"Willow, you saw B-Buffy today. Something is going on with her, something bad."

"Okay so, maybe she's a little 'wigged out' but... that'll pass."

She lets out a deep sigh.

"I don't know that she will."

 _I can't keep having this conversation with people._

"Everyone goes through bad times in their lives. But the way they get through it is by having people who love them help them."

I reach over and take her hand.

"We are those people Tara. We can help her."

"But her life was over."

Tara lets go of my hand and pulls away.

 _What?_

"You s-said, people go through bad t-times in their lives. But Buffy's was over. All those bad t-things were never going to h-happen again. That c-can't be easy for her."

"Was? Were? You keep using the past tense, maybe that's the point. She wasn't gonna have to deal with anything and now she will. Maybe that's what's bothering her. Maybe that's what you guys are picking up on."

"Maybe, I don't know..."

 _I think I'm right about this._

"But these are things that we deal with all the time. That Buffy used to deal with all the time. She just has to readjust to dealing with them again, that's all."

"I don't k-know if it's that s-simple."

"It is... I mean it can be. All we have to do is help her with it like I said."

 _Buffy means a lot to me and so does Faith. They're my friends._

"Okay..."

 _She doesn't seem convinced._

"Tara..."

I reach for her but she turns away and lies down.

"Like you said, we'll help her."

"T-Tara?"

"It's okay. Let's just, go to bed okay?"

 _She's still angry with me._

I lie down next to her and hold her to me.

"Okay Tara, I love you."

I kiss her pulse point and she fidgets.

"I know sweetie, I know."

 _She didn't say it back. She's mad at me more than I thought. It's gonna take more than I love you to make it better, but I will make it better. I'll make it better tomorrow. I have to find a way to make it better tomorrow._

 **End of Chapter 15**


	16. Tomorrow

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 16**

Tomorrow

 **Faith's POV**

I stretch out in bed and yawn as I wake up.

 _Another wonderful day, in this wonderful world, with the most wonderful woman in it._

I open my eyes.

 _Who isn't here._

I rub my eyes to wake up a little more.

 _Her side of the bed is cold. She must've been up for a while. Why didn't she wake me up?_

I run a hand through my hair, still a little curly from last night from when I got all pretty for her and she shot me down.

 _Don't be mad at her. She only shot me down because she's going through something. If this had been any other day, she would've hung me upside down by my toes and had me half way to happy land before the 10 minute mark of her walking through the door._

I stand up and stretch a bit more in the morning sun.

 _But it wasn't any other day, it was last night, and today is this morning and today is the day I make everything better. Today is the day my lover returns to me, the day she tells me what's been bothering her and I help her deal, no matter what I have to do._

I take my bra and panties off as I move to the dresser and put new clothes on.

 _Buffy has given so much to me. She made me believe in love even when there was no reason to, even when I didn't want to. Buffy believed in me too._

I pull on my white muscle shirt and slip into my red leather pants. I stretch one last time before heading downstairs.

 _She believed in me when no one else would, and now I have to do the same for her._

I reach the bottom of the stairs and turn towards the great smells coming from the kitchen.

 _Joyce must be cooking breakfast. God knows Buffy could never make something that smells that good._

I walk into the kitchen and again I'm faced with the sight of Buffy sitting at the breakfast bar with a cup of OJ in her hands, staring down at it. Joyce on the other hand is standing at the stove, flipping pancakes for I'm assuming both of us. I smile as Joyce notices me.

"Morning."

I move into the kitchen more to sit down next to Buffy.

"Morning."

I sit next to Buffy and she doesn't respond, again.

"Hey B..."

"Hey..."

 _I got a response. A response that didn't require her to answer a question, that's good._

"So why didn't you wake me up?"

 _I'm not making it into a thing, I'm just asking._

"Figured I'd let you sleep."

 _Oh, well that makes sense. Of course she's completely lying to me about letting me sleep. She's never lied to me before... except for that one time when I was evil, but she had good reason to lie to me then, and technically speaking it was more Angel lying to me than Buffy. But Buffy never lied to me since we've been together. Why would she start now?_

Joyce comes over and puts a plate of pancakes down in front of me.

"Thanks."

"No problem, how many would you like Buffy?"

Joyce goes back to the stove to make some more.

"It's okay, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Are you sure? I don't mind making a few for you if you want."

"No, thanks..."

Joyce and I look at each other with concern.

 _You know I don't think I've seen her eat anything since she's been back._

"Have you even eaten anything since...?"

The look she gives me makes me trail off uneasily.

"I'm fine okay? Stop worrying."

 _Stop worrying? I don't think that'll happen._

"Okay, sure..."

 _I can't keep letting her shut me up like this. It's not gonna get us anywhere._

"So... what are you girls up to today?"

 _Right, up to... people do things during the day, they have lives._

Buffy just stares at her orange juice some more.

"Oh, well... Buffy if you want we could, um... Spike told the gang he got wind of a vamp nest downtown. I was thinking maybe we could... make a house call or something."

"Sure, whatever..."

"Good, good, we can go after breakfast."

"But, it's the middle of the day?"

"Good for us, bad for them."

I look over at Buffy who rolls her eyes at me.

 _Aw come on, it's a classic joke._

"Oh I get it sunlight is bad for a vampire's complexion."

"Yup, makes for easy slayage."

 _And Buffy and I can get back to what we do best. Well one of the things we do best anyway._

I check my lack of pockets.

"Hey B? I left my weapons upstairs, and if you're gonna..."

She gets up and heads to the stairs.

"I'll get them, maybe a few for myself even."

"Thanks B."

 _She didn't even look at me when she went up._

I cut myself a piece of comfort pancake and chew on it.

"So how are things between you two?"

 _Between us?_

"I honestly don't know."

I cut another piece and just stare at it for a few moments before setting my fork down.

"I... I tired to talk to her like you said. I tried to, you know, let her talk on her own terms and all that but... she was all dodgy and stuff. It's bugging the crap out of me."

"I know Faith but..."

"I have to give her time. Time to let her come to me to talk about what's wrong. I just can't stand letting things go with her. I love her so much."

She turns to me and smiles compassionately.

"And that's why you need to let her come to you. She loves you too and sooner or later she's gonna realize that she needs you to help her though it."

I let out a deep breath and pick up my fork again.

"I just hope it's sooner rather than later. I hate waiting."

Buffy walks in, weapons in hand, and I start eating again.

"Got the pointy woodens, let's book."

 _Uh, okay._

"No, wait. You're not going anywhere until you eat some breakfast."

"It's fine Mom, I can do without."

Joyce walks over and leads Buffy to sit beside me. She puts a plate down in front of Buffy.

"You need to eat something. I won't have you go out slaying on an empty stomach, now eat."

Buffy is about to protest but stops and starts eating.

 _Hmm, the direct approach seems to work. Maybe I should try that later if the whole slayfest thing doesn't work out._

 **End of Chapter 16**


	17. Death was my gift and

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 17**

Death was my gift, and you sent it back for credit

 **Author's Note:** Things are never exactly as they seem with my stuff. There's more to the story.

 **Faith's POV**

"The place is just around the corner."

"Uh-hun..."

 _Okay here we go, B and I doing the slaying thing. Getting back to the routine of what we enjoy. It's gonna be great. The two of us back to back, fists flying, vamps dusting, everything a girl could want for a romantic day out. I should try to make conversation or something._

"Your mom was kinda harsh earlier don't you think?"

"Yeah well she can be that way sometimes."

"She's never been that way with me. She's always been really nice to me."

"You're not her daughter."

"No, I'm not. Felt like it though, when you were... you know. She took care of me like I was part of her... part of your family. It felt like I had a real mother, which is weird cause I never really had a real mother in the traditional sense. She was too busy passing out and overdosing on ecstasy to be any kind of mother."

I suddenly notice Buffy isn't paying any attention to me. She stops and turns to me, pointing at one of the buildings.

"Is that it?"

I look at the boarded up house.

 _No direct sunlight, abandoned type décor, on the right street._

"Yeah I'm pretty sure that's the place."

"Fine, let's go."

She starts walking to the house with purpose and I follow.

"Hey uh, I'm all for rushing in half-cocked and all, but don't you wanna, I dunno have a plan or something?"

"Nope."

 _Okay..._

We walk up to the front door and she kicks it in. We go in as the sounds of vampires scattering make me smile.

"Rise and shine people..."

I look at Buffy to finish the line. She just rolls her eyes at me.

 _Aw it's no fun if she doesn't play along._

A couple of vamps come at us.

 _Okay, time for some good old fashion therapeutic violence._

I hit the vamp in the mouth as he comes at me and he wobbles a bit on his feet. I spin around for a roundhouse kick which takes him off his feet long enough for a second vamp to attack me. I block a triad of punches, catching the third one to twist it behind his back.

I look at B who seems to be handling two vamps pretty well.

"Looks like you haven't lost your touch B."

I kick my vamp hostage in the ass and he crashes into a third vamp coming my way as the first one gets up.

"Yeah, good to know being dead doesn't take the edge off."

 _Was that a joke? I haven't heard her crack a joke since... Ow!_

A vamp clocks me in the face from the side, knocking me down.

 _Damn it..._

I throw my leg out to sweep his legs out from under him. I crawl over and stake him quickly as the first vamp regroups and comes at me. I kick him in the gut making him stumble long enough for me to get up, spin around and stake him. A couple of vamps get dusty from Buffy's violent outbursts as I look around for any more vamps.

Two of them make it out the other side of the house, blankets over them to avoid daylight. All of the sudden Buffy comes at me, fist drawn back. She hits me in the jaw and as I stumble back I see her punch a vampire beside me.

 _Ow! Why the hell did she...?_

She stakes the vamp and looks around for other vamps to take on.

"Looks like we got 'em all."

I rub my jaw.

 _I think she used a good dose of her slayer strength in that punch._

"Well yeah but..."

"Good, then we're done. I'm outta here."

She leaves the house and after a second it clues into me to follow her out.

 _She hit me, I'm not just gonna let that go._

"Whoa, hold up B, we gotta talk."

She doesn't even stop or look at me when she speaks.

"About what?"

 _About what? Which fight was she at?_

"About what just happened back there?"

"What about it? Vamps are dust, we cleaned the nest out."

"Yeah but what about the rest?"

"The rest?"

"You know the part where you socked me in the mouth?"

"Again I say what about it?"

I grab her arm and stop her. She finally looks at me.

"B, you hit me."

"So what?"

"So we have to talk about it."

"I've hit you plenty of times before and we never talked about it. What's the diff?"

"There's a big difference B. For one thing you didn't have to hit me to get to that vamp. You could've said duck, or look out or something."

She starts walking again.

"There wasn't time."

 _Wasn't time?_

I put myself right in her way to stop her from leaving.

"Don't give me that crap. There was loads of time for me to do something you just didn't want me to."

"What? That's crazy."

 _No, actually it's starting to make sense._

"Why would I wanna hit you on purpose?"

"I don't know B. Why don't you tell me?"

"No, I'm not listening to this."

She tries to get past me but I stop her.

"And what's with this whole bailing at the first chance you get thing you're doing? God knows you hated when I did it all the time. I don't see why you think I would like it."

"Faith I have better things to do."

Again she tries to get away and I have to grab her by the shoulders to stop her.

"Talk to me B. Lemme know what's going on."

She pushes my hands away.

"Why? Why should I? It doesn't make any difference."

"It does. It does make a difference because I love you. I love you and I wanna help."

"God you just, you don't get it do you?"

"I want to. I want to get it, but I'm only getting half the story. I need you to tell me the rest. I love you B."

"Okay could you... could you possibly get over yourself? Just for a second, and stop telling me how much you love me."

"Why?"

"Because it doesn't mean anything. This great incredible love you keep talking about? The one that changed you, that made you a better person? It doesn't matter."

 _What is she talking about?_

"What do you mean? It does matter."

"No, it doesn't. No matter how much we feel. No matter how much we might wanna be together, it doesn't matter."

She turns away, frustrated.

"Why not?"

She punches me in the face, knocking me down.

"BECAUSE I WAS HAPPY!"

 _What?_

"I... what do you...? I..."

"Yeah, I was happy. Wherever I... was... wherever I, went when I was... I was happy."

 _She was... happy?_

"Oh god..."

I start to pick myself up off the ground.

"Do you feel better now? Now that I've told you the other side of the story? I was dead, and alone and happy. Completely and utterly happy. I was warm and safe and surrounded by pure joy. And now I'm not."

 _I feel like I'm gonna cry, or throw up maybe._

"Now I'm cold, and hurting, and I feel like I'm gonna cry, all the time. And you wanna know why?"

Tears start pouring out of me.

"Ask me..."

 _I... I don't..._

"Buffy I..."

She grabs me and shakes me.

"Come on, ask me why."

"W-Why?"

"Because of you!"

She shoves me hard and I almost collapse.

"Isn't that it? I'm back because of you, aren't I?"

"I... y-yes I'm..."

"It's all your fault isn't it?"

"Buffy I'm... I..."

She shoves me twice as hard as before.

"It's your fault. Say it..."

My knees get weak and she grabs me by the collar to look me in the eyes.

"B-Buffy..."

"I wanna hear you SAY IT!"

"It's m-my fault."

She lets go of me and I fall on my knees, trying to hold back the tears that I can't seem to stop.

"Yeah, it is."

I look up at her, a cold stare looking back at me.

"You get it now? Have you figured out why even the thought of looking at you makes me wish I was dead, again?"

"It's all my fault..."

I wipe away the tears in my eyes but that only makes me cry harder.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry. Wow! That makes everything all better doesn't it? You're sorry. Thanks SO much."

"Buffy..."

I reach out to touch her but she backs out of reach.

"Don't, touch me. If you touch me again, I'll kill you."

 _I... I have to make this better._

"Buffy... tell me how to make things better."

I pull myself to my feet.

"You can't. Not unless you wanna kill me."

I lower my eyes in defeat.

"I didn't think so. Stay away from me."

She walks past me and leaves.

"Buffy wait!"

She doesn't stop.

 _But then I wouldn't expect her to, after what I've done to her. She was happy. She was happy and I took that from her. How could I do that to her? I took away pure happiness and joy. God I, I have to... something has to be done. I have to talk to... someone. They have to know what I did._

 **End of Chapter 17**


	18. Mother Knows Best

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 18**

Mother knows best

 **Author's Note:** As I said, things are not entirely as they appear.

 **Buffy's POV**

 _I did it. I told her the truth. The truth about what... happened to me, about where I was... mostly. Now she can go away and never come back. Bitch! All that crap she kept spewing about great love and how she couldn't live without me it just, pissed me off so much. It'll never last. It doesn't matter how much we want each other, one of us will sooner or later wind up dead and ultimately be better off for it. And I kinda hope it's me._

 _Faith's never been dead, she doesn't know what it's like, I do. I've felt it every moment since I've been back. The pain, the emptiness, I feel alone in a room full of friends and it's all Faith's fault. I never would've been brought back if it weren't for her. I can't be with someone who would do that to me, someone who could rip me out of heaven just because they can't live without me._

 _I'm not stupid. I know that Faith didn't do the spell herself. She doesn't have that kind of power, but Willow wouldn't have done it if Faith hadn't asked her to, I know that much. Whether she actually said the words or not. This is all Faith's fault and I can't just let that go._

 **Faith's POV**

 _This is all my fault. She hates me._

I walk up to the door of the Summers' home and I'm afraid to go in, even though Buffy isn't home.

 _I made the woman I love hate me. How could I do that? This is all my fault. If I had just tried harder or been a stronger person then none of this would've happened. Buffy would be happy and I... would still be miserable but, I'd know without a doubt that she loved me._

 _But now all I know for sure is that she hates me and it's all my fault. What do I do now? How can I go in there and tell Joyce I broke my promise to her? I promised Joyce I'd never hurt Buffy and I broke that promise. Now I have to face the music. Buffy hates me, any minute now Joyce is gonna hate me for hurting her daughter and I can only imagine things getting worse from there._

I start pacing back and forth outside the door.

 _I thought... I thought things would be better with Buffy back. She always makes things better, until now. I'm scared out of my mind..._

The door suddenly opens and Joyce is standing on the other side.

"Faith? What are you doing out here?"

 _Going insane?_

"Nothing..."

"Well come inside, you do live here after all."

 _For now, I guess._

I go in and she closes the door behind me.

"Can I make you some hot tea, or something to eat maybe?"

"No, I'm okay."

 _I'm so far from okay._

We walk into the living room and sit down.

"Okay, what's wrong?"

"What? Nothing... nothing's wrong."

"Don't give me that, something wrong and I wanna help."

 _Help... that's all I wanted to do for Buffy too, and look how that turned out._

"It's nothing..."

"Faith, did something happen?"

"It's just... I broke my promise."

I lower my eyes.

"Your promise? Which promise is that?"

 _Gotta face the music..._

"I p-promised you I'd never... hurt Buffy."

Joyce puts her hand on my shoulder.

"What are you talking about? What happened?"

"She, she hates me."

"Buffy? Why would you say that? She doesn't hate you."

"No she does, she really does this time."

"What happened?"

"It's all my fault. She blames me for it and she should. It's all my fault."

"What is? Faith, you have to tell me what's wrong before I can help."

I lean on Joyce's shoulder as I feel the tears in my eyes.

"She was happy..."

"What?"

She puts her arms around me to comfort me.

"She, she told me she was happy."

"What do you mean?"

"B-Buffy... where she was when she, she was happy. It's all my fault."

"It's not Faith, you have to stop saying that."

"But it is. I'm the reason she died, I'm the reason she was brought back. I'm the reason she hates me."

"Faith, we've been through this."

She pulls me off her to look in my eyes.

"Buffy gave her life for yours because she loves you, and she still does."

"No she doesn't, she hates me."

She wipes away a tear on my cheek.

"She does not. She might be angry with you but she doesn't hate you. Buffy doesn't have it in her to hate someone, trust me I know."

"But, it's my fault."

"You can't blame yourself for what we did. We made the decision to bring Buffy back. Whatever is happening now, whatever Buffy is going through is our fault, not yours."

"But you did it for me. You brought her back because of me."

"We didn't have to. We could've decided not to but we didn't, that's not your fault."

 _We... she keeps saying we._

"What do you mean w-we?"

"It was me who made the final decision about Buffy. This is more my fault than yours."

"I guess, it's just... she blames me for being taken out of, where she was."

"She's angry, and she's not sure how to deal with it. She's lashing out at anyone in striking distance and you're the first one in range. She doesn't hate you and she's not angry with you specifically. She's just, angry. Give her time to deal with it and I'm sure she'll get better."

I feel the tears in my eyes go away slowly.

"You really think so?"

"I promise."

 _How does she make everything feel better when it's spinning out of control?_

"Thank you."

I hug Joyce.

"Thank you."

"It's all gonna be okay Faith."

Just then, the door opens. It takes me a few seconds for me to remember to turn around. Buffy is standing inside the main hallway, staring at the floor with a thousand yard stare. I stand up to greet her.

"Buffy I..."

"Get out."

 _What?_

Joyce stands up behind me.

"Buffy? How can you...?"

"I want her to get out."

She doesn't even look at us when she speaks.

"Go, leave, move out, whatever just... go..."

"Buffy, how can you talk to Faith that way?"

"I want her to go away, she knows why."

 _Joyce told me to give her time._

"I guess I should..."

I trail off and start to leave but Joyce puts her hand on my shoulder.

"No, Faith you're not going anywhere."

"Yes, she is."

"No Buffy, she's not. Buffy this is my house and I say she's staying right here."

"I don't wanna look at her."

"Well sometimes people don't always get what they want in life Buffy, and I say Faith is staying right here with us."

I think I hear Buffy growl under her breath, probably at the thought of me staying here.

"Fine just, keep her out of my way."

With that, Buffy leaves and goes upstairs. I wanna go after her but Joyce stops me.

"Faith, no..."

 _I wanna go after her._

"But I..."

"I know, you want to go after her but that won't help."

 _Like she said..._

"Give her time?"

She smiles at me.

"Yes."

"Okay but... where am I gonna stay?"

"With us, we have a guest room upstairs that we never use. You can stay there if you like."

"Okay, okay good I... thank you. I don't think I could spend a night too far away from her now that she's back."

Joyce puts her arm around my shoulders and leads me out of the living room and into the kitchen.

"Come on, we'll have ourselves some nice healing cookie dough ice cream and then we'll get you set up in the guest room."

"Okay..."

 _She really is a good mother._

 **End of Chapter 18**


	19. She was happy, but we weren't

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 19**

She was happy, but we weren't

 **Author's Note:** There was a problem uploading **Chapter 18** and I never got an email confirming that it was up, although many of you seem to have found it anyway. So let's hope that you've read **Chapter 18** before this one. If not, do that.

 **Tara's POV**

"She was... she was h-happy?"

 _Oh god..._

"What do you mean Faith?"

 _Oh god what have I done?_

"Where she was when she was... I think it was heaven."

 _I knew this was wrong from the start._

"Are y-you sure?"

 _I knew there was gonna be bad consequences, but this?_

"Pretty sure, Willow. She, told me herself."

 _This is so much worse than what I could've imagined._

"But, I mean... no I, she w-wasn't..."

 _Willow doesn't wanna believe it, but it's real. Oh god it's real._

"It is Willow. Buffy told me she was happy, and she blames me."

"But... no she was... she was being tortured in an untold hell dimension, wasn't she?"

 _Willow's still in denial about it, that's what got us here in the first place._

"The only hell dimension Buffy's been to, is this one."

 _God it must be so horrible for her. I should have done more to convince Willow not to do the spell. Buffy and Faith wouldn't be going through what they're going through if I had done more. I can see the pain all around Faith and it's all about Buffy._

"This, this isn't a hell dimension. It's just a dimension, believe me I know the difference."

"Maybe... but after where Buffy's been this world has to feel like hell to her."

"We have to do something, something to make her feel better."

"And what would you suggest Xander?"

"Well I don't know. Research is your department G-man."

"I don't believe there is a research department for something of this nature. Buffy's problem is emotional, not mystical. Research can not help Buffy."

"I figured that but... we still have to do something. We have to find a way to help her somehow. Buffy needs us to show her that things aren't as horrible as they seem. I mean I know that the world can seem really bad sometimes but, it's not all bad. There are good parts to it, really good. We should find a way to show her."

 _I don't know that anything will help._

"I um... I already tried..."

"You already? Faith what, what do you mean you already tried? What did you do?"

Faith gets really uncomfortable.

"Stuff..."

"Like what?"

"Doesn't matter... it, it didn't work. I just, I don't think that we can help her."

"We can cause, cause we're her friends and... and we love her."

 _Willow still thinks this'll be okay, I'm not so sure. What Buffy's been through, what she's going through is worse than anything any of us have ever been through I'm not sure we can do anything at all._

"Love isn't gonna get it done this time guys. We need something more."

"More? What could be more important than love Faith?"

"I don't know but... I have to figure it out or I'm never gonna get her back."

"WE have to figure it out Faith. We're gonna help."

 _Are we now?_

"Yeah cause, that's what we do. We help."

"I dunno. I think maybe I gotta do this on my own. Be all self-reliant and independent like. That's what slayers do right? They solve problems on their own, don't they? That's what Buffy does."

"Perhaps but one of the most important things that any slayer and Buffy in particular has done is ask for help when it's needed. Now Buffy is clearly reluctant to ask for help in this instance which is to be expected given her, circumstances. Our task now is to put our heads together and determine what course of action would be best to help Buffy deal with them."

"Okay but, how?"

Everyone gets very quiet at Xander's question, except Anya.

"Well um... what about... food?"

"Food?"

"Yeah, food is a comfort thing, isn't it? People who are depressed they eat food and they feel better. Isn't that what people do in this situation? Maybe we should do some sort of, food related gathering thing. Like that ritual sacrifice we had on thanksgiving that time."

Faith raises an eyebrow at us.

"You had a ritual sacrifice on thanksgiving?"

Xander steps in.

"No, no, no... we had thanksgiving dinner. Anya just thinks of eating the turkey as a ritual sacrifice. It was just dinner. Is that what we're talking about here? Just dinner? We're not looking to go all intervention-y on her are we? Cause interventions never really work out when it comes to Buffy."

Faith sits back and lets out a deep sigh.

"No, intervention isn't gonna get it done either. If we're gonna do some get together thing it shouldn't be for intervention purposes. We just need to show her things aren't so bad, if that's even possible."

"We will try, not to worry Faith."

 _Giles might say not to worry but I can't help it. This is bad and I don't know that anything we can do will make things better._

 **End of Chapter 19**


	20. Preparations

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 20**

Preparations

 **Faith's POV**

 _This'll be good, I think._

I walk into my room, next to Buffy's and I pace a bit.

 _I wonder if I should change, make myself look nice for the whole reassurance dinner thing with the gang. It sounds like it'll be an intimate sort of affair for a get together. No big rave parties in the Summers' residence I guess. Just me, Joyce, Buffy and the gang... it's like we're a family and crap, it's weird. I mean the guys are cool and stuff. They've been wicked great through everything, but family?_

 _Ain't they supposed to be blood? I never met any of my own blood, beyond my dead beat absentee dad and my drunken whore of a mother. I've got no clue how to act in a family. So why does it feel like this dinner thing is such a big deal? In all the time Buffy was gone we never got together like this. There wasn't even a wake after the funeral or nothing._

 _Now we're getting together for dinner and it scares the hell out of me. I'm all sweaty and itchy in all the wrong places and I'm scared. Since when does something as simple as dinner scare the crap out of me? Since I fell in love with B, that's when... course I don't think my being scared has anything to do with B in this sitch. It's the other people that are scaring me._

 _Giles, Joyce, Willow, Xander and everyone, they're the ones who are scaring me in this one. B and I may be on the outs but we've been on the outs before and I have to believe that I'll find a way to get back with her, no matter what it takes. Even if I have to… god I don't even wanna think about it. It's too horrible even for me. I thought I was past this kinda thing. But I guess there are some things you never get over. Sometimes your reasons for them just shift. I should definitely change before dinner on account of my sweaty-ness, something nice maybe._

I head to the dresser.

 **Willow's POV**

 _This'll be good, I think._

I pick up my hairbrush and start brushing my hair for dinner tonight.

 _We can spend time with Buffy, let her know we're here for her even if we don't say it straight out. And we are here for her. We're her friends and we love her and we wanna help her in her time of need. This must be so hard for her, being back after where she was. I bet she must be pretty angry with me cause of how it's my fault._

 _I was the one who brought her back. I kept insisting that everything was gonna be okay, that we were doing the right thing. And now Buffy's paying for it. Tara was right, I should've considered the options more carefully. I should've done more to help Faith in some other way. But I didn't, and now Buffy has to live with... god what was I thinking?_

 _I wasn't thinking, that's the problem. I didn't even consider that she might be in a better place. All I knew was that Faith was my friend and so was Buffy, nothing else mattered. Tara and Xander and even Anya tried to get me to reconsider but I wouldn't hear it. I was ready to jump into any plan without thinking as long as it helps someone and that was so wrong. I know that now._

I put the brush down and look myself in the mirror.

 _I should've known that then._

Tara walks in from the hallway.

"Tara?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Tara?"

"I... I c-can't..."

I walk over to Tara and she's real distant.

"You can't? Can't what Tara?"

"I c-can't go to this dinner."

 _What?_

"What do you mean honey?"

"I can't pre-pretend that everything's ok-okay when it's, not."

"Of course it's not Tara, but this might make things a little better."

"I don't... I don't know that I can. I don't know that I can, look at Buffy without seeing what I did to her. The pain I've caused her."

 _She caused her?_

"Tara what's happening to Buffy isn't your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"No it's not Tara I... it's my fault. I'm the one who brought her back. I'm the one who kept insisting that it was the right thing to do even though I think I always knew deep down that it might not be. You can't blame yourself for my mistake. If you need to blame someone for what's happening now, blame me."

She looks at me with painful fear in her eyes and it sends a chill through me.

 _She does blame me. She blames me for what's happening. Well why shouldn't she? It's my fault._

"Tara..."

"I... I can't... I can't go to t-this dinner and act-t like everything is okay."

 _She's not talking about Buffy anymore._

"I just, I can't."

She turns away and walks out.

"Tara please I... don't..."

She doesn't stop.

 _Oh god I, what have I done? Not only have I made Buffy and Faith's life a living hell but, I just might've destroyed my own relationship in the process. What have I done?_

 **Buffy's POV**

 _Why are we doing this? We're having dinner. Like I don't know what that's about. We're having a big important dinner with all my friends and family so we can talk. So we can talk, probably about the 'horrible' things I said to Faith and why I said them. God do I not need this._

 _I don't wanna talk about my feelings. I don't care that I hurt Faith's... feelings either. She needs to deal with what she did to me, like I'm trying to. I don't wanna have a nice civilized dinner on the pretense that everything's fine just so they can ambush me with a bunch of questions I don't care about or even wanna answer. It happened... I was dead and now I'm alive. I'll just have to learn to live with it, no matter how much I don't want to._

Mom comes in, rushing around to get ready for the dinner party.

"You know it wouldn't kill you to help out."

I roll my eyes at her and stand up from the breakfast bar chair.

"It might be better if it did."

She puts a pile of plates down angrily.

"I didn't mean it like that."

I pick up the plates and head to the dining room to help set the table.

"I know you didn't. That doesn't make my feelings on the subject any less true."

Mom follows me in with a bunch of cutlery.

"Buffy, Faith told me what happened. She told me what you told her and I want you to know I'm sorry."

 _Ain't that nice?_

I start putting plates at each chair.

"Thanks, I feel all better. You've really put things in perspective and I've grown as a person. Can we stop talking about it now?"

She sets down a knife and fork on either side of the plates I put down.

"That's not why I'm sorry. I'm not sorry because I feel it's my fault and I want to feel better about myself. I'm not sorry because I know how you feel because I don't. I'm not even sorry because I wanna help you, because I'm not the one who will. I'm sorry because I love you and no one should have to go through what you're going through."

"Well it seems no one took that into account BEFORE they did this to me."

"Buffy..."

I stop helping.

"And just out of curiosity who is it you think is gonna help me with my little problem?"

She stops.

"You know who can help you Buffy."

"Oh, of course... it's Faith. Why? Because she loves me?"

"Yes."

"Right yeah, she loved me so much she had Willow bring me back to this hell place so she can love me more. Hmm... maybe I should give them both fruit baskets."

"No Buffy, she loved you so much she wanted to kill herself."

 _What? Kill her..._

"That's right, she wanted to be with you so badly she was ready to slash her wrists and bleed to death to make it happen. Faith never asked us to bring you back, she would never do that. We brought you back because we couldn't see any other way to keep Faith from ending her life."

"So... it was more her fault than I thought."

"What? Buffy no that's..."

"She pushed my friends into doing something dangerous and royally stupid just cause she couldn't live without me."

"Buffy I know you're angry and in pain but finding reasons to blame Faith won't help anything."

I go back to setting the table. I put the rest of the plates in their place.

"Why because she's the one who's gonna help me?"

"Yes..."

Mom finishes putting out the utensils.

"Faith knows about the kind of pain you're dealing with."

"Really? Because she seems pretty okay to me..."

"She's masking her pain because she wants to help you. How the two of you feel shouldn't drive you apart, it should... Faith..."

 _What? Oh, she's here and she looks... kinda nice, I guess. She's wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt. Probably thinks it'll help her win me back. Bitch._

"You look nice."

Faith looks at me trying to gauge my reaction to what she's wearing.

"Yeah, I figured with the whole gang coming by for dinner and all I might wanna look nice."

 _What a lame excuse._

"Well you do. Doesn't she honey?"

 _Whatever._

"I figured I should come down here and see if you wanted any help setting up for dinner."

"Of course. We could always use an extra pair of hands."

 _Oh great, it's bad enough I gotta spend a whole big meal with her. Now Mom wants me to spend the hour before dinner with her too? Not gonna happen._

"Tel ya what, she can take my spot and I'll go... do something else."

"Like what honey?"

I start out of the dining room to go upstairs.

"I don't know maybe I'll go..."

I catch a big whiff of perfume as I pass Faith.

"Take a shower, like Faith did."

"Oh, well okay. Thanks for the help."

I make my way up the stairs.

"Yeah sure whatever."

 _God do I not need this crap._

 **End of Chapter 20**


	21. Just Dinner

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 21**

Just Dinner

 **Author's Note:** Again, I am not a big fan of trigger warnings, but I warn you about where the story is going in the next chapter or two.

 **Faith's POV**

 _Well here we are. The whole gang, minus Tara anyway. All of us here together eating a really great dinner. I didn't know chicken and ribs could taste this good. I wonder why Tara didn't come. She seemed pretty broken up when I told the gang where B was when she was dead. Not that the others didn't take it hard it's just, she seemed to take it harder than I did, and I took it really hard._

 _I was hoping she'd be here tonight. I thought she might be able to give me some other way out of my situation with B. But as it is I've only got two options and this one isn't going so well. I was hoping when Anya suggested the whole dinner thing, scary concept as it was, that being here like this might help B feel better. But I don't think it's going very well. None of us have said a word to each other since the portions were handed out. I think we're just afraid to say anything, I know I am._

 _I'm afraid to talk about the one thing we all wanna talk about. But this isn't supposed to be an intervention. It's supposed to be just dinner, except that it's not. We all know it's not just dinner but no one is gonna say it. We can't have something as simple as just dinner knowing what we know, feeling what we feel. Every one of us feels responsible for this forced silence we've all stumbled into. Everyone but Buffy anyway._

 _Buffy's just really pissed at all of us. She didn't ask to be here. She didn't ask to be brought back. This whole problem we're having isn't really about B anymore. It's about us, and what we did._

 _God, I've gotta stop obsessing about the problem and start concentrating on how to fix it. Especially if I have to fix it the way I think I do. I don't want to do it that way, but I may not have a choice. I love her too much to let her keep suffering this way. I couldn't stand it if she spent the rest of her life hating me, it has to end. One way or another it'll all be different tonight._

"So Willow, what happened to Tara? I thought she was coming."

 _Good question Joyce. At least it'll give us something to talk about._

"She was... she just... she wasn't feeling well."

"Really? She seemed quite well when we saw her earlier."

"Yeah well she's been sorta off and on these past few days and tonight she felt worse than usual so... she didn't wanna ruin the occasion."

 _Oh I get it. Tara 'hasn't been feeling well' since bringing Buffy back. I know how she feels._

"Well that's too bad. It would've been nice to have her here. I hope she feels better soon."

"Yeah I, I'm sure she will."

"What about you Xander? I hear you're doing construction now. How's that going?"

"Hmm? Oh it's going pretty good. At first I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but I think I'm getting the hang of it now. I just need to keep reminding myself to measure twice and cut once."

"Plus he looks really hot in that tiny little muscle shirt he wears."

 _Okay that was a little more information than I needed to know._

"Um, okay. Well I'm glad you're enjoying yourself."

"God do you, do you hear yourselves?"

 _I knew this wouldn't last long._

"What do you mean B?"

"Acting like this is just dinner between friends when we all know that's a load of crap."

Willow tries to interrupt.

"No Buffy that's not..."

"This is the icing on the cake so you can ambush me with a bunch of questions I don't wanna answer."

"Buffy we just..."

She stands up and it makes me stand up too.

"Let's just shorthand the whole deal shall we? I don't want to talk about where I was. I don't wanna talk about my feelings, I don't care that you all feel bad that I feel bad. I just wanna live with it all and move the hell on okay?"

"But..."

"No, I don't care what excuse you have or what apology you wanna make, I just... I don't care."

She turns and walks out.

"B, wait..."

She doesn't stop. I start to go after her.

"Faith, stop..."

 _I can't stop._

"I have to go after her alone."

"Maybe we should come with you."

"Right because the whole dealing with it together thing worked so well."

 _I shouldn't have said that._

"I'm sorry... I know you're only trying to help."

"And we still are."

 _There's only one way to fix this now. The one way I know I don't want to._

"Yeah we'll find another way."

"No... no I, I'll deal with this my own way. Just, finish eating and go home. I'll make everything right."

I walk out to the kitchen and pick up a knife.

 _This all has to end tonight._

I go looking for the woman I love.

 **End of Chapter 21**


	22. Anything for love

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 22**

Anything for love

 **Author's Note:** Again, be careful, this part gets a little disturbed.

 **Faith's POV**

 _Where the hell is she? It's been over an hour and I haven't felt so much as a twinge. She can't have gotten far from the exactly 30 seconds I was delayed in going after her. But I can't seem to figure out where she went. It won't end tonight if I can't find her. This has to end no matter what it takes, even if I have to... wait, is that what I think it is?_

 _It's her, I can feel it. I just can't figure out... She's going back. I know that crypt, this cemetery. She went back to where it all started, to where this problem all began._

I break into a run toward B's grave site.

 _This is perfect, in a twisted sorta way, it'll end in the same place it began._

The feeling I get when she's near gets stronger and I look around. She's standing about 20 feet away, staring down at her grave. I walk over and stand next to B.

 _How do I even start a conversation like this? Knowing how it'll end._

"This is where it happened, isn't it?"

 _Maybe I should just let her do the talking._

"I know."

She throws her head back and lets out a deep sigh, never looking at me.

"You know... what do you think you know?"

 _Okay, maybe I'll be the one talking._

"This is where it all went wrong."

I look down at the gravestone, covered in dried blood.

"Your life, that's what you meant right? This is where your life went wrong. Kind of ironic if you think about it... your grave being the place where your life went wrong."

"So you know... so what? Doesn't mean a thing."

 _Okay she's not gonna do this. We're not gonna keep having this conversation where she blames me over and over._

"Maybe not to you, but it does to me."

"Does it? Well then it's a good thing I don't care what you think."

"I guess so. Course this isn't just about you."

She finally looks at me.

"Really?"

"Yes really. I'm part of this too."

She turns her whole body to face mine.

"And how do you figure that?"

"Because you blame me for what happened, and that means I have to make it right."

"Oh yeah? Cause I thought I made it pretty clear I didn't want you involved at all."

"Too bad, because you don't get a choice in the matter. I'm part of this whether you like it or not."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

She rolls her eyes at me and starts to leave.

"Not this again. I thought we settled this."

I grab her and turn her around.

"No, Buffy you need to hear this. I love you B. I love you so much it hurts inside when I'm around you, and it hurts worse when you're not. You make me wanna be a better person, for the most part anyway, and that's why I can't just let what we have go..."

"I don't see you getting a choice."

 _Okay fuck this. Let's just skip to the big finish._

"All right fine. You wanna blame me? Go ahead."

"Didn't I already do that?"

I shove her back toward her former grave.

"Yeah but this time we're gonna have it out."

She looks at me confused.

"Come on B, hit me."

"What?"

"You wanna hate me? Do it... hit me."

"I'm not gonna hit you Faith."

I shove her again and she barely manages to avoid falling over her own headstone.

"Why the hell not? It's my fault isn't it? I'm the reason you don't want to be here so just shut up and hit me."

She has to think about it for a second before answering.

"No."

"You know you want to, just do it. If you don't hit me you know I'm gonna hit you."

I walk up to her and she doesn't back off. I get this tingly feeling at being this close to her.

"No, you won't."

"Why not? I've done it before."

"Things were different then."

"Yeah and they're different now too. If we're not gonna talk away your pain, and you don't seem to wanna fuck away your pain. Then I'll just have to give you a whole lotta outer pain to shut you up about your inner pain. Sound like a plan? Good, so come on..."

I step back to goad her into it.

"Hit me..."

"No."

"All right."

I slug her in the jaw.

"Come on."

"No."

I punch her in the face a little harder.

"Stop it Faith..."

"Make me."

I go to punch her again but she blocks it with her forearm.

"Fine."

She punches me between the eyes but I shake it off quick.

 _She's not even trying._

"Again... hit me again."

"Fuck you Faith."

"You didn't wanna do that remember?"

She hits me again and I smile at her.

"I thought you said you were angry with me?"

I let her punch me in the jaw one last time.

"I am."

I block her next punch and hit her twice as hard as she's hit me so far.

"Then show it... hit me."

She hits me a little harder this time but still nowhere near her strongest.

 _Maybe she's not as angry with me as she thinks. Doesn't change what I gotta do._

"I said hit me not cuddle me B."

She puts her full force into this one.

 _Ow! Here we go._

"There's my girl."

I hit her back just as hard and she stumbles.

"Come on B, let out all that anger will ya?"

She throws a right and left, both connecting.

"Put it all on me baby."

She follows up with a 3 punch combo but I dodge the third one and fight back with a one two punch combo of my own.

"What do you think this is gonna solve?"

She hits me with a body shot.

"Dunno, maybe nothing. But at least it'll be over, one way or another."

She hits me in the face and again in the stomach, making me grab my stomach and lean forward a bit. I look up at her as she puts her hands together above her head for a double fisted hit but I throw my arms up and block it.

 _I have to do this._

I kick her in the stomach to put some distance between us but the force of the kick pushes her into the gravestone and she falls over it on to her back. She grabs her back as she tries to get up but has to settle for sitting up because of the pain.

"So what are you gonna do? Tell me you love me again?"

"No..."

I pull out the knife from my belt and jump the headstone, landing on top of her.

"I'm gonna kill you."

I bring the knife down and she grabs my wrist to stop me.

"What are you... what are you doing?"

"I thought that was obvious."

I put more weight behind the blade.

"Why?"

"Don't make me do the speech again B."

"You're not gonna do this."

"Did you forget who I am? I'm a murderer B. It's what I am. It's what I always will be. Killing people is what I do, you'll just be one more to the list."

She gets desperate, panic in her eyes as she tries to fend me off but every time she does I put more power behind it to stop her. I do my best to hold back the tears that I can feel in me.

"Faith, please..."

The blade starts to get real close as the pain in B's back starts to take its toll.

 _I have to do this, it's the only way._

"This is what you wanted B, isn't it? I'd do anything for you B, and you said the only way I could make this better is to kill you..."

I press the blade against her throat.

"So that's what I have to do."

"Faith, please... don't."

I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

"Why not? This is what you wanted, isn't it?"

"No, it's not..."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't happy."

 _What?_

I ease up the pressure on her throat.

"You said..."

"I know what I said... I lied..."

"Why? Why would you lie about something like that?"

"Because... because I was, I was safe and warm but I wasn't happy. I couldn't be."

I drive the knife into the dirt next to her head and roll off her.

"Why would you say something like that?"

"I don't know, I... I guess, coming back from the dead messes with your head."

 _Where was she then?_

"So where were you? Hell? Like Angel was?"

"No... it was heaven. At least, I think it was. I don't know much about religion or theology but where I was, it's what I imagine heaven would be like."

"Except you don't have to imagine... so if you were in heaven then, why weren't you happy?"

She takes a long deep breath and I look at her.

"Something was missing."

She looks in my eyes.

"You, were missing."

 _Me?_

"I was there a long time, not that time had any meaning. But it felt like forever because I could never let go of whatever it was that was missing."

 _Whatever it was?_

"But you said..."

She looks down at the headstone of her grave.

"I didn't really realize what was missing until I was back, what it was that was keeping me from being happy."

"It was me."

"I saw the look on your face that first night. That's when I knew."

 _It really was my fault._

"I'm sorry."

She sits there silently for a few seconds.

"No Faith, you were right. What happened to me wasn't your fault, it was mine."

"It was nobody's fault B, least of all yours. Willow was the one who did the spell, and she did it for me. You had no control over that."

"That's not what I meant."

"It's not?"

"Not being able to let go. Not being able to be happy without you. That's my fault."

I get this sinking feeling in me.

"I see... so that's what it all comes down to, does it? Your feelings for me, kept you from being happy."

She doesn't say anything.

"Well maybe you were right then. About the whole 'me moving out' thing. Maybe I should just go, leave town so we can learn to live without each other."

"Faith..."

"I mean, it uh, it could be good for both of us."

"Faith..."

"Cause you know, what we have obviously isn't doing you any good. And me well hey, you know..."

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

She rolls on top of me and before I know it her lips are on mine, her tongue pushing itself inside my mouth.

 _God I... it's been forever since I felt her touch me this way. It's been forever since I've felt anyone this way. Wait... what am I doing?_

Her hand slides down my body until it rests against my hip.

 _Why is she...? After everything she just..._

I push her back, even though every inch of me is screaming not to.

"B, what are you doing?"

She licks her lips.

"Kissing you?"

"I get that. What I don't get is why."

Her hand drops between my thighs and I can't help but moan at her touch.

"To feel?"

She rubs her fingers against me.

"I need feel something good, something real."

She kisses me again and I have to stop her.

"You said you'd do anything for me."

She leans her whole body against mine and I can't help but want her right here, right now. She sucks on my bottom lip.

"B I..."

She moves down to my neck. She whispers in my ear as her hand pushes its way up under my shirt.

"Help me now..."

"B..."

She kisses me deep and I just know I can't turn her down, but not here.

"I want to B. I really do, but not here."

She seems to roll her eyes as she pulls back off me. I sit up as she stands and offers her hand to help. I take it and she pulls me up so fast and so close that her leg slips between my thighs. I gasp at the contact. All of the sudden she pulls away and starts walking.

"Let's go."

I blink and then follow after her.

 **End of Chapter 22**


	23. Surprise!

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 23**

Surprise!

 **Author's Note:** Surprise! :)

 **Willow's POV**

 _Where is she? She's always here before midnight. She never stays out past midnight, not even to study. Staying out after dark is a risky thing to do in this town, unless you're a slayer. Even with the dwindling demon population it's still not a good idea. I went by the library just to see if she was there... nothing. Where could Tara have gone? It's starting to really bother me. She hasn't called, there was no note waiting for me when I came home. I suppose I could do a locator spell but..._

There's a knock on the door and I jump out of my seat at the edge of the bed, near sprinting to the door and opening it.

"Tara?"

It isn't until I speak Tara's name that it clicks in that Tara would never knock on her own door.

"No, Willow it's just me. Tara's not here?"

"No, she's not I... Joyce what are you doing here?"

"Well, I couldn't just sit at home and wait to see if my eldest daughters came home on their own so I went out looking for them."

"Did you find them?"

"No, but I found myself searching near the campus so I thought I'd stop in and see if you'd heard from them and maybe check on Tara."

 _Check on Tara?_

"Oh, well I haven't heard from them but please come in."

I move out of the doorway and let Joyce in. I close the door and follow her in.

"So Tara is feeling better?"

"Hmm?"

"At dinner, you said Tara wasn't feeling well."

"Oh, right... yeah, I, she's feeling better."

Joyce looks at me with a concerned smile.

"Is everything all right between you two?"

"I, I don't know... I don't think so but, well she's not here so I can't ask her."

Her concerned smile quickly turns to just concern.

"What happened?"

"It's not important. There are bigger things going on."

"Willow? What happened?"

I take a deep breath.

"It was... the spell."

Joyce's smile returns slightly, I'm sure only for sympathy.

"Ever since the spell things have been, different between us."

"I'm sorry..."

"I mean I know what we did was wrong. I know that bringing Buffy back from where she was makes it so much worse but... can't we just, get past it somehow? Can't we just learn from it and move on or something?"

She puts her hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know... we all knew there would be consequences to what happened. Tara might not get over this, then again she might. You'll just have to hope that she does."

"But I love her."

"Then you'll just need to give her time."

"I, I don't want to. Isn't there just some way I can just make it all better? Just like that?"

Her sympathy face makes me realize how bad an idea that is.

"I know, there isn't. I just wish things could be better now."

She pulls me into a hug for comfort and it does, sorta.

"Tell ya what? Why don't you come with me and we can check some of Tara's hangouts? See if we can find her?"

"Okay..."

We start to head to the door.

"All right, let's go looking for Tara."

 _I just want things to be better between us... soon._

 **Buffy's POV**

I grab the neck of her shirt and pull into the house, kissing her as much as I can before she crushes me against the wall next to the stairs. I put my hand up against the wall as she grabs my thighs and hoists me up against it.

"Mmm, Buffy..."

"Ssh..."

I push myself off the wall and wrap my arms around her neck to lead her to the stairs. We fall on to the stairs, making out intense-like.

 _This feels so good. It's the first good thing I've ever felt since..._

"Buffy... Buffy you feel so..."

"Ssh, don't speak..."

We start to make our way up the stairs stumbling and groping along the way. She tries to speak between tongue wrestling.

"It's just... it's been so long since, I... since we..."

"You mean, you haven't..."

We make it halfway up the stairs.

"Never... I would never, do that... to..."

"Ssh, no talking... just kiss me..."

We get to the last few steps and we trip over it on to the floor. I grab her by the shirt and we pull ourselves to our feet. I push her into the wall outside my bedroom door. All of the sudden she comes walking down the hall toward the stairs. Faith and I are a little too wrapped up in our own thing to really care what she's doing. I shove my hand up Faith's shirt to grab her breast.

"God can't you guys at least wait until you get in the room before you do that stuff?"

We stop kissing each other long enough to have the same thought.

"Shut up Dawn."

 **End of Chapter 23**


	24. Dawn

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 24**

Dawn

 **Dawn's POV**

 _They're at it again. The moaning and groaning and pounding from the next room starts up again and I just know they're doing it again. How long are they gonna keep going like that? I bet they know I can hear them and these last few times were just to make me insane. Buffy's always doing that, making me crazy. I should just go over there and interrupt them just to bug the crap out of her. She'd do it to me if I was having crazy naked sex with some girl._

 _But then, Buffy would never let me get close enough to a girl to have crazy naked sex with one. Not that I wanna have crazy naked sex with a girl... well maybe once, when I'm in college or something just to see how it feels. And when Buffy's too much of an old lady slayer to stop me. But until then I'm in strictly an all-boys state of mind. Not that either Buffy or Faith would let me get close enough to a guy, even if I wanted to. Which I don't._

 _Oh wait, I think they've stopped. Now maybe I can get some sleep. Ugh, I was wrong. I guess they were just taking a 30 second breather or something. God, I know they both have slayer endurance and all that but don't they have to sleep at some point? I know some of us would like to. I should go in there and break up the Slayer Sexcapades. But then again maybe I shouldn't I mean, they've been going through a rough patch lately what with all the Buffy coming back from the dead drama._

 _It certainly didn't help things between them. I don't know what happened exactly. They don't tell me stuff. All I know is Faith spent the last few nights on the couch. But what about me? My sister dying wasn't exactly fun for me either. When she died? I cried so much I didn't think I'd ever stop, Faith just started killing things with her bare hands. She was so insane, going out every night the way she did. Maybe even more insane then when she killed people for the mayor._

 _She wouldn't even talk to me. She'd run off every time I tried. Then she went and locked herself in her room for like, ever. I tried to talk to her even then and she just shut me out. She wouldn't even open the door to talk to me. Then, next thing I know, Buffy's back from the dead._

 _You know Faith wasn't such a bad person way back when, before she went insane. I remember back when Faith came to Christmas dinner that time. She got me the coolest little necklace thing, it was a silver one with a small cross. She kept saying how crappy the gifts were but I loved it. She got Buffy a mood ring, which was just so ironic cause of how Buffy's mood is always changing moment to moment._

 _Oh man, I spent so much time reminiscing I almost didn't notice there hasn't been any noise from next door in like a whole minute. I might actually get to sleep before 3am._

I curl up in my bed and close my eyes.

 _They must've gotten too tired and passed out or something. I just hope they stay that way long enough to let me get some decent sleep. The second one of them wakes up I just know they're gonna wake me up with the noises they make._

 **Willow's POV**

 _I can't believe Tara's not home yet. Joyce and I searched everywhere for the three of them. I even did a locator spell but it went all wonky. That just makes me feel even worse about her not being here. Joyce dropped me off before going home herself. Buffy and Faith will come home eventually, as will Tara. Plus Joyce got really tired and I gotta admit I'm tired myself._

 _I just don't think I can sleep without her. We haven't spent a night away from each other since we realized just how we felt for each other. Then again, I don't know if I could sleep even if she was here. The way she left earlier fills me with dread. What if she never gets over it? What if Tara leaves me because of the spell? I, I couldn't stand that. She's my whole world. If she left me I'd just, I'd go insane._

 _I can't let her leave me._

The doorknob turns and the door opens.

"Tara?"

She walks through the door.

"Yeah, it's me."

 _Oh thank god._

"Where have you been?"

"O-Out..."

"Where? Where did you go? I looked everywhere I could think of but you weren't there."

"I know I, I needed some time to think."

 _Time to think?_

"About what?"

"It's not important."

"But I... Tara I was worried."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Well, where did you go? Cause, I tried a locator spell but, it didn't work. And then, I tried that lost spell we made so we could find each other if we ever got separated but, it didn't work either."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I used a deflector spell."

"A deflector spell? What's that?"

"It's anti-magic. I used it to keep you from finding me."

"W-I... why would you wanna do that? I thought, I thought something might have happened to you. Something really bad."

"It's like I said, I needed time to think. And I figured you'd use magic to find me so I used the anti-magic to stay hidden."

 _Why hasn't she looked at me since she came through the door?_

"Well, where did you learn anti-magics?"

"Mr. Giles showed me."

 _Giles?_

"But why?"

"Well, back when we were researching the resurrection spell for Buffy, I realized there was no way I was going to catch up to you in the magic department. So I asked Mr. Giles to help me learn some anti-magic in case of emergency."

"Emergency?"

 _What kind of emergency could we have?_

"In case we came up against someone with stronger magic than us. We'd need a way to protect ourselves."

"Oh, but... why use it on me?"

"Look can we just, go to bed right now and maybe talk about this another time? I'm really tired."

"Uh yeah, okay..."

We crawl into bed together and I put my arm around her.

 _I have to find a way to make things better between us and I have to find it soon or Tara's gonna leave me._

 **End of Chapter 24**

 **Author's Note:** Just curious if anyone's still interested in my sequel to Just a College Girl?


	25. A lazy kind of morning

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 25**

A lazy kind of morning

 **Author's Note:** So the reason I asked about people's interest for the sequel of Just a College Girl is because I'm writing it and coming to the end of a major chapter involving some lemony goodness (a term I just learned about) and I may need to take a break writing it. I could start posting it or I could take a break and then finish it and start posting. Any preference?

 **Dawn's POV**

I stretch out in bed as I slip back into consciousness.

 _Mmm, what time is it? 7:30... wow I actually almost got 4 and a half hours sleep. I'm surprised I got that much with the way they were going at it. Well, that was last night and this is today. I better get down to breakfast before I gotta get to school._

I get up and put on some new clothes. I walk out of my room and head downstairs. I walk into the kitchen and the giggling and whispering make me wish I was deaf. Then I see Faith and my sister kissing and groping each other against the breakfast bar and I suddenly wish I was blind too. Faith grabs my sister's ass and I gag on my own bile.

"Do you HAVE to do that?"

Faith looks up at me from her little love fest... eww.

"Hey kid..."

I roll my eyes at them.

"I'm not a kid."

Buffy starts sucking on Faith's neck and I think I'm gonna hurl.

"Right, right... so what's up?"

I sit down on the far side of the table, away from them. Mom puts a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me.

"My breakfast... assuming you can keep your hands off each other long enough for me to actually eat it."

Buffy turns around and puts her arm around Faith's waist.

"Sorry Dawnie, we're just... a little wrapped up in each other right now."

Faith starts nibbling on Buffy's ear and I look down at my breakfast to prevent dry heaving.

"I noticed."

Faith comes over, laughing and ruffles my hair.

 _I asked her to stop doing that._

"Oh come on Dawn, I bet you'll be the same way when you fall in love."

She and Buffy sit down next to me at the bar.

"Not if I can help it."

Mom hands Buffy and Faith their own plates before putting her own plate down and we start eating to the tune of more giggling. Mom looks at me and smiles.

"They've been doing that all morning. It's getting kind of obscene isn't it?"

I chuckle.

"Totally."

They look at each other and Buffy rolls her eyes.

"Okay fine... we'll tone it down for those not currently chosen to save the world from unspeakable evil."

I take a bite of bacon.

"If you ask me, what you're doing is unspeakably evil."

Faith punches me in the arm playfully.

"Ow!"

Mom turns to the two lovebirds.

"So what's on the agenda for today?"

They smile at each other and I just know I'm not gonna wanna hear this.

"Well we figured we could do some slaying..."

"Followed by some quality groping time."

 _Oh I knew I didn't wanna hear that._

"Then more slayage, and then a lot more groping."

I shove a bunch of bacon in my mouth and start chewing.

"Maybe some making out in the cemetery."

Mom puts up her hands and backs away.

 _I think I might join her._

"Okay that's more than I wanted to know?"

"Yeah feel free to leave that out of any future agenda planning... please?"

"Dawn sweetie, don't talk with your mouth... full..."

 _Mom?_

Faith jumps out of her chair and rushes to Mom's side as she grabs her forehead and almost falls over.

"Joyce, is everything all right?"

Buffy and I stand up panicking.

"Yes I'm, I'm fine. I just... I felt a little light headed for a minute there."

Faith leads Joyce over to her chair next to me and Buffy.

"Well sit down, take a load off. Have some bacon."

"I'm fine, really. It was just a dizzy spell that's all."

 _What if there's something really wrong?_

"We should call a doctor."

"No, really I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me, really."

Buffy pushes her own plate next to Faith's.

"Well eat something. Make US feel better."

"All right, all right I will but, I have my own plate I can eat from."

She points to the plate she made for herself. Faith rushes over and switches the plates.

"Okay, now that that's settled. I'd appreciate it if one of you would be home before dark. I have a lot of work to do at the gallery and I'd like one of you home to watch over Dawn."

 _Oh come on._

"I don't need anyone to watch over me."

All three of them turn to me and have the same thought.

"Yes you do."

"Fine, geez you don't have to go postal on me. Just as long as it's not Buffy."

"I'll do it Dawnie, don't worry."

We all look at Faith.

 _She volunteered?_

"Are you sure Faith?"

"Yeah it's okay. The kid and I will eat some cookie dough and watch some prime time soaps or something. How bout it Dawnie?"

"Sure, I guess..."

 _She hasn't volunteered to spend time with me since that time Angel went nuts at Christmas and Buffy had to go after him._

"Just don't call me kid."

"Right, sorry kid... oops. So B, seeing as how we ain't patrolling together tonight. Maybe we should go see the gang."

"Sure why not?"

"Ya got me."

Mom turns to me.

"You should finish up before you leave for school."

"Sounds like a plan."

We start working on our breakfasts to start our day.

 **End of Chapter 25**


	26. Never be the same

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 26**

Never be the same

 **Author's Note:** Couple short chapters on the horizon but they're setting up something much bigger, story wise.

 **Faith's POV**

 _Everything's still spinning in my head. It all still feels kinda surreal or something. The things we did to each other. Up until the moment she jumped my bones in the cemetery I figured we were breaking up, then all of the sudden she was straddling me and asking me to take her home. Now I don't know what to think._

We're walking out to Giles' and we haven't spoken since we left home.

 _What the hell is up with us anyway? Are we back together or was that just one last time before we break up? Does she love me or hate me? God I'm even more confused than when she first came back. Maybe I should just use the direct approach. I mean it worked last night... sorta. I should just ask her._

"B?"

"Hmm?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything looks okay. Why? Are there any invisible people around I don't see?"

"With us I mean. Is everything okay with us?"

"Yeah, why?"

 _Why?_

"Last night? Everything that happened."

"Right..."

After a while, she stops and turns to me.

"Honestly? I... I don't know. It's hard, being here, being alive. I'm not sure that I can feel much more than that right now."

She takes my hands in hers.

"But having you here helps, being with you helps. I feel something when I'm with you."

 _Is that really how she feels?_

"You know you can be honest with me B, if that's not really how you feel. If you hate me, tell me. I won't mind. Actually, I will mind, but I'll understand. No matter what you say or how you feel, I'll still love you."

"Faith what we have, at least for me in this moment, it isn't love. There isn't really a word for the kind of feelings we have for each other, I know that now. You were willing to kill me to keep us from self-destructing. That makes me feel things for you that I've never felt before. I can't tell you how that makes me feel about you, because I honestly don't know."

She pulls her hand up against the back of my neck, pulling us closer together.

"All I can tell you for sure right now is that I'm attracted to you, physically speaking, and that... things will never be the same between us again. Not after last night."

 _So I guess I got what I wanted then... I think._

She caresses the back of my neck and the hairs stand on end.

"So what does that mean for us?"

"I don't know. There's too much going on in my head right now to process you and me. Can't we just, be happy to be together? Figure it out later, if we can."

 _Um..._

"I guess, as long as you are."

"As long as I'm what?"

"Happy to be with me. Cause if you think for even a second that you might not be happy with me I'll go. I'll just leave and never come back."

"Then I'm asking you to stay, at least for a little while. Until all the stuff in my head gets sorted out and I figure out what I'm gonna do with myself."

"Okay... but only because you asked me to."

"Good, thank you..."

She leans forward and kisses me gently.

"Feel better?"

 _Sorta, I don't know._

"Yeah..."

She pulls my hand up and kiss the knuckles.

"Okay then, can we get back to life?"

"Sure, I guess."

We start walking to Giles' place.

 _So I guess everything is gonna be okay, sooner or later. I just have to wait and hope that maybe, someday soon she'll love me again. Maybe there's something I can do to speed up the process, tip the scales in my favor. Buffy means the world to me. She means more to me than my own life. I can't just sit around and wait to see when she decides to leave me._

 _I have to do something. I have to give her a reason to stay with me. God knows she doesn't have that many reasons at the moment. Other than our insatiable lust for each other and our tendency to enjoy slaying on a regular basis we really don't have that much in common, not really. I'm a murderer, she's not. She's blonde, I'm a brunette. She has family, I don't. I have to do something to show her she has reasons to stay with me, something non-lethal preferably._

 **End of Chapter 26**


	27. Desperation

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 27**

Desperation

 **Willow's POV**

 _Tara's gonna leave me. Oh god what am I gonna do? Tara's gonna leave me and I don't know if I can stop her. I can't let her leave me, not over something so simple and stupid. I know what I did was wrong, I know I'll never do it again. Not only because I can't, but also because it only makes things worse. I thought things would get better but they only got worse, in the really bad sense of the word._

 _And not just for the one who comes back. I have to find a way to keep Tara from leaving me, even if I have to use..._

"Hey guys..."

 _They're here... and they look kinda, couple-y._

"Hey Buffy, Faith... how are you?"

 _They're doing that happy giggling funny touching thing Tara and I used to do all the time._

"We're good... I think."

 _She thinks?_

"What do you mean Faith?"

"Oh uh, well um... it's kinda complicated but um, things are better."

Buffy makes her way into Giles' living room with the rest of us and Faith follows.

"Look, guys... I wanna say I'm sorry, for what I said before. I didn't mean any of it."

"You meant all of it B but that's okay. We all know you're going through a bad time right now."

 _Yet they seem really okay now._

"Yeah, we understand Buff."

 _We do..._

"We just want you to be happy."

 _This might be the opportunity I need, without magic._

"And we're gonna do whatever it takes to help you be happy B."

"Yes... if you wish you could, forgo patrolling until you feel better. We could take over until you feel up to it."

 _If I tell Tara that Buffy's doing better, Tara might not leave me._

"No, it's okay. I just... wanna try and get my life back. See if I can learn to live with, what I know, where I've been."

"Well we offer any help you wish. Anything at all we can do."

 _Yeah, we can help... somehow, maybe._

"Thank you and I'll ask if I need it but... I think this is something I'm just gonna have to deal with on my own..."

She sits down on the couch and Faith sits on the arm rest next to her. Buffy reaches up and takes Faith's hand in hers.

"... For the most part."

"Well okay Buffy but the second you need something..."

"I'll ask. But on the subject of getting back to my life, any new demon-y types in town?"

"Nothing of note, vampire activity has been down since you took apart that vampire nest downtown. And demonic activity in general has been down since, well since..."

 _Oh wait, I almost forgot._

"Wait..."

I dig through my bag and pull it out.

"I, Joyce and I found this while we were out looking for Tara last night."

I hold out the weird magic ball thingy.

"Ooh, shiny! Can I play with it?"

I hand it over to Xander who starts looking it over.

"You were looking for Tara last night?"

I look up at Faith.

"Yeah um, Tara went out last night while I was at dinner with you guys. I was waiting for her to come home and, Joyce came by looking for you two and we got kinda scared so we went out looking for all three of you."

"And that's when you found the mystical object in question?"

"Yeah..."

"Did Tara come home?"

"Yeah she did, she's fine."

 _In a really bad kinda way._

"Well where did you find it?"

Xander hands the globe-y thing to Giles who starts examining it.

"We found it out in the factory district. I thought it was kinda weird so I decided to see what you guys thought."

"Well it doesn't resemble anything I'm aware of but, I'd say it merits investigation."

"You said you found it in the factory district? Maybe I should do a patrol in that area tonight."

"I'd say that's a good idea."

"Alone?"

Buffy looks up at Faith.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well it's just we don't know what this thing is. Maybe you should hold off on hunting it until we know more about it."

"We don't know that there's anything to hunt yet. Besides, I used to patrol in that area all the time alone. I'll be fine. You've got Dawn duty anyway."

"Right... gotta take care of the kid. Just don't do anything that'll get you hurt."

She kisses the back of Faith's hand.

 _They look really good together. Maybe it's not too late for Tara and me._

"I won't, I promise."

 _This whole problem with Tara and I started because things went south with Buffy and her relationship with Faith. But now that things are better I might have a chance to make things right with Tara. And if it doesn't..._

 **End of Chapter 27**


	28. Family fun time

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 28**

Family fun time

 **Dawn's POV**

 _Man he's hot. I wish I was a celebrity. Making loads of money for doing nothing, or even less than nothing, like Paris Hilton. Having people wait on me hand and foot, loads of friends giving me everything I ever wanted. Course if I had that then I'd be Buffy._

 _She's always getting what she wants, doing what she wants, whenever she wants. She's out on patrol now because she wants to. I never get to do anything. It's always 'Dawn it's too dangerous' or 'Dawn you can't it's a school night'. No one ever lets me do anything._

I reach my hand into the bowl of chips in Faith's lap as she flips through the channels with the remote.

 _Oh my god!_

"Wait, stop..."

She stops on MTV and Justin Timberlake is on stage at the VMAs.

"Oh he's so cute... don't you think?"

Faith just puts a chip in her mouth and looks at me like I'm insane.

"Oh come on, he's a total hottie. He's got such a great butt."

Faith's eyebrows just shoot up a little more.

 _Oh, I forgot._

"Right, the whole gay thing. I guess you don't really have an opinion on hot guys anymore."

"Hey, I have opinions on hot guys. I just don't go all nuts over them like you kid. Also, I don't really see what the big deal about Justin Timberlake is anyway. He's no cuter than Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt."

"Are you kidding me? Justin is so much hotter than Tom Cruise. Tom is way too old anyway."

"Pfft! For you maybe."

"Uh! I can't believe you said that. I'm telling Buffy you like Tom Cruise better than her."

She puts the bowl of chips down on the coffee table and turns to me.

"You better not."

I turn my head away to keep from cracking up.

"Will too."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"Well then, I'll just have to..."

She pokes me in the side.

 _Ow!_

"Tickle you until you..."

She pokes me again.

"Promise not to."

She starts tickling me with her fingers and I try to get away while I laugh. I get a few feet from the couch and she tackles me. I wanna get away again but she climbs on top of me.

"Promise you won't tell her what you said."

I smile up at her and I know I'm gonna regret this.

"No."

She tickles me some more and I can't help but laugh out loud.

"S-stop..."

"Not until you promise."

"N-no..."

"Then I'm gonna have to keep TICKLING you until you do."

I can't take it anymore.

"No please stop..."

"Then say it."

"Okay, okay I won't..."

She stops tickling me but doesn't stand up.

"Won't what?"

"I won't tell Buffy that Tom Cruise makes you crazy."

"Good..."

She gets off me and helps me up.

"Cause we both know there's only one person in this world who makes me crazy."

We head back over to the couch and sit down.

"Right, Buffy..."

"She's the one."

 _What?_

"The one?"

She looks at me and picks up the bowl of chips.

"Figure of speech."

"Oh... so how is she?"

"Hmm?"

 _She's trying to ignore the question._

"Buffy, how is she?"

"Why?"

 _Why?_

"Because I care?"

She smiles at me with her next attempt to avoid talking about it.

"Since when?"

 _People are always trying to avoid talking about stuff with me. It's how I got so good at answering questions like these._

"Since she died and came back to life, when do you think?"

She frowns at me and goes back to watching TV.

"She's... good."

"Good?"

"Yeah, we talked. We did some serious talking and, I think things are better."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, where was she?"

"Hmm?"

"When she was, you know... did she tell you?"

"Oh uh, yeah she did."

"And?"

"Look, Dawn, everything's okay now so you don't have to worry about it."

 _Everything's not okay or she wouldn't be trying to avoid talking about it._

"Come on, maybe I can help, you never know. I've known her a lot longer than you have."

"Dawn it's really not important."

She turns her head to look at me.

"But if you wanna help, there is something you can do for me."

"Really? What?"

"Try and get your mom to take you to a late night movie. Sometime on the weekend when there's no school."

The front door opens and Mom comes in.

"Why?"

She smiles at me.

"If I told you that, your mother would kill me."

Mom comes into the living room.

 _Oh I get it. They wanna have another crazy naked sex night with us out of the house._

"Now why would I wanna do that to one of my three favorite girls?"

Faith and I look at each other and just giggle as we respond.

"No reason."

"Nope, no reason at all."

"I see. So what have you two been up to all night?"

"Oh nothing. Just eating junk food and talking about boys."

"Talking about boys?"

"What? I can't talk about boys cause I'm in love with your daughter?"

"YOU, were talking about boys with my 14 year old daughter?"

"Oh uh yeah... say Dawn shouldn't you be going to bed about now?"

"It's only 10:30."

Mom looks at me.

"Dawn?"

"Okay, I'll go."

I head to the stairs and stop at the bottom.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that topic was off limits with Dawn."

"It's okay Faith. I was joking. You're more than welcome to talk about anything you want with Dawn, as long as it doesn't involve beheading or dead bodies."

"Oh, okay."

"Is Buffy home yet?"

"Not yet."

I head up the stairs.

 _I hope everything works out with my sister and Faith._

 **End of Chapter 28**


	29. Kaleidoscoping

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 29**

Kaleidoscoping

 **Buffy's POV**

 _I feel... good. I can't explain it and, maybe I don't want to but... I feel good. Maybe it's what Faith said, maybe it's that she put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me, or maybe it's just all the sex. All I know for sure is that ever since last night I don't feel so focused on my pain anymore. I feel like... a human being, with friends, and family. I haven't felt that way in a long time. Since before I was dead. I feel, like I can live with where I've been, with what's happened to me._

 _And I think I can do it without hating my friends and family... or Faith, I think. Problem is I don't know why. I don't know what I want, or what I'm gonna do with my life. What if when I figure it out I wanna be alone? Or what if I have to be alone to figure it out? I don't want to string Faith along. I don't really know what is gonna happen between Faith and I, but I'm pretty sure I want her with me so we can find out together. I care about Faith, a lot. She's right, and so was Mom. I can't blame Faith for what Willow did, and blaming Willow won't do any good either. Faith was willing to commit murder to keep us from imploding. Why would she do that if she wanted me back so badly?_

 _Mom must've been telling the truth when she said Faith wanted to kill herself to be with me. God that must've been so horrible for her. Maybe Mom was right about us, helping each other through this hard time. We both know what it's like to wish we were dead. Sharing our pain could bring us closer together, emotionally. God knows we're as close as two people can be in a physical sense. Maybe it's time to take it to the next level, emotional closeness._

 _For the longest time, all we ever were to each other was enemies. Then, all the sudden we were lovers, and we couldn't be enemies anymore. But other than an insatiable lust for each other and a tendency to slay vamps on a regular basis, Faith and I have all but nothing in common. We've never been friends, we've never confided in each other about anything. Maybe the best way to grow and move on from everything is to do that, confide in one another. Build something beyond just unquenchable animal lust._

 _Lust is all well and good but it doesn't build lasting relationships. What if all we have is lust? It doesn't mean we can't have something more does it? I mean for a long time all Angel and I had was lust, but slowly it became more than that._

 _I should have a talk with her. God knows I haven't been that nice to her since I've been back. It's time that changed. It's time we did something right. When I get home I'm gonna try and talk with her. Right now I gotta concentrate on patrolling, keep my wits about me in case some big ugly demon type jumps out at me. This is pretty much where Willow said she found the glow-y ball thingy. Whatever put it there must be around here, or was recently. Maybe I could track where it went._

There's a loud bang nearby. I look around and there's another one.

 _Where the hell is that coming from?_

Another bang rings out.

 _It doesn't sound like a gunshot, and it sounds like it's coming from a nearby factory so I know I'm not in any immediate danger. It almost sounds like someone trying to break down a door._

I start to walk toward the factory where the banging is coming from.

 _Whoever is breaking down the door must be pretty powerful. Maybe I should hold off on going up against this thing until I have Faith to help me. Then again, there could be innocent people in there that need my help._

I open the door to the factory and go inside. A loud crash comes from upstairs and I think the door has come down. Then I hear a scream and that pretty much settles any internal struggling I have about leaving it till later.

 _I gotta go do the hero thing._

The man screams out again. As I make my way up the stairs I hear a woman yelling.

"I want my key! Where did you put it?"

 _Geez, all this over a key, what lame ass demon would do that?_

I make it up to the top of the stairs and see a huge hole in the wall where a big metal door used to be.

 _Some big skanky looking blonde chick is beating up on some guy in a brown robe._

She picks the guy up by his robe.

"I... will tell you... nothing."

She throws him across the rather large room.

 _Well that can't be good._

"It doesn't even belong to you. You took it from me and I want it back."

I walk into the place, being sure not to get too close until I know what she is.

"Wow, a lover's quarrel over a stupid little key. And I thought I had problems."

The woman turns around and looks at me with a scowl.

"Who the hell are you?"

I cross my arms over my chest.

"People call me the slayer."

She rolls her eyes and scoffs.

"Ugh! A slayer? You've got to be kidding me."

"Do you know what a slayer is?"

"Yes I do pint-size, and if you get between me and my key. I'll have to slay YOU."

 _Confident much?_

"You think so do you?"

"I know so sweetie. Just leave me and monkey boy alone and I won't snap that pretty little neck of yours."

 _I guess I'm gonna have to get in a scuffle with this demon chick to save monk man._

"You think you can take me?"

I take a few more steps toward her.

"Don't make me lower myself to trading blows with a slayer. All I want is my key."

"Well if you have to beat up robe-y guy to get it, I'm gonna have to stop you."

"Fine."

I blink and she's right in front of me.

 _Wait, what?_

She punches me in the face and I fly across the room, crashing into the wall.

 _Ow!_

I fall to the floor and barely manage to make it up on my elbows.

 _What the hell kinda demon is this chick?_

"You lie on the floor and I'll find my key."

I make it to my feet and take a deep breath to regain focus.

 _I gotta stay sharp if I'm gonna take this girl apart. Time to lie my ass off._

"Is that all you've got?"

 _God I hope I can take this bitch._

"Oh how cute, you got up. I guess I'll just have to put you down again."

She comes at me again and this time I'm ready for her. I dodge her first four punches and come back with five of my own. None of which connect so I try for a roundhouse kick and it only barely makes her stumble.

 _Okay... I guess I'll have to put a little more force behind my punch._

I punch her right between the eyes and follow it up with a gut shot. I repeat this motion twice more to get her on the ropes and then hit her with a spinning back fist to the face.

 _She just takes everything I throw at her and it's like it doesn't even faze her._

I try for a lot more power behind my fist and she grabs it.

"Okay, that's enough of that."

She squeezes my fist and I feel like all the bones in my hand are cracking. I hit her on her inner elbow with my forearm and it breaks her hold.

 _It could be time for a hasty retreat._

I try for a roundhouse kick to get her off balance long enough to escape, but she grabs my leg and spins around before she lets me go. I fly across the room and land next to the bleeding monk. I pull myself up on my hands.

"Help... me..."

 _This guy is in need of some serious medical attention._

I look over at the big bad demon chick that is walking slowly this way.

 _I don't know if I can get away with her following us, but I have to try._

I crawl over to the monk guy and put his arm over my shoulders as we get up.

 _My leg is killing me from when she threw me across the room with it, but I have to make it to the window._

"HEY! Hands off my holy man!"

 _If we can make it out the window maybe we can get away._

"He's mine! Bring him back here!"

She stomps her foot and the floor shakes. She stomps her foot with every word.

"Bring! Him! Back! Right! Now!"

The ceiling starts coming down around her. We make it to the window as the demon chick gets buried under the concrete ceiling. I put my arms around the monk and throw myself out the window. I brace myself as we fall from the second story window.

 _Ow!_

He lands on top of me as we hit the ground.

 _God that hurts._

He rolls off of me, coughing up blood.

 _I have to get him to the hospital and away from that THING, whatever she was._

I pull myself to my hands and knees despite the throbbing, mind numbing pain of falling out of a second story window. I pull him up with me to our feet.

"Come on... we have to... get out of here."

"My journey is, done... I think..."

 _No we can't s-stop._

"We have to, keep going..."

He falls to the ground.

"I'm dying..."

"You're not going to die, I'm gonna..."

"It is... up to you. You must protect... the key..."

 _The key? What is it with this key?_

"The key, what is it?"

"The key is... energy. It opens the door. For centuries, it had no form at all. Then the beast came..."

 _The beast? That demon woman?_

"We had to... hide, the key. For fear of... what she would do. My brethren, we molded it... gave it form, made it human and sent it, to you..."

 _What?_

"What do you mean? Who?"

"The slayers... your love... brought it forth..."

 _Our love?_

"Faith?"

"No... your sister..."

 _Dawn?_

"What? What does Dawn have to do with anything?"

"She's, the key..."

 _How? But..._

"She can't be... I, remember... my memories, my Mom's?"

"We built them, to give the key, meaning..."

 _I, I don't believe it. I can't believe it._

"She's, an innocent in this. You must keep her, safe. Your... love... the love... of the slayers... will keep her, safe."

"Our love?"

"Her form, was taken from, a piece of each of you. She was born, from the love you share."

 _Dawn's my, daughter?_

"Keep... her... safe..."

He lets out the last of his breath and...

 _Oh god, I think he's..._

I feel his pulse and it's not there.

"I'm sorry..."

I hear cracking and moving from the rubble in the factory.

 _She must still be alive up there._

I stand up.

 _Dawn... I have to get to Dawn._

 **End of Chapter 29**


	30. Bad things

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 30**

Bad things

 **Author's Note:** Not sure how many of you noticed, but I uploaded the first chapter of the sequel to Just a College Girl this Monday. It's called 'Sins of the Past'. Feel free to leave a review on that and this chapter. It keeps me motivated.

 **Faith's POV**

 _I wonder when Buffy's getting home. There's only so much late night TV a girl can take before it starts to bug the crap out of me. And hey, already there. There's some chick on Leno, or Letterman or whatever, they all look the same to me. Anyway, this kinda hot chick, Charisma something is talking about how she took her clothes off for Playboy. You know, something about her reminds me of Cordy. Bah, whatever... I don't care._

I start flipping through the channels again.

 _There's only one girl that's ever on my mind._

The front door opens.

 _Speaking of which..._

I jump to my feet and walk over there to get some TLC from my one and only. The sight of her makes me stop in my tracks, in a really bad way. She's hunched over slightly, holding her wrist and limping. There's a huge bruise on her face but I get the impression that's not the only one from the pained look on her face.

"B... oh god what happened?"

I rush to her side and put my arm around her to keep her upright.

"Where's Dawn?"

 _Dawn?_

"What does Dawn have to do with anything?"

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs, sleeping. Same with Joyce."

"Okay... good... good..."

I lead her over to the couch to sit down.

"What's this about?"

We sit down and I lean her against me.

"I just... I don't want them to see me like this... it would only make them worry."

"Well I wasn't about to jump for joy about it myself. What happened?"

I put my hand against Buffy's cheek and gently turn it to look in her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm, I'm fine honey I just... no major injuries to speak of."

I pat my hand against her mid-section to check for sore spots.

"Are you sure?"

She pulls my hand away and looks down at the floor.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just a little sore is all."

 _Sore?_

"Anything I can do to help with that?"

"I, I think I just wanna go to bed. Do the sleepy healing thing."

"Okay sure... on one condition though. What did this?"

"I... I don't know. Some evil demon chick, I don't know what she is. I've never, faced anything like this chick. She's really strong, stronger than me, maybe stronger than you."

 _Not likely._

"Well we'll go after her, together. You and me'll take her apart piece by piece."

"Okay... but not tonight."

"No, of course not. Tomorrow, we'll hunt her down and kill her to death."

"Okay..."

I help her to her feet and we head upstairs. It takes us a while on account of her limping.

"Wait..."

We stop in front of Dawn's room.

"What?"

"I... I have to see her first."

She looks over at Dawn's partially open door.

"She's sleeping B."

She straightens up and starts limping to the door. I start to the door myself but Buffy puts her hand up to stop me.

"It's okay, I can go by myself."

I stop and watch her go in.

 _What's that about?_

Once she's in I walk over and peer in the door. I watch as she limps her way to the bed and sits on the edge next to Dawn. She reaches down and combs a hair out of her face before leaning over and kisses her forehead. My slayer hearing picks up four whispered words.

"I love you, Dawn."

After a few more moments she stands up and heads this way. I back up and she comes out.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Let's go to bed."

We head to bed.

 _Things are far from okay. Buffy's pretty beat up, and something happened tonight, something that Buffy doesn't want me to know._

We walk into our room and get ready for bed.

 _It has something to do with Dawn but she won't tell me what._

I climb into bed first.

 _I thought we trusted each other enough to confide in one another. I thought we loved each other enough to tell each other everything._

She climbs into bed, into my arms.

 _I guess maybe I was wrong._

 **End of Chapter 30**


	31. Acceptance

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 31**

Acceptance

 **Author's Note:** I've started a poll, because I'm going to start posting more than one story. Choose the one or two days you'd prefer that I post. Check it out in my profile.

 **Buffy's POV**

"What did this demon woman look like?"

 _Dawn... how could this all be about Dawn?_

"She was... I don't know. She looked human. I didn't think she would be as strong as she was."

 _There are things that I remember, about Dawn, about growing up with her that I just can't accept that they never happened, growing up with her, living with her, helping raise her, complaining about her. How could none of them have happened? Especially that last one.  
_  
"Is there anything specific you can remember about her? Anything that might give us a clue as to what she might be?"

"I remember a lot of things like... I remember her hand crushing my fist like it was filled with crackers. I remember her beating my ass till it was a brand new shape. I also remember fleeing in terror with that monk guy."

"Come on B, don't talk like that. We'll track this girl down together and slay her real good."

 _That's assuming she isn't already coming for Dawn. I don't care how she got here, she's my sister and I love her. And now that I know Dawn's not just my sister, she's also my daughter it just makes me wanna protect her even more._

I look at Faith.

 _But she's not just MY daughter. She's Faith's daughter too. The monk was very clear that it was the love we share that made them send her to me... to us. But I'm not even sure there is a love to share after everything I've been through. I do care about her though. I don't wanna put her in any danger. How do I know I won't put Faith and Dawn's life in danger if I tell her the truth? Faith was willing to kill me to save me. How do I know Faith won't kill Dawn to save the world? I can't let that happen, I have to protect Dawn._

"Buffy?"

"Hmm? What?"

"We were discussing the monk. There are a few orders that bare investigation, is there anything you can remember that might help narrow the search?"

"I... no, no I don't think so. He was just some religious guy in a brown robe."

 _I didn't even think to see if he had something on him._

"What about this key thing you mentioned? Did he say anything about where it might be? What it might be?"

"I... no, he didn't get to it before he died. He said the key was... energy, some sort of mystical thing that 'opens the door'. Whatever that means..."

"The door? What door? A door to where?"

"I don't know..."

"Well, it's a place to start at any rate. Xander, you and Anya begin researching this demon woman Buffy encountered. Willow?"

Willow doesn't say anything.

"Willow?"

"Oh, uh, yeah?"

"Would you and Tara be so kind as to look into the key? I'll check the book of Karameth, see if it makes reference to either the key or this woman."

 _Research the key?_

"I... maybe we should, focus more on the demon."

Everyone looks at me confused, especially Faith.

"Why's that Buff?"

 _I can't keep this to myself. I have to tell someone._

"Well I just, if we figure out who or what this woman is we might be able to find out what she wants the key for and then we can protect... I mean stop her."

"Knowledge of the key might help us to find it and as a result perhaps even give us a way to keep it from her."

 _Giles, I'll tell Giles. He'll understand, he can help me save her._

"You're right, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Is there anything Faith and I can do?"

"Yes, we want to help."

"Perhaps the two of you should return to where you last saw her. You might be able to track where she went."

"Good, good... we'll do that, right Faith?"

She doesn't look at me as she responds.

"Yeah sure B, we can try."

"Good, Giles can I talk to you? Alone?"

"Of course... let's get to work."

I turn to Faith who still won't look at me.

"Would you mind waiting for me?"

"Uh-hun..."

"Thanks."

I turn and follow Giles into another part of the house.

 **End of Chapter 31**


	32. Fall to pieces

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 32**

Fall to pieces

 **Willow's POV**

 _This is good. This is good, I can tell Tara that things are better between Buffy and Faith and she won't leave me._

I go into my room and I feel like my heart is gonna get ripped apart.

"Tara? What's going on?"

There's a suitcase on the bed and clothes all around it. Tara looks like she's been crying.

"I... I have to go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Away..."

"Why?"

She finally looks at me for the first time in days.

"You, you know why."

"Tara I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I have to say it before you know I mean it. I know what I did was wrong. I knew it before I did the spell, but I did it anyway. But things are better now, I think, and if they aren't completely better yet then they're at least heading in the right direction. You should've seen the two of them today, they look... happier."

She starts putting her clothes in the suitcase.

"This isn't about them anymore. This is about me... and you."

"I thought this was about what I did."

"It is... and it isn't."

 _What?_

"Tara, you're not making any sense."

"A long time ago, I made a promise to... s-someone, someone very important to me. I promised I'd never use magic f-for the wrong reason, and that's what I did when we resurrected Buffy."

"When I resurrected Buffy you mean. You weren't the one who did the spell."

"I was there. I was a part of it. And I ignored every instinct I had about the spell to do so. What kind of person am I that would do that?"

I walk up to her and she stops packing to take a few steps back.

"You're a good person Tara. You're a kind and gentle person, with an incredible heart, the heart that made me fall in love with you."

"That's, actually one of the problems."

"Tara, don't say that."

She takes a deep breath. I can feel the tears coming as she keeps speaking.

"The reason I ignored all my instincts and morals, was you. Because I loved you so much and wanted to trust in you, but we weren't doing the right thing, and I knew that. I knew that and I still let it happen. I don't know that I can be with someone who would do that. I love you so much I'd do anything for you and, I don't know why but that scares me more than I'd like."

I fall to my knees and put my arms around her. The tears start flowing.

"Tara, don't leave me. Please don't leave me baby."

Her hand reaches down and touches my head. Her breathing starts catching in her throat like she's holding back from crying.

"Willow..."

I look up at her, tears in my eyes.

"I love you, nothing will ever change that. I just, don't know who I am anymore. Until I know, I think I have to be alone."

"Tara please, we can work this out."

She pulls my arms from around her and kneels in front of me.

"And we will..."

Her lips touch mine gently.

"One day we will..."

"Don't leave me Tara."

"I'll come back to you Willow. My sweet Willow..."

She pulls me into her arms and I hold on to her as if my life depended on it, because it does.

"Nothing will ever make me stop loving you... NOTHING..."

A tear rolls down her cheek as she stands up and takes a deep breath. All I can do is try to keep from falling apart as I stand myself up.

"Where would you go?"

She starts packing again and I turn away.

 _I can't watch this happening again._

"I don't know exactly. Home, maybe? My 20th birthday is coming up."

 _Her birthday?_

"What does that have to do with...?"

"I need to go somewhere I can be alone. Think things through."

 _No... no, I won't let this happen, not again. First Oz, now Tara._

"So what, you're just gonna give up on us? Give up on everything we have? Why?"

She stops.

"I haven't given up on us. I've given up on me. I've given up on the person I thought I was. Now I have to find out who it is I've become."

She throws a few more things into her suitcase and then locks it. She puts her arms around my neck and kisses me deeply and passionately, tears flowing with restraint. No sooner do our lips part then she picks up her suitcase and heads to the door.

"Tara?"

She stops and looks back at me.

"I love you..."

It takes her a moment to fight back the tears we both know are coming.

"I... love you t-too."

She lingers on her words for a few moments and then, she turns and leaves. I sit down on the bed, head in my hands and just let the tears flow.

 _She's gone, Tara's gone. I wanted her to stay. I would've begged even harder if I thought it would've made a difference, but it wouldn't have and that just makes everything so much worse. Knowing that there was nothing I could've done or said to keep her from leaving me. I couldn't make her love me enough to stay with me and work things out. She said she loves me but how can I believe her when she left me? I can't... but I want to. I love her, even if she doesn't love me back. I'll love her, even if I never ever see her again._

 **Buffy's POV**

"I... I don't believe it."

 _I know._

"I didn't really want to believe it at first either. But I think it's true..."

"If it is true then we must find a way to protect her from this woman."

 _I knew Giles would understand._

"We must discover what she wants with Dawn."

"They sent her to me to protect her, and I'm going to. I don't care if my memories are fake, I still remember them. I still love her like a sister."

"We will find a way to keep her safe, I promise."

I let out a deep breath.

"Thank you."

He smiles at me for a moment before getting pensive face.

"Have you thought about, telling her?"

"Dawn? I, no, she'd freak. I can't tell her, not yet."

"No, not Dawn. Though I do think you'll have to tell her at some point, there's someone else you should tell."

I lower my eyes as I know who he's talking about.

"Faith..."

"She has a right to know the truth about Dawn. She must be a part of this."

"No, no I can't... she, she wouldn't understand."

"Why not?"

"She was willing to kill me to save me. How do I know she won't kill Dawn to save the world?"

"Buffy..."

"I can't. I won't put Dawn's life in danger."

"Dawn's life is already in danger. And more to the point, you don't know what Faith would do Buffy. She cares very deeply for Dawn. She has for many years even if she wouldn't admit it."

"Except that she hasn't. We don't know how long Dawn has actually been here. It might've only been a few months, or weeks, or even days."

"But you remember her for longer than that."

"Yes..."

"As does Faith, she may choose the same path you have."

"But she might not. I can't take that risk."

"Why not?"

I don't have a response to that.

"Buffy, are you sure this is about protecting Dawn?"

 _What?_

"Perhaps your inability to tell Faith stems not from wanting to keep Dawn safe but from fear that you can't trust Faith?"

"What? I, no I trust Faith it's just... we haven't always confided in each other but... I trust her."

"The way you trusted her when you found her over Riley's body? Or the way you trusted her enough to tell her the truth about where you were when you had passed on?"

"Well I... I had every reason to believe Faith killed him. I found her over his body with his blood on her hands."

"But when she told you she didn't do it, you wouldn't believe her."

"I, what the hell was I supposed to think?"

"This isn't about what you thought. This is about what you were or weren't willing to believe. You weren't willing to consider the idea that Faith didn't kill Riley."

"So what? Why does it matter?"

"Because you have a problem trusting Faith and until you address that I don't think you should decide whether or not to tell Faith the truth about Dawn."

I look Giles in the eyes and take a deep breath.

"Maybe you're right..."

He smiles at me.

"But I can't just, tell her. I can't just go out there and say 'Hey guess what?' you know?"

"Perhaps not but I think you owe it to yourself and to Faith as well to find a way to tell her at some point."

My head drops into my hands.

"How?"

"That's something I can't tell you."

 _I should ask him. I've been meaning to ask him since I've been back._

"Giles?"

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you stop them?"

He just looks at me for a few moments before standing, as if to start pacing.

"Willow and the gang..."

He walks over to his bookcase, moves it gently aside to reveal a safe which he begins to open. He unlocks it and pulls out a book.

 _Why would he lock a book in a, safe? Is that what I think it is?_

He comes over and puts the golden colored book down on the coffee table in front of me.

"The, Book of Karameth?"

"Yes..."

"What?"

"In my own personal quest to help Faith I attempted to translate the rest of the text for guidance. Perhaps to find a way to comfort Faith in her time of need."

"And?"

"It doesn't make specific references to anything, but it does imply many hardships will befall those mentioned in the prophecy over a large period of time. And the two of you were only together a matter of weeks before the fight with Omega, so when I heard about the resurrection spell..."

 _I get it, sorta._

"You didn't interfere."

"I knew that whatever happened was meant to. As were any consequences."

 _Consequences, like Dawn?_

"My active involvement in the events, might only have served to change them in any number of ways. So while I believe the spell Willow cast was against the very laws of nature and that there could be very serious repercussions, I felt I should leave the decision up to someone else."

"My mom..."

"She may not be impartial but she is your mother, and therefore would instinctively do what's best for you, and for Faith. Much in the way you must do what's best for Dawn, and for your relationship with Faith."

"You're right... you're right I should tell her."

I stand up and turn to the door to the living room. I walk up to the door.

"There is no need to rush into it. Take your time, wait until you are ready."

"No I... I should tell her before I lose my nerve."

I open the door and go out into the living room.

"Hey Buffy, everything okay?"

I look around before answering Xander's question.

"Yeah, it's all good. Where's Faith?"

"She left. Said she got tired of waiting for you and decided to go patrolling. If you want you can catch her at the Mansfield Cemetery, she said she'd be in that area tonight."

"Oh... okay, I probably should. Did you guys find anything?"

"You mean in the exactly 30 minutes we've been on the case?"

Giles comes up behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"No, nothing..."

"There's no need for sarcasm Xander. We'll find something, don't worry. You should go."

I look back at Giles and smile.

"Thanks, I will. I'll see if I can find Faith, maybe see if she and I can take apart this demon chick."

He takes his hand off my shoulder to clean his glasses.

"Perhaps, but be careful. We don't know anything about her yet."

I head to the door.

"Let me know if you find anything?"

"We will."

"Thanks."

I leave and go find Faith.

 _Giles is right, I need to talk to Faith about Dawn at some point. But when? And why didn't she wait for me? I have to find her._

 **End of Chapter 32**


	33. Trouble in not so paradise

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 33**

Trouble in not so paradise

 **Glory's POV**

 _My key, my key, my key... where the hell's my key?_

"DREGG!"

He comes in looking to grovel at my feet.

"How may I serve you most spendiforus Glorificus?"

"My key, where is it?"

"We don't know your most beautiful and gracious Glorificus."

"Why not?"

"We humbly beg your forgiveness oh great one but, finding the key in this dimension is proving to be most difficult. The key could have been pressed into..."

"Anything, yes I know. That still doesn't put my key in my hand Dregg."

"And what a powerful and silky smooth hand it is. We are working on finding a way to detect the key but the scroll with such a spell has been lost for centuries. It shall be a great quest to find the scroll and present it to you your silky-smoothedness."

"Well hurry up, I'm not getting any younger."

"You are the great Glorificus, you are immortal... you are timeless."

"I know scab-head, it's just an expression."

"Oh, oh forgive me oh great one. Your massive intellect overshadows my feeble brain."

"Mm-hmm what about that slayer who stole my monk, did you find her yet?"

"Unfortunately not shiny special one, but we are looking for her. We suspect that being a slayer we might find her easier if we stick to the cemeteries at night."

"Well yes obviously you piece of carpet mold. A fruit fly could tell you that."

"Forgive me oh great one."

I look down at him groveling at my feet.

"Go away! Go find her so I can figure out where my key is."

"Yes magnificent one. It shall be done."

He slithers out of my room on his pathetic legs.

 _Ugh, that slayer took my monk. Monkey boy probably told her about my key. What it is and where to find it? Whatever... the important thing is that slayer bitch may know more about where my key is then I do, and that doesn't bode well for the little slay gal. I'll just have to kill her, and anyone else who gets in the way of me finding my key. Hey, not now... not now I have better things to do then... then spend time as..._

 **Ben's POV**

 _Me..._

 **Buffy's POV**

 _Where is she? I went all over the Mansfield Cemetery, and when I didn't find her I went through 2 other cemeteries on my way home. I know things aren't all wrapped up in a neat little pink bow with me and Faith, she hates pink bows, but I kinda wished she'd waited for me. I probably would've told her right then and there. Now I'm not so sure._

 _It's not like I've changed my mind about telling her, I have to tell her. It's just, now I'm all nervous, and worried about how she's gonna react to it all. I was still nervous back at Giles'. It was just the kind of nervous where I'd blurt stuff out and now? Not so much. I want to tell her, I really do. I'm just not sure I can find the words to tell her. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself._

 _Dawn's my... my... I had the thought when the monk told me. I explained it to Giles, with little problem. So why is it so hard for me to talk to Faith about this?_

I take a deep breath and go up to my house, going inside.

 _I'll figure it out, eventually._

I walk in and hear the TV going in the living room. I look over and Faith is sitting on the couch, eating chips and staring at the screen. She just looks like she's mindlessly staring, and kinda angry.

 _I think I better play this delicately._

I go in and stand a few feet from the entrance, trying not to crowd her.

 _She knows I'm here, she knows I know she knows I'm here. I know she knows I know she knows I'm here... and yet, she all but refuses to turn her attention from the TV. I guess I better make the first move._

"Hey..."

She barely reacts.

"Hey..."

I just look at her.

 _I guess I hadn't really planned beyond the greeting._

She actually turns her head to look at me for a split second.

"What?"

"Nothing..."

She looks at me for another second.

"Okay..."

 _All right that was a total lie. But at least she's talking to me, which is good, especially since I'm not entirely sure why she's angry with me._

"I was at Mansfield Cemetery earlier. Thought you said you'd be there?"

 _Oh that's smart. I'll make things better by making accusations._

"I was."

"Not when I got there you weren't."

 _How much of my foot do I actually wanna put in my mouth?_

"Yeah well, got tired... decided I'd come home and pack on a few pounds."

"I bet I can help you work them off."

 _Now, I'm hitting on her. Where exactly am I trying to go?_

"I bet you could, so what?"

 _This is going to be a lot worse than I hoped._

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make it sound like..."

She turns off the TV and comes this way, never looking at me.

"I'm going to bed."

 _That was a little colder than I expected._

I stop her from passing me.

"Faith..."

"What?"

"What's going on?"

She just looks at me. The phone starts ringing and someone picks it up.

"Whatever's got you mad, we can talk about it."

She looks at me finally.

"Can we?"

"Yes we can. Just tell me, I promise I won't get mad. No matter what it is, I'll do whatever it takes to make it right."

She rolls her eyes at me.

"You wanna make things right?"

I put my hands on her shoulders.

"Yes..."

"You wanna know what's going on?"

"Yes..."

 _I really, really do._

"Why don't you tell me?"

 _Wait what?_

"What?"

"If you wanna know what's wrong, you have to tell me."

"Faith I..."

"Whatever is going on, I'm not a part of it. I'm out of the loop on this one. There's something wrong. Something bigger than this demon chick that kicked your ass..."

"She didn't kick my..."

"If you wanna make things right... start there."

 _Start where? Dawn?_

When I don't say anything, she moves past me. I grab her arm to turn her back to me.

"Faith please, I'm sorry..."

"Don't pretend you're sorry B."

"I am sorry baby."

Again she rolls her eyes at me, letting out an angry sigh with it.

"Does it make it easier... thinking of me like a child?"

"Faith no, that's not..."

"Treating me like a kid that needs to be protected?"

"Faith I never..."

"Something's going on and either you're trying to protect me, which I so don't need, or you're scared of what I'm gonna do cause it somehow involves Dawn."

"What?"

"I'm not stupid B."

"I never said you were..."

"The first words out of your mouth to me after getting your ass kicked were 'where's Dawn'. And when we passed by her room, you just HAD to go in and tell her you loved her. She was sleeping B. You couldn't wait till tomorrow? Especially in the condition you were in? Come on B, something going on. What is it?"

 _I'm just... in shock. I wanna say something but the words get stuck between my head and my mouth. I wanted to make things better and in doing so she just unloaded everything my way. I wanna say I'm sorry, but that never really works out with Faith._

"I don't know what to say."

"Well why don't you start and end with what's really going on?"

My mom comes in, phone in hand with a serious look on her face.

"Faith I..."

"Girls..."

Faith's gaze never leaves me as I look at Mom.

"What is it Mom?"

"It's Willow. I think something's wrong?"

Faith finally averts her gaze from me to Mom as she hands the phone to me. I put the phone to my ear.

"Willow?"

 **End of Chapter 33**


	34. Failure

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 34**

Failure

 **Faith's POV**

 _Fucking bitch..._

I turn down the hall to Willow and Tara's place, following B.

 _She got away with it. She got away with not telling me what's going on, again. I know it's not her fault. Something's going on with Willow and I wanna be there for her just as much as B. Willow's my friend and she's Buffy's best friend, I'll help any way I can. Especially after the things she's done for me in the past. But that still doesn't fix things with B and I. Something's going on, something big, maybe even end of the world big I dunno, and she's keeping me in the dark because it's got something to do with Dawn._

 _But the question becomes, why? Dawn's a nobody. I mean I love her like a little sister but she's no one important. She's just a naive, kinda weird little kid. There's no way I'm letting this go, especially if it puts Dawn in danger. But for now I gotta focus on someone else... Willow. I get the impression from the side of the conversation I was in on that Willow didn't say much of anything, that she cried so much she really couldn't form complete sentences. I know what that's like. I just don't know what would cause Willow to be in that much pain._

"So, did she say anything?"

"Hmm?"

 _Again with the avoiding._

"On the phone, did Willow say anything about what was wrong?"

"Oh, no... she didn't."

"Like you'd tell me anyway."

We make it to just outside Willow's dorm room and she turns to me.

"Faith, don't do this. Not now."

"Do what?"

"We're here for Willow. Can't we just, leave our own problems out here? So we can deal with Willow's problems in there?"

I just look at her for a second before rolling my eyes.

"Fine, whatever you want B... again."

All of the sudden the look on her face changes, like she just realized I'm never gonna let this go.

"Faith I know you and I have a lot to talk about, and I want to talk with you about it. But we can't do that and leave Willow in there in the condition she's probably in."

 _Boy, did I not need a lecture right now._

"I said it was cool B, whatever..."

"Faith..."

"Oh for fuck's sake B..."

I move past her, knocking her shoulder into mine as I get to the door. I knock on the door to Willow's room and in seconds the door swings open.

"Tara?"

The glimmer of hope in Willow's eyes quickly disappears as she realizes it's us.

 _Shouldn't Tara be here with her? Unless this is about Tara..._

"Willow, what's wrong?"

 _Oh good one B. Blunt enough for ya?_

Then, the unthinkable happens. Willow all but jumps into my arms, wrapping her own around me as she starts crying into my shoulder.

"Faith... oh Faith thank god you guys are here."

I put my arms around Red slowly, not entirely sure what to do.

 _I don't usually get this close to people I'm not bonking, probably why I never had friends before coming to Sunnydale. But after falling for B and everything that's happened since then, I can honestly say I don't think of Willow 'that way'. Which makes this situation I'm in totally new territory, but I'll do my best._

"It's okay Red... we're here to help."

"Whatever you need."

I look at B, then up and down the hall.

 _Maybe we shouldn't do this out here in the open._

"Come on Red, let's go inside and you can tell us all about what happened okay?"

"O-okay..."

"Okay..."

I pull her rather strong grip off me slightly to lead her back inside her room. B follows close and shuts the door behind us. We move over to the bed and sit down, B and I on either side of Red. B puts her hand on Willow's shoulder.

"What happened?"

"T-Tara... she's... she's gone..."

 _What?_

"What do you mean gone?"

"She... l-left, m-me..."

"Left you?"

"S-she left t-town..."

"Why?"

"Because of me..."

 _Because of her?_

"What do you mean?"

"I m-made her leave me."

"I'm sure you didn't MAKE her leave you."

"No, I did... it's all my fault."

Buffy puts her arms around Willow, hugging her tight.

 _That doesn't make any sense._

"Why would Tara say something like that?"

"She... it was the s-spell."

Buffy pulls back a bit.

"The spell?"

She looks Buffy in the eyes and it dawns on us.

 _The spell?_

I don't know what to say, but B does.

"Oh..."

"She said after everything that's happened, she's not sure who she is anymore. She needed time alone to figure it out and that she couldn't do that with me around, so she left."

 _Oh..._

"I-if I hadn't... hadn't done the s-spell... Tara wouldn't have left me."

 _I don't have any idea what to do, or say._

"She... she didn't want to do the spell but... but she did... she did it for me..."

 _And Willow didn't listen to her for me. She brought Buffy back for me, and it cost her Tara. God how much more screwed up can this get?_

Willow starts crying again and all B and I can do is look at her as we fail to make it better.

 **End of Chapter 34**


	35. Opposite Sides

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 35**

Opposite Sides

 **Dawn's POV**

 _Something's wrong. Something's really wrong with Buffy and Faith, and for some reason I think it's my fault. I don't really know what's going on, I didn't hear most of it but I did hear my name come up a few times. I wanted to get closer but I couldn't without them noticing. And then they got that phone call. Mom told me later on it was Willow, but wouldn't tell me why she called. I got the impression it was something bad, I hope she's all right._

 _Why is it everyone's talking to each other but no one will talk to me? What's wrong with me? What is it about me that people don't like? No one ever asks me if I can help. If this problem between my sister and her cooler than Buffy girlfriend is about me, should I do something about it? Or be involved or um, know about it?_

 _Maybe I should talk to Faith about that plan thing she had a couple days ago. Maybe that'll make things better between them. I'll get Mom to help me... somehow. She knows more about this love stuff than I do. Plus they both talk to Mom. Neither of them talks to me. I'll talk to Mom tomorrow._

 **Glory's POV**

 _My key, my key, my key... where the hell's my key? That bitch of a slayer has my key and I want it back. I'm going to make her tell me, but first I have to find her._

I break down the door to this, rather pedestrian magic shop, and go inside.

 _That's why I'm here. Dregg and the other little piss-ants I have working for me said this is where I'd find the ingredients for that little spell they scrounged up. Now, if I were a Sobekian bloodstone... where would I be?_

Some grubby little human comes up to me as I start looking around. I didn't think humans stayed up this late.

"Wow, now that was just so cool. Can you teach me to do that?"

I roll my eyes as I grab him by the throat and snap it. Some chick comes over, kinda upset.

 _She was probably screwing that sack of shit._

"Oh my GOD! What did you do?"

She checks out her moron of a dead lover's neck. Realizing what an idiot her lover was she comes to confront me.

"WHAT did you DO?"

She punches me in the stomach and all the bones in her hand and most of them in her arm break. I grab her by the hair as she drops to her meager knees. I snap her neck. By this time the rest of the customers have noticed me and decide to flee for their lives.

 _Geez you'd think the humans in this town had never seen people murdered in front of them before._

"Leave this place."

Another sack of crap starts annoying me by defending his business.

"Where do you keep your Sobekian bloodstones and Kohl's amulets?"

"I will not tell you."

 _Not another one._

It takes me less than a split second to close the gap between us and grab him by his fleshy little neck.

"Sobekian bloodstones, where are they?"

He chokes on his own words as he points to a shelf of magical trinkets.

"T-there... t-top right... s-shelf..."

I drag him by his stupid fragile neck to the shelf. I see what I'm looking for and pick it up.

"And the Kohl's amulets?"

"Three... s-shelves... over..."

I drag him 3 shelves over and pick up the amulet.

"Okay now, time to check out."

I pull his lazy bag of meat to the sales counter and throw him over it. I set my items on the counter and ring the bell next to the register. I tap my fingers impatiently as no one comes to serve me.

"HELLO! CUSTOMER with a PURCHASE here?"

He manages to get his lazy ass off the floor and hangs off the counter.

"Ah, there you are. I'd like to buy these please."

"Take... t-them..."

 _Damn fragile humans. He's so afraid of dying he'll give these away from free._

"Can I get a bag at least?"

He reaches down with severe pain on his face, and pulls out a little pink bag.

 _Ooh I love pink. It goes so well with my complexion._

I put my items in my bag and turn to leave.

 _Oh wait..._

"I forgot to give you a tip."

I spin around, swinging my fist into his pathetic face. It shatters every bone in his soft squishy head. He doesn't even have time to scream as the blood splatters all over my hand.

 _Ugh, now I'm gonna have to take a bath. Fucking humans..._

 **End of Chapter 35**


	36. Parents

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 36**

Parents

 **Buffy's POV**

"So what do we do?"

 _She keeps asking that and I keep giving her the same answer._

"I don't know."

"Well we have to do something don't we B? I mean this is our fault."

I look at her, sorta half pacing in our room.

"How do you figure?"

She faces me.

"Did you go deaf? You heard what Willow said. Tara left her because of the spell."

"Okay but how do you get from that, to our fault?"

The look on her face changes like she's thinking about hitting me.

"Were you even in the same room? Of course this is our fault."

"Wasn't it you who told me the spell wasn't my fault? That it wasn't your fault either?"

"That's different."

"Is it?"

"B, that was about blame, not fault."

"So you think it was my fault?"

"Oh for god sake B, are we really gonna go through this again?"

"Well we never really talked everything out did we?"

"And whose fault is that?"

I look down at my feet, sitting at the end of the bed.

"I know."

"I was the one who wanted to talk everything out. But you weren't ready for it. You needed time to figure things out."

"I know and I'm sorry about that. Things have been a little screwed up in here since..."

I stop there.

 _I don't want to give her any more reasons to yell at me._

"Well maybe that's why we're here now? Maybe things aren't so screwed up anymore and you've decided you don't want me around?"

"What? Faith, no that's not..."

"Maybe that's why you haven't told me what's going on? Cause you want me to leave."

 _She's not even listening to me anymore. She's just decided we're breaking up, when that's not what I want._

"Faith..."

"I told you before B. All you have to do is say the word and I'll leave and never come back. I may love you B, but there's no way I'm just gonna sit around and wait till you DECIDE to let me in on everything."

I stand up to look her right in the eye, face to face.

 _This isn't about our feelings. This is about trust, and honesty. It goes way beyond love._

"Faith... the last time you said you'd leave I asked you to stay, and it's my fault that things got to the point where you have to make that offer again. So I'm asking again, if there's any hope left in you that we can work this out, then stay. Please don't leave."

She takes a deep breath.

"Tell me what's going on... and I won't."

I stare into her eyes, seconds ticking away, every moment a lifetime in her eyes. The door swings open and Dawn comes rushing in.

"Hey guys?"

Faith turns to Dawn and snaps.

"WHAT?"

Dawn trips and falls at Faith's anger.

 _Oh my god!_

I rush to Dawn's side to make sure she's okay.

"Dawn?"

"Is she okay?"

I look at Faith as Dawn sits up, a little dazed but fine. Faith's just looking at Dawn, her look of concern slowly changing to a look of contemplation. As if she's trying to figure her out.

"You didn't have to yell at her."

"What?"

"No, it's okay I'm... I'm fine I just... I'm fine, it's fine. Everything's fine..."

I help Dawn to her feet.

"You shouldn't have yelled at her. She could've gotten seriously hurt."

"She just tripped B. Besides, if you hadn't made me so mad in the first place maybe I wouldn't have done it."

"Hey guys it's cool, I'm fine!"

"That doesn't give you an excuse to yell at Dawn."

"Excuse?"

"Maybe if you spent a little more time trying to control your emotions you wouldn't have done it."

"Controlling my emotions?"

Faith gets right up in my face.

"Well EXCUSE ME, but who was it that decided shortly after getting her ass handed to her that she just had to get a piece of mine in the middle of a graveyard?"

"Don't... you shouldn't talk about that stuff in front of Dawn."

"Why not? It's not like she didn't all but catch the show anyway."

"Okay guys, everything's fine. There's no reason to..."

Faith pushes Dawn out of the way, making her stumble back a few steps.

"Stay out of this Dawn."

 _Oh my god!_

"Don't push her!"

I grab Faith by the collar.

"Geez B, freak out much?"

 _Fuck it!_

I pull my fist back, only to hit Dawn in the face with my elbow. I spin around, realizing what I've done as I see her lying on the floor holding her face.

"Dawn?"

She looks up at us, tears in her eyes.

"You hit me..."

"Oh god Dawn sweetie I'm sorry."

I kneel down to see if she's all right.

"Get away from me."

She scrambles on the floor to put some distance between us. Faith comes over and stands next to me, but that only serves to make Dawn get up and back away even more.

"Dawn, are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay?"

 _We should take a look at that red spot on her cheek, which will probably turn purple soon._

"Dawn, honey let's take a look at that bruise."

"Oh you mean the bruise YOU gave me?"

I take a step forward.

"Don't touch me..."

She turns and runs out of the room. Moments later we hear the door to her room slam shut. I stand up and Faith turns to me.

"Now look at what you did. Go get her an ice pack or something. I'll see if I can get her to come out of her room."

She leaves and heads to Dawn's room.

 _An ice pack, right... oh god what have I done? What did I do?_

I work my way down the stairs and head to the kitchen.

 _I was so angry at Faith that all I wanted to do was hurt her, and I ended up hurting Dawn instead._

I move through the kitchen to the fridge and open the freezer side.

 _It's not like Dawn's bruise was life threatening._

I take out one of the ice packs I leave in there for after a big fight and head back upstairs.

 _But I should've known better. I should've known that getting into a fist fight with Faith, it never ends well, and not just for me and Faith._

I reach the top of the stairs and turn toward Dawn's room. Faith's standing outside her door and knocking.

"Come on Dawnie let us in will ya?"

"I SAID GO AWAY!"

I look at Faith and hold up the ice pack.

"No luck?"

She rolls her eyes at me and knocks again. There's no answer of any kind. I go to open the door but Faith grabs my wrist.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm going in."

She holds my wrist tighter as I go for the doorknob again.

"What?"

"Shouldn't we wait for Dawn to open the door for us? You know for when she feels ready?"

"Of course not, if we let her decide when she wants to talk to us she'll just sit in her room and sulk all night."

"Oh so she doesn't get to decide when she wants to deal with her feelings because you've already decided she has to deal with them now."

 _This is so not about us._

"Faith, can we just deal with Dawn and leave our crap for later?"

"This ain't about us B, this is about Dawn."

All of the sudden her door flies open and Dawn's standing there, upset.

"STOP IT! Stop fighting... please just STOP IT!"

She turns away, hands on her face but not before I catch the tears in her eyes.

 _This is really hurting her._

"I just... I can't take anymore fighting..."

"Dawn, honey we're sorry..."

"Yeah we really are..."

"Oh like you were SORRY about hitting me in the face?"

"I'm REALLY, REALLY sorry about that..."

I hold up the ice pack for her.

"See? I even got you an ice pack to keep the swelling down."

She comes over and snatches it out of my hand before turning away and putting it on her cheek.

"Gee, THANKS!"

I look to Faith for help and surprisingly, even with everything that's going on, she gives it.

"Dawn, we really didn't mean to..."

Her audible whisper interrupts.

"What's wrong with me?"

 _What?_

"There's nothing wrong with you Dawnie."

"Then why do you keep fighting about me? What is it about me that you hate so much?"

I look over at Faith and I can tell she feels just as bad for what we've done to Dawn as I do.

"Dawn, we don't hate you, or anything about you..."

Faith glances over at me before continuing.

"We love you, very much."

"Yes, very much..."

"Then why do you guys keep fighting about me?"

I take a deep breath before stepping in.

"Dawn, sometimes couples fight about stuff. Faith and I in particular tend to fight a lot. But it's not your fault. Faith and I fighting is no more your fault then it was when Mom and Dad used to fight... remember?"

She turns around and seems a little calmer.

"Yeah..."

I close the small gap between us and take her in my arms.

"Oh Dawnie we're so sorry."

She wraps her arms around me tight and I swear I feel it.

 _I almost feel like a mother holding her daughter._

I look over at Faith standing a few feet away and I tilt my head a bit, encouraging her to join us.

"So there's nothing wrong with me?"

After a few moments of hesitation, Faith comes over and puts her arms around Dawn and me.

"Of course not kid. You're just fine the way you are."

We just stand there together in silence, comfortable silence, just the three of us. Dawn's head against my chest, Faith's powerful arms around us both, making all of us feel safe. A powerful feeling comes over us.

 _I can't lose this, any of this. Right here, right now, this means everything to me. I have to protect this. I have to protect Dawn from whatever's coming. No matter what I have to do. Faith and Dawn are my world, and I can't lose them for any reason. I have to tell Faith the truth about our daughter._

 _I'll get together with her and Giles tomorrow, and I'll tell her everything. Our sweet beautiful Dawn... our daughter._

 **Glory's POV**

 _That damn slayer's got my key. She's got my key stashed away somewhere and I want it back. I'm never gonna get it back though if these monkey rejects don't finish the job they were supposed to have done 20 minutes ago. They've kept me waiting here for that STUPID urn to start the spell. Just because I'm gonna live forever, does NOT mean you can keep me waiting forever. I swear, if they don't come in with that urn before the next time I blink, someone's gonna lose something._

I throw my perfect arms up.

"THAT'S IT! Someone's losing an appendage!"

 _I've spent too long among these crap-filled quadrupeds. I had to kill all those stupid wolves because they wouldn't stop barking at me. Then the monkeys started screeching and I had to get my hands dirty to squeeze all their little necks. Damn things actually tried to attack me when I broke the glass on their little 'habitat of crap' thing._

 _After that 3 minute kill-a-thon I decided to go down the hall there and kill the lion because... well just because actually. I needed something to do for about 5 minutes and I figured that was gonna be the best way to get it. I was right too. I love it when I'm right, which is actually all the time now that I think about it._

 _So after all that I've still been standing here for the last 10 minutes waiting for the stupid urn that goes with my blood stone and amulet combo._

I hear them coming down the hall and they walk in with the urn.

 _FINALLY!_

"What the hell took you puss buckets so long?"

"We apologize for the delay most magnificent one, but we had to be sure that the urn did not break for your spell, it is of the utmost importance that we..."

"Yeah, yeah... is the spell ready yet?"

"Not just yet your incredibly effervescent one. We must first..."

"Ugh!"

I hold out the objects I bought from that pathetic magic shop.

"Get it done already would ya?"

"Of course, of course your beautiful godliness, it shall be done with great haste."

Dregg, at least I think his name is Dregg, takes the things from me and the 5 of them get to work. About 30 seconds later I get bored and remember what I forgot to do.

"YOU!"

All five of them turn around and the one I'm pointing at puts his hands in front of his face in fear.

"Y-yes your gracefulness?"

I curl my index finger at him a couple times, beckoning him forward.

"Come here sweetie."

He inches this way and nearly craps his pants when I throw my arm over his shoulders.

"What was your name again?"

"Scrap your loveliness."

"Right, right, Scrap... who the hell gave you such a stupid name as Scrap?"

"If I recall correctly most beautiful Glorificus, it was you who gave me my great and easy to remember name."

I take my arm off his shoulders and face him.

"Whoever gave you the name isn't important. What's important is that you do me a favor."

"How may I serve you your greatness?"

"Would you mind, holding out your arm for me?"

He looks at me terrified as he slowly holds his fleshy little arm out.

"Thank you."

I put one hand on his shoulder and grab his wrist with my other. Before he can protest I rip his arm clear off his body. He grabs his former shoulder with the hand he still has and screeches at the top of his lungs as he falls to his knees.

 _I hate stupid screeching animals._

I grab the wrist with both hands and use the arm to smack him upside the head, knocking him unconscious so he stops screeching.

"That's better."

I look up at the 4 remaining pieces of crap I have working for me.

"The spell isn't gonna cast itself people."

They scramble like frightened rats to finish preparing. Just for good measure I give Scrap a few more whacks in the head.

"We are prepared Glorificus."

"FINALLY!"

I walk over to the urn and one of my minions hands me the blood stone while another puts the Kohl's amulet in the urn. I hear hissing.

"The thing is in there isn't it?"

"Yes Glory, the cobra is inside the urn."

"Good."

I hold the blood stone over the urn.

"Sobek, grant the power... that it may mold this wretched creature. That it may be reborn, that it may serve. Arise to do my bidding."

The urn starts to shake but nothing else.

"Arise?"

It starts shaking more.

"Arise!"

More of just the shaking...

"ARISE!"

The urn breaks apart and a giant cobra grows out of it.

"Thank GOD! That took forever."

It turns to me.

"Spawn of Sobek find what it is I seek. Find for me the slayer and bring her to me. She knows where my key is and she IS going to tell me. GO!"

It turns to leave.

"Oh and one more thing..."

It turns back.

"If you happen upon the key in your travels, feel free to kill the slayer and just bring me the key okay?"

It roars and leaves.

"Okie doke, let's go home. I think I need a shower."

 **End of Chapter 36**

 **Author's Note:** No actual animals were harmed in the writing of this chapter.


	37. Chance

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 37**

Chance

 **Willow's POV**

"I don't care. I'm sorry I don't."

I hang the phone up on Giles.

 _I don't care. I don't care if some horrible demon thing is gonna slaughter half of Sunnydale. I don't even care if it's the end of the world. I just don't. Tara's gone and I just don't think I have reason enough to see tomorrow. Whatever that demon chick is up to doesn't mean a thing to me because she's gone. If they get hurt, or killed then I'd feel bad, I'd cry and all that but I'd go on. I'd learn to live with it and go on, but why?_

 _She left me and it's all Buffy's fault. It's always Buffy's fault. She's the reason Xander never loved me. Something might have happened between me and Xander if Buffy hadn't come along, but she did, so nothing did._

 _She's the reason Oz decided to leave me. If Oz hadn't spent time around Buffy and learned to be all noble and all that crap, he might never have left me 'for my own good'._

 _And now she's the reason Tara's out of my life. All I've ever tried to do is what's best for my friends and it never works out for me. It always works out for Buffy though. No matter what happens, things work out._

 _She died and things still worked, they're back together, but not for me. Things never work out for me. No matter how hard I work at it, or how much I love someone they always end up leaving me. And after this time, I've just stopped caring. Giles can talk all he wants about doing what's right just because it's right but that only works if you have a reason to do it, and I don't. I know I should care, I know I should wanna help people in trouble, but I just don't. I'm sorry I don't._

 **Faith's POV**

 _Okay, now I'm confused... again. Things were so out of control last night I honestly don't know how it ended the way it did. We just stood there for like... I don't even know how long it was. I didn't really care how long we stood there, and I still don't care. All I know for sure is that it was the most incredible thing I've ever felt, and all we did is stand there together, locked in each other's arms for however long it was and it was the greatest moment of my ENTIRE life._

 _More incredible than anything I've ever done with B alone, but what I don't know is why. What is it about being there with Dawn and Buffy last night that made me feel like that?_

I look over at B as we walk toward that magic shop place Giles wants us to meet him at.

 _Does it have something to do with whatever B found out about Dawn? Why wouldn't she tell me something that important? Is she worried I'm somehow gonna fuck that up? I thought we were past that kinda stuff. I guess maybe she doesn't think so._

 _That was one hell of an incredible feeling, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna let this go. I don't wanna lose that, whatever that feeling_ _ _was_ there, but I can't be in a relationship with her if she can't trust me enough to tell me things, especially important things._

 _There isn't anything I wouldn't tell her, no secret too painful that I wouldn't let her in on it. But I guess she doesn't feel the same way, and that bugs me more than anything else. I love her more than anything, but I can't live like this. If she can't be completely honest with me, then I'll have to find someone who can. Not that I want to, but if Buffy can't love me enough to trust me then what do we really have?_

"What is it?"

"Hmm?"

B looks at me.

"You look like you've got something on your mind."

"It's nothing."

"Faith, you can tell me, you know that right?"

 _No actually I don't._

"It's nothing... really."

She puts her hand on my shoulder so I turn to face her and we stop about 50 feet from our goal. I look down at B's hand, not angry or anything but I just look at it and she pulls away.

"Faith, I know I haven't given you much reason to trust me. I've done a lot of horrible things to you, none of which you've deserved, but I promise you that's all gonna change."

"And how's that?"

"Because..."

She closes the gap between us and looks me straight in the eyes.

"I'm gonna tell you everything, absolutely everything you want to know."

 _Sure whatever._

"Mmm-hmm..."

I roll my eyes at her and she puts her hands on my head to force our eyes to meet.

"Tonight, you, me and Giles are gonna sit down and I'll tell you everything."

 _Giles? What does he have to do with anything?_

I let out a deep sigh.

"I know you felt what I did last night, when the three of us were standing there. That feeling of pure joy and safety greater than anything either of us has ever known. But you have no idea why. You will though, I promise, and I hope that once you know, it will bring us closer than we've ever been."

Her hands move to my shoulders.

"I'm not saying it'll happen overnight, or that it's as easy as flipping on a switch. But what I want is for us to be together, in every sense of the word. And in order for us to do that, I have to be completely honest with you. Which I haven't been, until tonight."

I look in her eyes and I see something I haven't seen since she's been back, love.

"But why? What's different about now?"

"Because of last night. Because of last night I realized I can't be Buffy the fabulous super bitch anymore. Just because I think I'm right doesn't mean I actually am. I know that now. But I need you to know that I believe it too. So tonight, I want to tell you everything I should've told you right from the moment I knew it myself. Will you be there... please?"

 _I think... I think she actually means it._

I take a long, deep breath.

"Okay, but..."

"But if I don't you'll leave and never speak to me again... and I wouldn't blame you. Just please wait until we talk and then decide if you want to go. If you still want to leave me, then I'll let you. By that I mean I won't get in your way, I won't beg you to stay or stop you from leaving. I'll even leave the house for a few days to make sure you're not distracted. All I ask is that you let me try to make it right tonight, that's all."

 _She really means it. At least I think she really means it this time. Maybe it's not too late for us. Maybe we still have a shot at being together in every sense of the word like she said._

"As long as you keep your word about tonight, then I won't make any travel plans until tomorrow."

That look of gratefulness just boils over and she wraps her arms around me and squeezes.

"Thank you Faith, thank you SO much. You won't regret this. I promise you won't. I'll keep my promise... I know I will."

She pulls back quickly and kisses me briefly.

"It means everything to me that you would give me this chance, after what I've done to you."

"I love you B."

"I know, I..."

Her eyes leave mine at her next words.

"I feel the same way."

I step back out of her reach.

"And yet you can't even look at me when you say that."

"This... Faith this isn't easy for me. I've been through a lot recently and I'm just now coming out of it all. I wanna say so much more than I just did. I wanna say the words I know you want to hear and mean them but I just... can't. And I didn't just promise what I promised to make you stay with me. I just... need you to wait until tonight before you make travel plans."

 _God do I not need this?_

"I already said I'd be there, okay? Can we just focus on the multiple homicide and talk about our own stuff when we actually have time?"

"Okay..."

 _Thank god._

"Okay sure, we should do that."

She gets this little pained smile on her face before turning to the magic shop place.

 _Maybe there is still a chance for us, maybe not. Maybe we can still work things out, then again maybe we can't. I guess I'll just have to wait until tonight to find out whether we still have a shot. I mean it sounds like something really big, like something I should've been in on from the beginning. Can I really learn to be okay with her not telling me something that important? I guess it depends on what the secret is._

We go inside and the gang's already here, well most of them anyway. Willow and Tara aren't here for obvious reasons but Giles, Xander and Anya are here. Giles is looking through some book behind the counter which I'm guessing is the inventory list, while Xander and Anya are looking through the shelves.

"What's the what?"

"Hello Buffy, hello Faith, how are you both?"

I look down at the dead bodies on the floor and then at B.

"Things have been better. So any thoughts on who had the bite-fest?"

Xander looks up from his shelf.

"No one."

"There were no teeth marks on the victims. But there was something interesting about them."

 _Interesting?_

I go over and check out the guy in the middle of the room while B checks out the girl next to him.

"Whoever did this had some serious juice."

"Why would you say that B?"

I feel the guy's neck and know exactly why she said that. The guy's neck is completely snapped.

"Because their necks are completely twisted around."

B stands up and runs her hands through her hair, kinda nervous looking.

"What is it B?"

"It was her."

I stand up confused, again.

"Her? Her who B?"

She starts walking into the store a bit like her mind is going a mile a minute. Giles and Xander both stop what they're doing and look at Buffy, while Anya keeps working away.

"Who do you think? It's gotta be that demon chick who did a number on me."

"You can't know that Buff."

"Whoever did this, had fun. And whatever ran its fist into my face had a lot of fun doing it."

"While I admit those are plausible conclusions, such evidence is merely circumstantial. There are any number of demons which could've done such horrific things, there's no reason to think..."

"We have to find out what she was doing here."

 _Freak much?_

"Whoa, okay chill B. Let's take a minute and just..."

"I don't have time to calm down Faith. We have to find out what she's up to before something bad happens to... to..."

"Dawn?"

"Yeah..."

 _No more Buffy the fabulous super bitch my ass. What the hell is it with Dawn that's got her so freaked?_

"Then you're not gonna like this."

We all look at Anya, who had managed to get all the way across the room and looking through the inventory records without us noticing. Buffy all but jumps at Anya to hear what she has to say.

"What is it?"

"She stole a Sobekian bloodstone and Kohl's amulet."

 _I don't even know what that means but I know it can't be good._

"What does that mean?"

"It means trouble with a capital S."

 _What?_

Anya just stops talking and we all fall into silence waiting for the rest of the story. Xander finally breaks the awkwardness.

"An, honey we need more info."

Anya looks at Xander before pointing at Giles.

"Isn't that his job? He's the retired librarian, aren't librarians supposed to know everything about everything ever written down?"

"Yes Anya however you were the one who brought it up and thus you should be the one to furnish us with the details."

Anya just rolls her eyes and lets out a deep sigh.

"FINE! The Sobekites were reptile worshipers, snake worshipers specifically. Their high priest Kohl forged an amulet with a transmogrifying crystal which is basically used to turn a living thing into a different kind of thing. This pretty much means the only reason you'd want one of these amulets is to make a monster."

"What kind of monster?"

All of the sudden the front window smashes to pieces as a giant demon snake comes through it.

"I'm guessing that kind?"

The thing looks at all of us and then goes directly for B. So I do the only thing I can do, I put myself between it and her.

 _Buffy can handle herself, I know that, but this thing went straight for her and whatever it wants, it ain't getting._

It snarls at me as it towers at least three feet up. It attacks us with its long clawed hand and we just barely jump back out of the way.

 _Ow, damn it!_

I look down and there's a piece of my shirt ripped.

 _Thank god that's all he got his claws into._

"Faith what are you doing?"

"Protecting you?"

"I don't need protecting."

I sorta half turn to her.

"I know that B, but..."

The thing takes a bite of my shoulder.

 _GOD DAMN IT I..._

Seconds later it spins around and hits me right in the back with its tail, sending me flying into the shelves.

 _FUCK!_

I grab my shoulder as a few books fall on me and feel two holes in me, one in my shoulder, the other a little bit lower on my arm. I get to my knees despite the holes in me.

"FAITH!"

I see B panicking, wondering how much damage it did. It takes her mind off the big snake for a split second and it strikes, takes a bite out of her shoulder too and she screams.

"Buffy..."

I try to get up but things get kinda dim. The thing's tail wraps itself around B and squeezes her tight, so much she screams again.

 _We slayers can take a lot of pain, but this thing... damn..._

I crawl a bit but it only makes things worse.

 _Can't..._

Xander tries distracting it while Giles tries to get to B.

 _Can't let it..._

They're both sent flying.

 _Take..._

It makes off with her.

"Buffy..."

Everything goes black.

 **End of Chapter 37**


	38. Faith in Love

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 38**

Faith in Love

 **Dawn's POV**

"I don't know Dawn. It might work, but only if they are both willing."

"They're willing. Of course they're both willing. Why wouldn't they be? They love each other a lot."

"Yes they do Dawn, but sometimes things get in the way. Sometimes people who love each other still can't make it work. Your father and I loved each other very much, but other things got in the way."

"But, I mean... it doesn't have to be that way for them. They can still work things out and be okay... right?"

"Maybe they can Dawn, but then again maybe they can't. There's just no way to be sure."

"So you won't help me?"

"Of course I'll help you honey. I want to see things work out for them just as much as you."

I give her a hug.

"Thanks Mom."

She smiles at me and pushes the hair in my face back behind my ear.

"Of course honey, I just wanted you to be prepared in case things don't work out."

"I will. I know things could go bad but I don't think they will. They love each other a lot and that's why things will work out."

The phone rings and Mom gets up to get it.

 _I know they've got a lot of problems, but at least some of those problems are my fault. I know they said it wasn't my fault but they keep yelling at each other about me, so it's gotta be at least a little bit my fault. Maybe if I can show them I don't want them to fight about me because all I really want is for them to be okay and happy, it might give them reason enough to get better._

 _I want us to be one big happy family, all four of us. I just know if my plan works, that will happen._

Mom picks up the phone.

"Hello? Rupert?"

 _Giles?_

"Rupert what's wrong?"

 **Buffy's POV**

 _She... she will come for me._

I fall face first to the floor as the snake uncoils itself from me.

 _She... has to come for me._

I manage to pull my arms from my sides, my elbows throbbing in pain from where the snake's tail was coiled around me. I try to push myself up to my hands and knees but a few inches off the floor my head starts spinning and my arms give way from the pain.

 _She's... she's gonna save me, I know she will._

"Ooh goodie! It's not even Christmas and you brought me a present."

 _That, voice... I know that voice._

I try to lift my head to see if it's really her but I can't. I don't have to wait long for confirmation though, because she walks over here and kneels down. She grabs me by the hair and pulls me up so our eyes meet.

 _It's her. That demon lady I saved the monk from._

She drops my head and it bounces off the carpet.

 _She... she has to come for me._

I try and get up again but a heeled shoe drives itself into my back, forcing me to stay down.

"And you got me just what I wanted. Thank you snakey-wakey. Now go, keep watch. I'm sure some sack of crap will be coming for this one sooner or later."

I hear the snake leave as the hissing gets quieter until it disappears. The heel between my shoulders is lifted.

"I always wanted a pet..."

She kicks me in the ribs where the snake had its tail.

"I guess now I have two."

She comes over and kneels. She grabs my hair again and our eyes meet.

"Now I can make it quick, or I can make it less quick."

 _She... will come for me._

"All I want is my key. Now I know monkey boy told you about it. So either you have it or you know where to find it. So just give me the key and I'll try really hard not to torture you too much."

I spit right in her face and she drops my head back to the floor.

"Ugh you sick, stupid BITCH!"

The point of her shoe hits me right in the ribs as she kicks me across the room. I slam against the wall before bouncing off the floor.

"Minions?"

I think about three or four people come into the room.

"Yes Glory?"

 _Glory?_

"I want this slayer bitch strung up by her dainty little arms. I want her chained to the ceiling while I torture her."

"Yes your greatness."

Two of them grab me by the arms and drag me over to the middle of the room while the other two prepare the chains hanging from the ceiling. I start struggling against my captors' grip but a strong punch to my jaw stops me long enough for her lackeys to tie my hands up with the chains.

 _I know we haven't been in the greatest of place lately but it's not like she wants me dead... right? I mean... she did try to protect me from the demon snake. That's gotta mean something._

Once her flunkies are sure I'm tied tight enough at my wrists they tie another chain around my ankles to make sure I can't use my feet. I struggle against my bonds but there's too much pain pulsing through my upper body for me to make an escape.

 _I'll bet there's gonna be a lot more pain to come if I don't get out of here._

"Are you going to tell me where my key is?"

I look right at her.

"No..."

A swift jab to my gut and I'm coughing up a lung.

"Are you gonna tell me now?"

"No..."

She backhands me to the face and I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming.

 _I think she broke the skin near my cheekbone because I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding._

"How about now?"

 _She will come for me._

"Screw you."

"Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Go get me a knife."

"Yes Glory."

One of her minions leaves as she walks up to me and smiles.

"You know, you really should have someone take a look at this."

She puts her hand on the shoulder where the snake bit me, her thumb resting gently on the wound.

"You never know what could happen to it."

She applies pressure to it.

 _I'm sorry Faith. I'm sorry for all the horrible things I did to hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you... I love you._

I scream.

 **End of Chapter 38**


	39. Love in Faith

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 39**

Love in Faith

 **Faith's POV**

 _Buffy..._

The sound of a heart rate monitor beeping away wakes me up. I groan and stir as I open my eyes.

 _I'm in a hospital room, lying in the bed. Someone's with me._

"Faith?"

"Buffy?"

"No, Faith... it's me, Joyce."

I look over at her sitting next to the bed and my shoulder feels like someone's sticking needles in it. I grab my left shoulder with my right hand and feel the bandages on it. I immediately look down at the bandaged shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

The wounds sting a little as I touch them through the red spotted bandages.

"I'm alive, apparently."

 _I have to see her._

"Where's Buffy?"

She doesn't answer until I look at her.

"Faith, you have to stay calm."

 _People only say that when there's something to get upset about._

"Where is she?"

"Faith if you don't calm down you might hurt yourself."

I clutch my shoulder to brace myself for the pain of sitting up. My head spins a bit as I do and it makes it hard to think.

"What happened?"

 _Didn't Buffy make it?_

"She... she escaped right? Buffy's strong she... she escaped... right?"

She stands up and puts her hand out to me.

"Faith, I'll tell you, I just need you to calm, down. I couldn't handle losing both of you..."

 _Losing?_

"Both... oh my, god..."

The spinning gets worse and I fall back on the bed.

"She... she's... is she...?"

"No... I don't know... I don't think she is but... Rupert told me she was, taken by the snake demon so, we can't know for sure."

I force myself to sit up again to get out of bed.

"I... have to find her I..."

"Faith for god sake please..."

She stands up to block my path as I try to get out of bed.

"Lie back on the bed. If you don't rest, you are going to do serious damage to yourself. You could die."

 _What?_

"Are you really going to risk your life AND Buffy's on the slim chance that you might save her in your condition?"

 _She would do it for me. Hell she DID do it for me._

I look Joyce right in the eyes.

"Yes..."

"FAITH YOU GET BACK IN THAT BED AND LIE DOWN!"

I sit down on the bed and lie back, reducing the throbbing pain in my upper body.

"Giles had Xander go with Anya to speak with some of her old demon friends in case they know anything about this woman Buffy fought."

"So it WAS her then?"

Joyce takes a deep breath.

"I think it's more than likely. Though I don't understand what she would want Buffy for."

 _Dawn?_

"You're both slayers, if she were up to something, wouldn't it make more sense for her to want you out of her way? Not that I like that option anymore than this one but, I just don't understand what this woman wants."

 _I've gotta tell her._

"Dawn..."

"She's out in the lobby with Rupert. You don't have to worry about her."

"No I mean, whatever it is this woman wants... it has something to do with Dawn."

"What? How?"

"I don't know, I... Buffy never told me how."

"Then what makes you think this somehow involves Dawn?"

"The night Buffy came back from patrol all beat up. The night she met this demon woman, her first words out of her mouth were 'Where's Dawn?'."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but ever since then she's been a little crazy about Dawn. It doesn't make any sense to me, but I think Dawn and this demon woman are somehow connected."

Joyce stands up, and paces a bit.

"But... she's my little girl. How could she have anything to do with anything demonic? She's not a slayer or anything, she's my daughter."

"I know, but I promise no matter what it is I won't let anything happen to Dawn."

"I know you won't, thank you. Well, at least we know one good thing then."

 _We do?_

"What's that?"

"Well Buffy would never do anything to hurt Dawn either, so whatever this woman wants she won't get it. And that means that if Buffy can stay alive long enough for you to save her, then we'll get her back."

 _I guess._

"So is that why things between the two of you have been so stressed?"

"Yeah... Buffy wouldn't tell me what it was about Dawn that this demon wants so badly. And I can't protect Dawn properly if I don't know the whole story. Buffy promised to tell me everything tonight, but I guess that's not going to happen."

 _Geez what did I say that for?_

"Faith..."

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean it that way I just... I've got to save her. Whatever else is going on between us, I don't want her dead. We can settle our problems when I know she's safe. Things might work out, they might not but if she's not here then we'll never know for sure. I need to save her to know for sure."

"Are things really that bad between you two?"

I can't help but take a deep breath before answering.

"They really are. You know, for the longest time I believed that we were meant to be. That no matter what happened as long as we had each other everything would work out in the end. Now I'm not so sure. That's why I have to find her and bring her home, if for no other reason then to say goodbye without any guilt. I have to find her."

Joyce takes my hand in hers.

"And you will. You'll bring her home to us and then you'll say all the things you never got to say, you both will. If you're really lucky... maybe things will work out."

 _Yeah well..._

"I'm not gonna hold my breath."

"Well we'll just have to worry about the future when it happens. We have more important things to worry about, like finding Buffy. I'll go get Rupert and he can give us an update on any news."

I go to get up.

"He can do that on the way, let's go."

"No, Faith you're not going anywhere."

"Why not?"

"Faith that demon snake that bit you was a cobra. It had poison in its bite. The doctors gave you some anti-venom and Rupert says that your accelerated healing will work in your favor, but if you stress yourself out you'll make things worse. So for god sake please just stay where you are. At least until the venom is completely out of your system. It should only take a couple of hours."

 _There's no telling what could happen to B in a couple of hours._

"All right."

Joyce turns and goes out of the room. I look at the window.

 _I could break it and escape if I wanted to, but Joyce is right. Risking my own life on the slim chance that I might save hers is a bad way to go. For all I know I could die before ever making it anywhere close to finding Buffy. I guess I gotta stay put to stay alive, but the second the doc gives the okay I'm outta here like Angel outta hell._

Joyce comes back in with Giles and Dawn. Giles stands at about my knees on the bed while Joyce and Dawn come right up in my face, mostly Dawn. She throws her arms around me and I cringe as her hand grabs the shoulder with the hole in it.

"Are you okay?"

I try not to sound hurt.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Dawn pulls back quickly.

"Oh... oh gosh did I hurt you?"

"No a giant snake with teeth like steel hurt me. That was a flashback."

"I'm sorry."

I use my good arm to pretend punch her in the jaw.

"It's cool. I'm a slayer, remember kid?"

She half smiles a guilty smile.

"So you are otherwise all right?"

I pat down my major body parts as if I'm checking.

"Looks that way, I'm kinda anxious to get out of here and start looking for B but otherwise I'm fine."

"Faith..."

"I know, I know, I gotta stay here if I wanna stay alive, doesn't mean I'm happy about it. So any word on B?"

Someone in a doctor's coat comes in before Giles can speak.

"Hey there, how are we all doing?"

"Faith this is Ben, he's in charge of making sure you don't die."

"Dawn!"

"Sorry..."

The doc smiles at me.

"I wanna get outta here Doc."

"Women are always trying to get away from me, which is weird because I became a doctor to meet women."

 _Is this guy for real?_

He comes around the bed and starts to check my shoulder.

"Let's see how we're healing."

 **End of Chapter 39**


	40. Closer

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 40**

Closer

 **Buffy's POV**

 _Faith..._

I slip back into consciousness and for one whole moment I forget where I am. But it all comes barreling back to me when I try and move and I can't. The chains are just as tight around my wrists and ankles as they were before, digging into my skin. My own blood is drying on my face and naked body from when she cut my clothes off and 'forgot' to be careful.

I groan as I start to feel the bruises again from when she used me as her human punching bag.

 _I'm bleeding on the outside, could be bleeding on the inside but I'm hurting too much to tell. I don't know how long I've been here, but it feels like a while._

I open my eyes slowly to see if I'm alone. I don't hear anyone so maybe I can make some kind of escape. My vision is kinda blurry but I don't think anyone's around.

 _I'd barely make it two feet with the way I feel, and there's a giant snake somewhere that could catch me in a second even if by some miracle I get out of this room but I have to at least try._

I start to move my wrists in the chains, trying not to make much noise because the second anyone hears me I'm not going anywhere fast. My right hand starts to come free and I feel a fingernail trace itself along one of the only semi-closed knife cuts on my back. I tense up instantly.

"So how ya healing there sweetie?"

She comes around from behind me.

"Peachy..."

"Good, can I get ya anything? Water? Something to eat maybe? A nice warm bath maybe?"

I start to move my right hand a bit more.

"No... I think... I'm good..."

I get my hand out to just below my wrist.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay then..."

She grabs me by the hair and pulls my head straight back.

 _Fuck! If she pulled any harder she could've taken my hair, and maybe some scalp, with her._

She uses her free hand to tighten the chains on my wrists.

"Where's my key?"

I try to pull my head back up to look her in the eyes.

"Fuck you."

For a second she gets this wicked grin on her face before wrapping her arms around my ribs and squeezing me in a bear hug. She puts her head against my chest.

"Not tonight honey I'm too tired, maybe tomorrow."

It starts to get hard to breath and she sighs real deep.

"If I listen real hard I can hear that cute little heart of yours ticking away."

She releases her grip and brings a hand up to caress my bloody cheek.

"I can make it stop you know..."

She traces a finger over the shallow cuts on my breasts.

"I can make it all stop. The torture, the pain, I can make it all stop."

She leans up close and whispers in my ear.

"All you have to do is give me my key."

She pulls back and looks me in the eyes.

 _Just for a second, I want to. I wanna tell her that Dawn's the key and she can have her if she would make the pain stop._

"Never..."

 _Just for a second..._

She backs up, but not before a swift punch to the hole in my shoulder.

"What the hell is it with you damn humans being so god damn stubborn? It doesn't even belong to you. You stole it and I want it back!"

She punches me with every gimme.

"Now gimme! GIMME! GIMME!"

 _God... Faith where are you?_

 **Faith's POV**

 _She's close... I can barely feel her but she's there. That feeling I get when she's around, it's faint which can only be a bad thing, but at least I know she's around. Xander and Anya managed to rustle up that whatever it is set up shop in the rich part of town, and there isn't that much in the way of rich people here._

 _And it turns out if you threaten to kick the crap out of rich people, they'll point you in the direction of where they saw a giant snake go. I'm headed in the right direction, I know that much, but that connection B and I have isn't getting stronger. It's not getting weaker either, which can only mean that even though I'm getting closer she's getting weaker so it balances out._

 _I have to find her soon. It might not be long before... oh shit._

I jump behind a couple of bushes to avoid it, kinda landing on my bad shoulder. I bite my bottom lip to keep from yelling.

 _I don't want that thing to hear me. I don't think it saw me but still, it came outta nowhere. Normally I'd just take it straight on but the last time I did that I got a hole in my shoulder and nearly died, not to mention B was taken hostage._

I look up over the bushes at the snake on some kind of patrol.

 _This must be the place. I gotta surprise it somehow._

I hear B scream from the house it's guarding.

 _Hang on B, I'm coming._

 **End of Chapter 40**


	41. Frustration

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 41**

Frustration

 **Glory's POV**

 _What the hell is wrong with these god damn humans? I've been torturing this god damn sack of crap forever, well several hours anyway, and still I've gotten nothing out of her. God damn humans are so god damn annoying. Why can't I just get what I want? All this stupid little slayer bitch has to do is give me the key. But no, she has to try and be all pathetically superhero-y and try to live long enough for another sack of crap to come rescue this one._

 _I really hate humans. Why can't they ever do anything the easy way? It would be so easy for them. All they have to do is give me my perfect little key and then I wouldn't have to lower myself to torturing this slayer. Most humans would've given up by now, but what I don't know is why. Why would the slayer protect the key this badly... unless she cared for it?_

 _Humans are always doing that I'm told, protecting things that matter to them. But what could my key have been pressed into that could make her want to protect it so much? Some sort of mongrel maybe? Humans love to keep mangy little things as pets. No, I think she would've given up by now if it was just a stupid pet. I've done pretty much every non-lethal torture to this girl here, aside from letting my minions have their way with her, whatever the monks put my key into it must be pretty damn important to her._

 _What if... what if they gave my key its own little flesh and bone wrapper? Humans will tend to protect each other if they spend enough time together. Those damn monks, they're smart for humans._

I walk over to my happy little hostage and kick her in the shin to get its attention.

"Hey, slayer..."

All of the sudden I start to hear fighting somewhere in my house.

 _What the hell? How exactly did someone get past my snakey-wakey?_

There are all sorts of crashing and screaming noises from my minions and it keeps getting louder.

 _Useless, every last one of them is completely useless._

I can hear them right outside.

"P-please... don't hurt me..."

"WHERE IS SHE?"

I hear a crash and I just know the moron told him. I grab my captive by the hair and look right in her eyes.

"What is it?"

A smile creeps out from under the pain.

"Faith..."

 _What? Faith?_

Next thing I know there's some brunette chick standing in the doorway.

"Let her go."

 _She doesn't actually think she's gonna give me orders does she?_

"And if I don't?"

"Then I'm gonna kill you and take her anyway."

 _Wow, such a big threat from a tiny human. It's almost like she thinks she's a slayer._

I let go of my hostage's hair and cross my arms over my rather impressive chest to face the invader of my home.

"Really? So if I give you the girl then you won't kill me?"

"Actually I'm probably gonna kill you either way so you might as well just give up."

 _Oh how fun, maybe I should torture this one too, just for the hell of it._

My slayer hostage chuckles and I elbow her in the side to shut her up. Before my would-be next victim can blink I'm inches from her but to my surprise she dodges my punch and fires back with one of her own to my face.

"Wow that actually almost hurt."

"Yeah? How about this one?"

She hits me again and for the second time it starts to bother me. I fire back with a few punches of my own, both of which connect but she only stumbles a bit.

 _What the hell is this human?_

I go for her head with a little more power and she deflects it.

"What are you hopped up on? Mystical LSD or something?"

"I'm a slayer, we live to fight."

 _A slayer?_

"But isn't there..."

I don't finish on account of all the sudden I'm flying across the room and through the wall to the ground outside.

 _Damn, that actually kinda hurt._

I lift myself up to a sitting position.

 _Never fought a slayer that strong before, then again I only ever fought one before her and her... I don't have time for you right now, go away. No, if I don't get back up there that slayer thing is gonna steal my new toy and then I'll never..._

 **Ben's POV**

 _God my back hurts._

 **Faith's POV**

It takes me a second to get over the shock of putting the demon woman through her own wall.

 _Whoa, how did I do that? I mean I know I've got a lot of power, but I haven't used that much since the fight with Omega. I wasn't even sure I had it anymore._

I clench and unclench my fists to work through the pain.

 _Course I don't really remember any pain after that fight, not physical pain anyway. Then again I wasn't exactly thinking clearly after..._

I hear chains rattle with a slight groan.

 _Buffy..._

I rush to her side and gently unwrap the chains from around her wrists, lowering her to the floor as I do. I kneel down and lay her head across my lap.

"Buffy?"

She smiles up at me, her eyes barely opening.

"Faith... I knew you'd, you'd come..."

"Of course I came, B."

Her face suddenly becomes sad, like she's gonna cry.

"I'm sorry..."

 _She's sorry?_

"Sorry for what B?"

"I love you..."

 _She what?_

Seconds later she goes limp.

"B?"

She doesn't move.

"Buffy?"

 _Oh my god..._

I check her pulse, it's still there.

 _She's still breathing too, she must just be unconscious. She's sorry, she loves me? What the hell does that mean? What? Is she sorry she fell for me? I didn't realize we got a choice in that. Maybe she's sorry she didn't say it before. Then again maybe she thought it would be romantic because she was dying. I guess I'll find out when I get her to a hospital and she heals up._

 _I'll never get her to the hospital in our conditions. She may be small but in my not 100% condition I'll never get her the whole way without passing out and maybe dying myself._

I look around the room.

 _Is there a phone somewhere around here? I'm sure this demon chick won't mind me using her phone to save her hostage._

"What happened?"

I look behind me and he's standing a few feet away.

"Uh, it's Ben right? What are you doing here?"

"I uh, live in the neighborhood and heard a loud crash, thought someone might be hurt. Is she okay?"

 _Well if that isn't a lame excuse..._

"No, she's not. Help her, please?"

He comes over and starts tending to her.

"I think I saw a phone by the bed."

I get up and go over by the nightstand.

 _How the hell does he walk into a room and know exactly where everything is? I'll have to worry about that later._

I pick up the phone and dial 911.

 **End of Chapter 41**


	42. Truth

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 42**

Truth

 **Faith's POV**

Beep, beep, beep...

 _You know I'm beginning to hate that sound. Heart rate monitors are starting to become a little too common in my life. First there was the coma where I spent eight and a half months next to one, even if I didn't really know it._

 _Then after B was kinda beaten up by Adam... and now this little chapter in our overly dramatic lives. I know heart rate monitors are supposed to be a good thing, they tell people you're still alive, but I'd be eternally happy if I never heard one again._

 _At least B's alive though, I have that much to be thankful for._

I squeeze her hand gently and she stirs a bit.

 _She's been unconscious since I rescued her a few days ago. The doctors had to give her a few things to make sure she'd heal properly. I'm still surprised they bought that story Ben told them about a wild animal. Though I guess with a giant snake carcass out on the front lawn it was more believable._

 _They said when she did come out of it she'd probably be in and out of it, and really groggy. I just hope she comes out of it soon. Not just because I want her to get better, I mean, I do want her to get better but we also have to talk._

 _I need to know why this demon woman wants Dawn so much that she'd torture Buffy for it. To protect Dawn I need to know why she has to be protected. I'll protect Dawn till the end of the world if I have to but if I don't know why I'm doing it then I may say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing without even knowing it. I don't want to do that._

"F... Faith I'm... s-sorry..."

 _That's the other thing that we have to talk about. She keeps saying stuff like that in her sleep. What the hell is she trying to say? What is she sorry about? Is she sorry for me? Is she sorry for herself? Maybe she's sorry to Dawn for giving up the secret?_

 _Probably not, that demon woman didn't look like a satisfied customer, and it's like Joyce said, Buffy would never do that to Dawn, she's strong. She'd have to be to survive 3 broken ribs, an arm broken in two places and a near broken leg, not to mention the snake poison in her system. I don't know that I would've survived, then again I won't have to know because I don't have any info this thing wants._

I kiss B's knuckles.

 _She will come for me though, that much is obvious. After putting her though a wall, anyone with half a brain would assume I stand in her way, which is all the more reason I need to know the whole score. I just wish she'd wake up and see it._

"I... I love you..."

 _So you keep saying._

The door opens and I look back to see Dawn standing just inside the doorway. She smiles as I look her in the eyes.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course kid."

She starts dragging a second chair next to mine.

"Dawn..."

She stops.

"Sorry, it's just... these chairs are, heavy."

She picks up the chair and sets it next to mine.

"I didn't wake her up did I?"

"No, the doctors gave her some strong stuff to keep her asleep."

"I guess they don't want her running off and almost dying."

"Wow that was subtle. Really smooth Dawn."

"Thank you... but she's gonna be okay?"

"She'll be fine. The doctors say she'll be okay in a couple of weeks but I'm betting, and Giles agrees, that she'll be ready for release in a week or so. He says the bones won't completely heal for about two or three weeks after that, and the bruises will hurt for a bit but she'll live."

"And you guys are okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well... you're getting back together right?"

"Technically speaking we haven't broken up yet."

"So everything's fine."

"No it's not."

"You're not gonna break up with her right now are you?"

"Not right this second, no but..."

"Then everything's fine."

"No, it's not, Dawn, look... where'd your mom go?"

"She had to go home, she was feeling tired."

 _Go home?_

"Who's looking after you?"

"Xander and Anya are out in the waiting area, they promised to take me home when I needed to. And I guess... you and Buffy are taking care of me right now."

 _Oh..._

"You love her, don't you?"

"Of course I love her."

"And she loves you, doesn't she?"

"Maybe..."

"Maybe? What do you mean by maybe?"

"It's complicated Dawnie."

"Why?"

"There are things, in the way."

"What kinds of things?"

I look at her and she's looking back with pleading eyes.

"It's not important."

"Well if it's not important then why are they in the way?"

"They just are Dawn."

"Well if they're standing in the way then just push them out of the way."

"It's not that simple."

"Shouldn't it be?"

"Yes it should Dawn, but it's not."

"So what are the problems?"

"Honestly Dawn, I'm not entirely sure. That's one of the problems. Your sister just got tortured by some demon thing and I'm not completely sure why. That bothers me Dawn."

"It bothers me too. She's my sister, I don't want to see her like this either, but I don't hate her for it."

"I don't hate her Dawn, I love her."

Her hand covers mine and B's.

"Then give her another shot... please?"

I look down at Dawn's hand on mine and I feel it again.

 _That, for lack of a better word, connection that the three of us have just appears out of nowhere. It's not as strong as it was that night in Buffy's room, but it's there._

I look at Dawn and push a few strands of hair behind her ear.

"I will... I was already going to. Before all this happened I promised to give her one last chance to make things right, and she's gonna get that chance. Once she's completely healed, she'll have her chance. I can't guarantee she'll use it but the least I can do is offer one."

Next thing I know a set of arms are wrapped around my ribs and Dawn's hugging me like there's no tomorrow.

"Thank you... thank you Faith."

I put my not so beat up arm around her shoulders and kiss her forehead.

"I can't guarantee anything will..."

"It will, I know it will. Buffy loves you, she won't miss this shot you're giving her. I'll even talk to her if you want, make sure she knows this is her last and only shot. She'll listen to me."

"Does she ever listen to you?"

"Well no, not technically."

"Then I guess you and me got a lot more in common than we thought eh kid?"

I ruffle her hair and she reaches up and ruffles mine.

"I guess so."

"Faith?"

I look at B and she seems to be coming out of it.

"I'm here B."

She looks at me, then at Dawn and comes back to me. Her eyes well up with tears.

"I'm so sorry..."

"I told you."

"Dawn... can you just, give us some time alone?"

"But I thought..."

"Dawn, please..."

She looks at Buffy, and then at me.

"Okay... I'll go play cards with Xander."

She gets up and heads for the door. Once she's gone, I turn back to B.

"I'm sorry..."

I really only have one response to that.

"Sorry for what B?"

"For... everything I guess."

"Well that's decidedly vague."

"I'm sorry for... for not giving you a reason to trust me. I'm sorry for all the things I've done to ruin what should've been a perfect relationship, and I'm sorry for not telling you I love you because I do. I love you Faith, and nothing either of us could ever do would ever change my love for you. But most of all I'm sorry that what I've done is gonna make you leave me."

 _What?_

"B, I..."

"I broke my promise didn't I? I feel like I've been asleep for days."

"You were..."

"I told you I'd tell you the truth about everything that night and I didn't. You told me if I didn't keep my promise you'd leave, and I said I wouldn't stop you. I didn't keep my promise, and now of all times would be the best time to do so."

She looks away, as if she can't bear to look at me as sobs come out between words.

"I, I couldn't stop you... even if I wanted to. I'd... I'd never be able to, stop you with the way I am."

"Buffy..."

"Just go... you said you would if I didn't keep my promise, and I didn't... so..."

"B, shut up..."

She turns her head to me.

"What?"

"I'm not going anywhere, not yet."

"But..."

"I told you I'd give you a chance to make things better, and you'll get that chance, at one point or another."

"Why?"

I just look at her and she looks right back for a second before looking down at the end of the bed.

"I don't deserve one."

"Maybe not, but you're gonna get it. So I guess the question becomes, are you gonna use it?"

She reaches out to take my hand but I sit back out of reach.

"Faith..."

"Do you want me in your life enough to risk losing me by being honest?"

"She's not my sister."

 _What?_

"What are you talking about?"

She takes a deep breath.

"Dawn, she's not really my sister... she's more than that."

"Okay now you're not making any sense. Maybe you should wait until the drugs they gave you wear off."

"Faith you asked for the truth so I'm giving it to you, Dawn's... not my sister."

 _Why is every conversation B and I have so complicated?_

"So, was she adopted or something?"

"No... Faith, the monk I saved from that demon woman, he didn't just die like I said. He spoke to me about things, about Dawn."

"What kinds of things?"

"He said that, Dawn is the key."

"What? B, he was messing with you. Dawn's your sister, you know this, and you grew up with her."

"I, I don't think I did."

"What? But, you used to complain about her... all the time. I remember it."

"Well you shouldn't, because it didn't happen... apparently. The monk also told me that his brothers, they built our memories of her so that we would protect her."

 _This is nuts, this is completely crazy and I can't believe she would buy into this._

"So, some crazy dying monk tells you your sister isn't real... and you believe him?"

"Yes..."

 _This doesn't make any sense._

"When exactly did you go completely nuts B? Cause the doctors told us there wasn't any head trauma, but now I'm thinking maybe they should take a second look..."

"You felt it didn't you?"

"Felt what?"

"That... connection the three of us have. It was there just a minute ago when she was here, and that night when the three of us were together in Dawn's room. You told me you felt it."

"I, I did..."

"That's how I know Faith. That's how I know that what he said was true because, he told me one other thing."

"What?"

"She's ours Faith, mine and yours. The monk told me, that Dawn was born out of our love. He said... a piece of each of us was put into creating Dawn. She's our daughter Faith."

 _I don't know what to say. It sounds like she's gone completely nuts but, with magic and stuff it's hard not to at least consider it might be true. And it does explain why the three of us have that feeling that can only be explained as a connection._

"That's how I know what he said is true, because when the three of us are together I feel safe the way you should when... when you're with family."

 _Okay whoa..._

I stand up and back away a bit.

"All right I think we've gone a bit past insane here. I think the torture has gone to your head and you're not exactly thinking with it okay? Dawn is not... I mean I... we're not..."

 _This is just a little too much all at once._

"I have to go."

I turn around and start to leave.

"Faith, wait..."

I stop but don't turn around.

"I'm sorry for not telling you, and I won't blame you if you hate me for keeping something this important from you. But Dawn doesn't know, no matter how you feel about me, please don't tell her."

I leave the room, never looking back.

 **End of Chapter 42**


	43. Healing Wounds

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 43**

Healing wounds

 **Buffy's POV**

 _She's, she's gone... at least I think she is. I haven't seen her since she ran out of my hospital room a few weeks ago. Where could she have gone? I keep asking about her but no one is telling. For all I know she left town. But... my friends would've told me if she'd left, right?_

 _Or my mom, or Dawn. They wouldn't keep something like this from me would they? They'd tell me if the love of my life left town without warning. I just, I have to know that she's all right, or at least as okay as she can be after everything I've put on her._

I lean my head against the car window as Mom drives me and Dawn home.

 _I'm not asking her to be okay with everything right away. God she may never be okay with absolutely everything, but she can't just leave can she? I mean, she knows the truth now. She knows that Dawn is her daughter, our daughter... she can't just turn her back on that can she?_

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to block out the uncomfortable feeling in my ribs.

 _I did the right thing, didn't I? Telling her everything when I did? I couldn't keep lying to her, and keeping something this important from her. She never would've forgiven me if I had. Course she may never forgive me anyway so I guess, I lose. No matter which way you look at it, I'm going to lose Faith._

I feel a tear down my cheek as we turn onto our street. I look at Dawn sitting in the back seat.

 _I guess all that matters now is that Dawn isn't the loser in this. I have to keep her safe from Glory, with or without Faith. We might stand a better chance with her, but she might not be here if it comes to that._

Mom pulls into the driveway and parks the car. I try to open the door with my bruised arm rather than the recently broken one but it's not as fun as I thought and my Mom and Dawn are there in seconds to help. Dawn gets out and opens the door and Mom offers her hand to help me out. I just sit there for a second.

"You know I'm pretty much healed, you guys don't have to help me."

They both smile at me.

"We know, we just..."

"We just don't want you to work too hard. You need to take it easy."

I get out of the car under my own power.

 _I can't take it easy, not if I have to protect Dawn._

"I'm fine, really."

Mom hands Dawn the keys to the house.

"Would you mind getting the door honey?"

"Sure."

Dawn makes her way to the door while I limp my way to the house I haven't seen in several weeks.

 _I have to be ready... for if and when Glory attacks._

I try and straighten my limp while I walk but it starts to hurt and I stumble a bit. Lucky for me my Mom is there to keep me vertical.

"Is she okay?"

I look up at Dawn with her worried face on.

"She's fine she's just... stubborn."

I look at Mom and she's smiling at me.

"Then doesn't that mean she's back to normal?"

They laugh at that as I make my way up the steps and through the front door Dawn had open for me. I stand in the hall and just stare at the inside of my home. The door closes and Mom comes up and stands next to me.

"Is everything all right honey?"

"Yeah I just, I wasn't sure I'd ever see this place again."

Dawn comes up and puts her arms around me gently.

"Well you're home, and everything's gonna be okay."

 _She seems pretty happy, it's weird._

"Thanks Dawn."

She lets go and smiles.

"Are you hungry? I could make you something before bed."

"No, I think I just wanna get some rest."

"Okay, you've had a long day. Dawn, would you make sure she gets to bed okay?"

"I can do it myself Mom."

"I know, but just indulge your mother would you? I worry about you."

"Okay..."

 _She's always worried about me._

I make my way up the stairs with Dawn close behind.

 _I guess that's what mothers do, worry about their kids. That's probably why I worry about Dawn so much, some sort of motherly intuition thing._

We reach the top of the stairs and head to my room. I look at Dawn beside me and smile.

"What?"

"Nothing I just... I love you, you know that?"

She chuckles at me.

"Stop talking crazy sis. You're probably just tired, go sleep."

She opens the door to my room.

"Be nice if I had someone to do it with."

I walk into my room and...

"Faith?"

She's sitting on the edge of our bed.

"Be careful what you wish for sis."

She pokes me in the back, urging me forward. Dawn leaves the two of us alone.

"Faith..."

She finally looks up at me for a second.

"Buffy..."

She stares back at the floor.

"I, you... is, everything...?"

I'm completely at a loss so I just shut up. After a few more moments she looks at me.

"Can we talk?"

 _Talk?_

"Oh uh, yeah... um..."

I look back at the open door.

"Did you want me to...?"

"Sure..."

I close the door and limp my way in. I stop next to the bed, unsure of what to do.

"Do you mind if I...? You know..."

She looks down at the space next to her and moves a bit.

"If you want..."

I sit down gently, blocking out the pain.

"How are ya doing?"

 _Oh, me..._

"I'll be okay."

"I'm glad."

I look at her sitting next to me.

"Are you?"

She looks at me, hurt.

"Of course B, why wouldn't I be?"

"I, I'm sorry I... I just thought, with the leaving and everything..."

"Yeah well, I figure you get why I bailed on you?"

I look down at the floor.

"I get it, I think..."

"You kinda dumped a lot on me all at once there. A lot..."

She takes a deep breath.

"I know, I'm sorry for that."

"Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"Did you mean what you said? About, everything about, regretting not telling me you loved me, did you mean what you said about...?"

She just stops mid sentence, but she doesn't need to finish.

"Dawn..."

"Yeah, well, did you?"

"Every last word..."

There's this long silence between us.

"I believe you..."

 _She what? She believes me?_

"You believe me? Why?"

"I spent a lot of time thinking these past few weeks. More importantly, I've spent a lot of time with Dawn, thinking these past few weeks. And I realized you were right. Whatever it is that the three of us have, it runs deep. The way family should feel, not that I know much about that, but when I'm with her I feel connected to her, like I belong with her... and with you."

 _Is she saying what I think she's saying?_

I put my hand on her knee and she moves away so I take it off.

"But you hurt me B, keeping something this big, this important from me."

"I know, and I feel horrible about that."

"I think you do... which is why I'd like it, if maybe we could give us another shot."

I almost wanna cry as I look at her.

"You mean it?"

"If you still want to..."

 _Is she kidding me?_

I all but jump on her pushing her down on the bed with little pain.

 _Okay there's a lot of pain, but with the way I feel I don't care._

"Of course I still want to. Faith..."

I kiss her hard.

"I love you so much. Thank you."

I kiss her again, softer this time.

 _I thought she was leaving, but she's not and I love her for that._

"Whoa, whoa B... you're supposed to be on the mend."

 _Screw that..._

Speaking of screwing, I slip my hand down her body and rest it on her hip.

"Having you here is all the mending I need."

She kind of half smiles at me before grabbing me and turning the tables on me. She smiles down at me.

"I don't think your doctors would agree with you there B."

She pushes the hair out of my face.

"And you know that one night with me in your condition would put you back in the hospital."

 _She's probably right._

"I guess..."

Her face suddenly turns serious.

"But seriously B, as long as I can trust that you're being completely honest with me, then I'm willing to give us a chance, but..."

"You don't ever have to worry about any buts Faith. I'll be completely honest with you from now on."

"Thank you."

I just smile at her, basking in the joy of just being near her for a while.

"So was it weird?"

 _Weird?_

"Was what weird?"

"Being tortured... was it weird?"

 _Weird..._

"I guess that's the right word for it, or at least for her."

"She was weird?"

"Well, this might be an obvious statement but, she seemed to enjoy it a little too much. But at the same time, she seemed preoccupied with making sure I felt all right when she wasn't torturing me. She gave me food, and water, she even gave me a bath when she decided I was starting to stink up the place."

"A bath? Weird..."

"Yeah that's what I thought, but apparently the smell was keeping her from torturing me properly so she had to make it go away."

A silence falls between us as we realize what that means.

"She's really got a screw loose doesn't she?"

"I'd bet it's more than one."

Another moment of silence. Not uncomfortable silence but just... silence.

 _What's really weird... is me. Most people, who get tortured they, change. They come out of it, or don't, different then they used to be but me? I feel pretty much the same. I mean, physically I feel different sorta, but emotionally I feel... better I guess._

 _It's probably because all I could think about through everything was how I'd failed Faith. How I'd let her down so horribly that I may never forgive myself for doing, so... if I lived that is. And then she was there, and she saved me. I'm not even entirely sure how she did it but all that really matters is that I love her, and she saved me._

I look over at her, apparently staring at the ceiling.

 _I always knew she had a right to know the truth about Dawn, ever since I found out the truth myself I knew I had to tell her, but I didn't. And every day I didn't I could feel Faith slipping away more and more._

 _Then I finally told her and I thought I'd lost her for good... but I didn't. She's here and she's willing to give me another chance. We may actually be happy if we can work through this._

She finally looks over at me.

"What?"

I smile at her.

"I just... thank you..."

She just looks at me.

"For saving me... in more ways than one..."

"I couldn't just let Glory have you, or Dawn if it had come to that."

"That's what I meant but I know you would've protected her even if you hadn't found out the truth. You protected her and the gang back when I was dead before and I never did thank you for that either did I?"

She shifts uncomfortably.

"No need to thank me for that B, I was born to help people remember?"

I pull myself up to a sitting position.

"Still, it means a lot to me that you would do that for me despite what I've done to you."

She sits up next to me.

"Well it's not really about you B, it's about me. I may have met them because of you, and they gave me a chance because of you, but the way I feel about them is completely separate from how I feel about you. I care about them."

I put my hand on hers.

"I get it, but thank you anyway."

She looks down at my hand on hers and almost smiles.

"You do know..."

Our eyes meet.

"You know, this isn't gonna be easy right? Getting back what we had is really gonna be hard."

"I know, but I'm willing to take the time to get back your trust again, no matter how long it takes. I love you and I want us to be a family, the three of us and Mom."

Faith takes a deep breath and looks down at our hands.

"What about your Mom? When are we gonna tell her?"

"When she's feeling better, I don't want to give her any stress that'll make things worse. Are you all right with that?"

"Yeah, we don't wanna freak her out. It freaked me out and I guess we don't want a repeat if she's not feeling well."

I feel a little light headed and she looks at me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I guess I'm just tired."

"Well we should probably get to bed then."

 _We?_

"Really?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just figured, with you and me... and the bed, you might not want to... you know..."

"I've got no problem being in the same bed as you, we'll just have to work up to the other stuff. Unless, you know, you have a problem with it?"

"No, no I don't..."

"Then let's go to bed then."

"Okay..."

We start getting ready for bed.

 _I knew I made the right choice, I knew it._

 **End of Chapter 43**


	44. Mother Daughter

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 44**

Mother/Daughter

 **Faith's POV**

 _I made my choice. I made my choice and it was the right one._

I brush the hair out of B's face as I watch her sleep.

 _I asked for the truth and I got it. I may not have gotten the truth right away like I should have but she did give it to me. And what's that old saying? Better late than never? Now she knows better than to keep me in the dark. We can be honest with each other and work together to build a completely open relationship. Knowing that neither of us will ever be alone again._

 _God I sound like a romance novel or something. I know it's not gonna happen overnight, there's no light switch we can flip that will make everything work out. But telling me the truth about Dawn, and I do believe it's the truth now, is what we needed to go in the right direction. I wasn't really sure it was the truth at first I mean, it's crazy. I can't have a... daughter._

 _It's insane I mean, I don't know how to be a mother, I never really had one to learn from in the first place, it was completely insane. But the more time I spent with Dawn, after getting over the shock of what B told me, the more I realized just how much I loved that crazy kid. Sure she was kinda weird. She has some strange tastes in food, the peanut butter and anchovy's pizza kinda sticks in my mind, but something about all those quirks just made me love her more._

 _But the weirdest thing was me. The more time I spent with Dawn the more I worried about her, and it wasn't so much the things that go bump in the night that worried me, it was the other stuff. I mean I did worry about the vampires and demons and the Hellmouth and all that, but I've always worried about that stuff, it's kinda hard not to in this town._

 _No my worries became of the 'Dawn if you don't stop doing that you're going to trip and fall' or the 'Dawn don't talk with your mouth full or you're going to choke' variety. Me of all people worrying about that kind of stuff. It was a decidedly weird experience. But there I was, telling Dawn to sit up straight and pointing at people was rude and it wasn't until she started looking at me funny that it hit me what I was doing. I was trying to be a mother... to Dawn._

 _That's when I realized Buffy was right, what the monk said was true. Dawn... was my daughter. It's still hard to accept sometimes, but after everything it's impossible to deny. Much like my feelings for B. No matter what happens, nothing will ever change my feelings for her. But I didn't do this for her or because I have feelings for her, I did this for me. I did this because I believe we can move on from this and become not only better people separately but grow as a couple too._

I run my thumb along one of the almost healed cuts on her face.

 _Thank god she's gonna be all right. I think I would've gone nuts if she had died... again._

I lean in and kiss her gently on the forehead before snuggling up next to her.

I whisper to her gently as I close my eyes.

"I love you B... you and our daughter. Nothing will ever change that."

 **Dawn's POV**

 _What the hell is going on? People are going nuts left, right and center these days. First, Buffy gets captured by that demon lady Glory and she lets her torture her. How insane is that? Why would anyone let themselves get tortured over some key thing? Keys are stupid, if she really wanted in whatever this key opens she should just smash it, or kick down the door or whatever, that's what I would do if I were super-demon strong._

 _But no, she's gotta be all insane and use the key. Buffy should've just given her this key thing I mean, it's gotta be better than getting tortured by some sick demon-y thing. It's not like this key thing will end the world right?_

I roll over and bury my face in my pillow.

 _And even if it was all end of the world-ish Buffy would still stop it. She always stops it. It doesn't matter what it is she always saves the world. So why not just give up the key and then save the world? Or destroy it even, that's what I would do. If you destroy the key then Glory can't open whatever it is she wants to open can she? Any sane person would do that, but not Buffy._

 _But when it comes to acting insane I'd say Faith is the winner. The way she left the hospital the day Buffy woke up was just nuts. Me, Xander, and Anya were sitting in the hospital lobby playing Crazy Eights when all of the sudden she comes storming down the hall mumbling something about how it's not true. We followed her to find out what was going on but when Xander tried to stop her she shoved him out of the way._

 _She shoved him so hard he crashed into the wall and she didn't even stop. Not until I called her name that is, then she stopped dead. After a few seconds of just standing there she turns around and looks at me before looking at Xander. Then she gets with the apologizing and asking if Xander's okay. Anya just glared at her as she made sure her boyfriend was all right. Faith helped Xander up after he assures us he's okay despite his life flashing before his eyes._

 _Faith apologizes a few more times before saying she just needed some time alone before apologizing a couple more times and then leaving. That isn't the most insane stuff she did though, that happened after. For like a week after that she completely avoided going to see Buffy by saying she was trying to track down Glory, with no luck. When Faith tried to spend week two tracking Glory we called her on it, telling her it was no use._

 _Luckily she decided we were right, not like last time, and stopped. But when I said we should go see a movie or something fun she kinda looked at me funny before saying she didn't want to. Since when is Faith not ready to have fun? In all the time I've known her she's never turned down a chance to have fun, but this time she did. It wasn't until a week later of her avoiding me AND Buffy that I started to really think she'd gone insane when she asked if I wanted to go to a movie or something._

 _All of the sudden all she wanted to do was spend time with me, but I was worried about my sister and every time I said we should go see her Faith avoided it any way she could. She said stuff like 'I don't really feel like going to see her right now I'd rather spend time with you', she even went so far as to say 'That wouldn't be any fun, I wanna have some fun with you'._

 _So I went and tried to have fun with her... and it was, for a while. But after a couple days of movies and pizza and stuff she started to get weird on me. She kept telling me to be more careful, or not make fun of people who look funny, it was weird. I mean, Faith's the fun one. She's the one who does dangerous stuff. She's always the first one to make fun of someone and she never tells me what to do._

 _She's always been cooler and funnier and more interesting than everyone else, but ever since she left the hospital the day Buffy woke up she's been less fun. I mean going to the movies and playing card games and teaching her to play board games and stuff is fun and all but it's the other stuff that made her kinda weird. She was acting all mom-ish. She used to tell me stuff like 'stealing is only wrong if you get caught', not that I believed her but it was still fun to hear her say it._

 _Except now all I hear her say is 'don't steal, stealing is wrong' and 'stop cheating', which made her less fun to be around. She's still fun, and like 100 times cooler than Buffy but it's just... getting weird being around her when she pretending to be Mom._

 _And I think it's somehow my fault. I know they said it's not my fault, but then why is Faith trying to be Mom? Why is everyone starting to act nuts around me? It doesn't make sense unless whatever's going on is some how about me. Whatever it is, I don't think they're going to tell me, so I'll have to find out on my own somehow._

 **End of Chapter 44**


	45. Equality of Tragedy

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 45**

Equality of tragedy

 **Buffy's POV**

I shift on the bed as I start to wake up.

 _I don't want to wake up. I wanna stay here in the warm, strong arms of the woman I love. The woman who's forgiven me for all the horrible things I've said and done to her since I've been back. She's forgiven me. Forgiven me for blaming her for being back. She's forgiven me for hurting her and lying to her and everything else._

 _I've done so many horrible things to her and still she finds it in her to love me and forgive me for what I've done. And she didn't do it for me, I know that. She didn't do it because she felt bad that I got tortured either. If she had done it because of the torture then she would've been there for me every minute I was in the hospital, even after the shock of finding out the truth about Dawn, but she wasn't._

 _She disappeared completely from me for almost 4 whole weeks because she had a decision to make, a decision that had nothing to do with me. It may have affected me, it could've changed my life for better or worse no matter what the outcome was, but it was never really about me. It was about her. She had to choose for herself whether or not I was worth another shot. Whether I was worth all the pain and heartache to get to this point where we just might be happy. I never would have blamed her if she decided I wasn't._

I open my eyes and look at the sleeping beauty in front of me.

 _I don't deserve such a woman. I'm not worthy of someone so incredible. We may both be slayers, the only two in the world, but we're nothing a like. She's honest and caring and incredibly selfless. I'm only honest when I have to be, and only caring and selfless when I want to be. She's all these things all the time and so much more. I could never measure up to someone like her, but I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try and be a better person, for her and for Dawn._

I bite my bottom lip and try and hold back the tears in my eyes.

 _They deserve someone they can be proud of, someone worthy of them._

I reach out and caress her cheek.

 _I will one day be that person for them._

My gentle touch wakes the love of my life.

"Mmm, morning..."

She opens her eyes and that beautiful smile becomes a well of concern as she sees my face.

"What's wrong?"

Those two simple words make my tears flow free.

 _All the things I've done to her and she still cares enough to ask me that._

"I'm sorry."

She smiles at me again.

"You gotta stop saying that B. You might develop repetitive stress disorder or something."

I try and smile at her but the tears keep coming.

"I'm still sorry."

She takes my hands in hers and leads us both to a sitting position. I turn to face her on the bed as she does the same.

"I know that B. I told you last night that I believed you. It's one of the reasons I was willing to forgive you."

I wrap my arms around my knees.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm a horrible person."

She puts her arm around me.

"Buffy, I of all people know what being forgiven is all about. I know what it means to feel like a horrible person who doesn't deserve any happiness. But it was you who showed me different."

I drop my head to rest it against my knees.

"You showed me that I deserve to be loved just as much as anyone. You saw past the things I've done and saw the person I was, the person I could be."

"Faith..."

"Ever since I realized that, I've done whatever I could to become the person you saw in me. A person you deserve to be with."

I look up at her.

"But it's me who doesn't deserve you. I'm the horrible one in this relationship."

I look away from her.

"You're not..."

She turns my head to look her in the eyes.

"You're not a horrible person B. You've done a lot for me and for your friends. More than that you stood up to them for me when you shouldn't have, when you had no reason to."

I take her hand from my cheek and hold it between us.

"I couldn't let them judge you until they saw the real you."

She inches closer and wipes the tears from my eyes.

"That's not something a horrible person would do. That's something a hero would do."

 _A hero?_

"I'm not a hero Faith."

She kisses me sweet and simply.

"Yes, you are. You're my hero B."

I try and look away but she holds me firm.

"Do I even have to remind you what you did for me? You died for me. You gave up your life to save my own and I will always be grateful to you for that."

She kisses me, a little deeper this time.

"You're just as good a person as I am, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

 _She's right. She's a really good person._

I kiss her back deeply and passionately.

"Thank you..."

She kisses me again and my tears stop. I lean back on the bed as we start to make out. Our bodies press together and I reach my hands up into her hair. I moan into our kiss as her hand slides it's way to my breast until... The door flies open letting the rest of the world in, and Dawn. She runs into the room and starts jumping on the bed.

"It's morning time you lazy sluts get out of bed or I'll kick both your butts!"

We stop making out and Faith rolls off me so we can look at Dawn.

 _The bed's not supposed to shake till later._

"Dawn, go away!"

"Why?"

"Because we want you to?"

She jumps up and down a little harder.

"Not good enough."

Faith looks at me and then sits up.

"Dawn, what did we tell you about bursting into our room without knocking?"

She stops bouncing up and down and looks at Faith kinda funny.

"Try and cut back a little?"

I sit up too.

"I'm pretty sure we told you to cut it out. You do remember what happened last time you did that don't you?"

She drops down to her knees on the bed and puts her hand on her cheek.

"Yeah, I got clocked in the face by a supped-up slayer."

I look over at Faith and she has a hurt look about her.

"Dawn, would you just... go back to bed already?"

"Why?"

She starts crawling down the bed between us.

 _For god sake..._

"Cause we'd like to be alone all right?"

She plops down on the bed right between both of us.

"Oh come on, it's not like I don't have all the same parts you have. Maybe I could watch? Get a few pointers for when I take health class next year?"

 _Okay that's it..._

I get out of bed, pick up Dawn and carry her to the door.

"Go back to bed you sick little freak."

I put her down outside the door and she turns around.

"Fine but..."

I shut the door in Dawn's face. She shouts through the door.

"If I get an F in health I'm blaming the two of you!"

I listen to her walk off and slam her door before I turn around and head back to bed.

"We're really gonna have to talk to your daughter about barging into our room uninvited. I mean there's a spell to kick vamps out of your house, shouldn't there be one for sisters and rooms?"

I reach the bed and notice that Faith isn't even smiling.

"Faith?"

I climb into bed and she just stares at the door.

"Honey what's wrong?"

"I should never have yelled at her."

 _What?_

"Dawn?"

"I should never have yelled at her that night."

"Faith, don't..."

"She's never gonna forget that night B. She's gonna remember that night for the rest of her life. I know I did."

I put my arm around hers, trying to comfort her.

"Faith, you shouldn't blame yourself for that. It's my fault more than yours. If I had been honest with you right from the beginning we never would have fought that night and Dawn never would've gotten hurt. Don't blame yourself, blame me."

She looks at me and touches my cheek.

"It's not about whose fault it is, it's about what she'll remember."

"She's tough, she'll get over it."

 _I can't let her beat herself up._

"Someone she cares about hit her. She'll never get over that. Trust me I know."

 _This is about more than just Dawn for her._

"Faith whatever it is, you can tell me and we'll deal."

She doesn't get a chance and a crash sounds, somewhere in the house. Faith gets tense.

"What was that?"

I give the only answer I can give.

"I don't know."

Footsteps come barreling down the hall and she knocks frantically.

"Guys? Guys did you hear that?"

Faith and I jump out of bed and put on some clothes before opening the door.

"What was it Dawn?"

"I don't know but I think it came from downstairs."

We rush down the stairs, Dawn following close behind. Faith runs into the dining room, I run into the living room.

 _Nothing..._

Dawn runs into the kitchen and screams.

 _Dawn?_

We bolt into the kitchen to find Dawn kneeling over...

 _OH MY GOD!_

"Mom?"

I'm at her side in seconds to see if she's all right.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I-I don't know Dawn."

I shake her gently to see if she wakes up, she doesn't. Faith joins us on the floor, phone in hand.

"Is she breathing?"

"I think so."

I check for a pulse.

"She's got a heartbeat too."

"Thank god... yes hello, I have an emergency. I need an ambulance at 1640 Rovello Drive. My mom she... we came downstairs this morning after hearing a crash and found her lying on the floor unconscious. Yes she's still breathing... she has a pulse, she's just unconscious and she won't wake up. Please hurry..."

"Mommy?"

I look over at Dawn and she's crying. I put my arms around her and give her a shoulder to cry on, but I'm almost crying myself.

 _I can't cry. I have to be strong for Dawn._

"No, it doesn't look like she's bleeding or has any kind of injury."

The sirens seem to come out of nowhere and get louder. Dawn looks up from my shoulder.

"They're here..."

She keeps crying but she has this look of hope mixed in there.

"Do they know which house it is?"

The hope is suddenly replaced by panic.

"They have to know what house it is."

She pushes herself out of my arms.

"If they don't know what house it is then they can't be here to save her."

"Dawn..."

"Oh god, what if they can't do anything? What if...?"

"Dawn, everything's gonna be all right. I'm gonna go outside and make sure the paramedics get here and they're going to save her okay?"

She's still kinda panicking but she's less upset.

"Okay..."

I start to rush to the front door.

 _She's gonna be okay, she has to be._

 **End of Chapter 45**


	46. Lobby

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 46**

Lobby

 **Faith's POV**

 _She has to be okay, she just has to be. Joyce is a good person, she doesn't deserve to suffer. She has nothing to suffer for. She only ever does good things. She's the best person I've ever known and she treats me like one of her own. You couldn't find a better person than her. So why is this happening to her? Why does she have to go through this?_

I look down at B's hand in my own, holding on tight, before turning my gaze to her sister whose arms are wrapped around B's stomach.

 _Why do THEY have to go through this? I can deal. I've had this happen before, but them? Joyce raised them, nurtured them, she helped them become the incredible people they are today. This has got to be 100 times worse than it was for me._

A doctor comes walking down the hall in front of us and B's hand seriously tenses up, as does the rest of her. I hear Dawn take in a deep breath and hold it. The doctor passes us by and neither of them relaxes. I squeeze B's hand back before pulling it to my lips and kissing her knuckles gently. She looks in my eyes, pain and misery written all over her face.

 _God if only I could take it away from her._

"It's all gonna be okay. The doctors said your mom was gonna be fine, she's not gonna die."

That breath Dawn was holding in is let out in the form of a question.

"But why?"

I can't help but feel my heart break for her as she sits up on the couch we're sitting on.

"Why would this happen? Why would this happen to..."

"Mom?"

Dawn starts crying again and Buffy puts an arm around her, hugging her tight but never letting go of my hand. It happens again, our connection goes into overdrive, intense as it is.

 _Somewhere beneath all the sadness, beneath all the constant fear that will lead to more bad things to come, I have hope. Hope that we can make it through this and whatever else comes our way._

"Faith is right Dawnie. Mom's gonna be fine, and as soon as the doctors let her go we'll take her home and we can get things back to normal."

Dawn lets out a deep sigh as the tears start to fade.

"I just... hate hospitals."

I reach across B and tuck a few strands of hair behind Dawn's ear before wiping a tear from her cheek with my thumb.

"Gotta agree with ya there kid."

She just barely smiles at me.

"First you, then Buffy and now Mom... who's gonna be next?"

"No one, not if your sister and I have anything to say about it. Ain't that right B?"

Buffy turns to me, forcing a smile.

"That's right..."

She goes back to consoling Dawn.

"No one else is going to be in the hospital because we're not gonna let it happen. We're gonna save the world and you and no one is gonna get hurt."

 _And her?_

"And me?"

"What?"

 _You took the words right out of my mouth kid._

"You said you were going to save the world AND me. What do I have to do with saving the world?"

Buffy just kinda freezes for a second.

"I meant to say you too. We're gonna save the world and you too cause you're part of the world."

Dawn just kinda looks at her funny. It's a similar look to the one she gives me when I get mom-ish with her.

"Dawnie you haven't eaten anything all day..."

I dig into my pocket and pull out a 5 dollar bill. I hand it to her.

"Go get something food related from the vending machine why don't you?"

That weird look she gave B shifts to my direction before she gets up.

"What about Mom?"

"We'll come find you if the doctor has any news okay? We promise not to let the doctor say anything until you're around."

"Okay..."

She takes another few seconds to stare at us, the pain of the situation written all over her face. She turns to head to the vending machine and walks off. Buffy turns to me and squeezes my hand.

"I nearly gave it all away didn't I? If I had said any more we might have had to tell her everything."

"It's all right B."

"It can't be all right Faith. It would kill her if she found out the truth on top of everything else. It would just..."

I hold her head to look in her eyes.

"B, listen to me..."

She stares into my eyes and I can see a deep well of sadness and fear in them.

"Things are crazy right now, anything you say she's just gonna take as you being nuts on account of what's happening with M... with your mom. Don't beat yourself up."

She takes a deep breath.

"I just, I don't want to cause anyone any more pain..."

She closes her eyes to hold back her tears.

"Especially you."

I take her in my arms and hold her tight.

"It's all right B, it's all gonna be all right."

 _I can feel the way she relaxes in my arms, takes comfort in them and it makes me feel better to know she'll open up to me. It makes what is happening now feel less out of control knowing that we have each other to turn to when things get bad._

 _Not that I want things to get bad, but they always seem to whether I want it or not. We have each other to depend on now for support. And we have Dawn, a reason to support each other and make it through it all._

"How is she?"

I pull away from our embrace to see Xander, Giles and Anya coming up to us. Buffy wipes the nearly fallen tears from her eyes before facing them.

"They won't tell us much, just that she's not in any danger of anything serious as far as they can see."

"That's good..."

B's head drops and I put my arm around her.

"Well I'm sure whatever it may be the doctors shall do all they can."

"Yeah Buffy, and these are Sunnydale doctors. They see some weird stuff, I'm sure whatever it is they'll figure it out and fix it like a walk in the park."

We all smile at the completely stupid comment he just made.

 _I kinda hope he's right though._

B looks at her friends.

"Where's Willow?"

"We... we don't know Buff. We tried calling her after we found you but she didn't pick up, and there was someone else on the other end. So we went over to her dorm and her things were gone. The registrars' office said she was officially un-enrolled 3 days ago."

"And her parents?"

"They said she came by about a week ago, borrowed some money and then in no uncertain terms said goodbye."

"She's gone?"

"The way they said she put it she told them she couldn't stay in this town anymore... with these people."

"She said that?"

"Her parents said those were her exact words, that she wanted them to say it just like that."

Buffy puts her head in her hands, so close to crying.

"Where did Dawn go off to?"

"She went to get something to eat. She's been gone for a few minutes. Would one of you...?"

"We'll go and find her Buff."

She lifts her head and smiles weakly at them.

"Thanks... guys..."

"No problem..."

They smile back at her before heading off in the direction of the nearest vending machine. Giles comes and sits down next to us.

"And how is Dawn?"

Buffy doesn't answer so I step in.

"She's doing all right, dealing at the very least. She's been through a little too much lately but I think she'll be okay."

Giles takes a deep breath.

"I'm sure she will, with the two of you looking after her."

B turns and throws her arms around me and buries her face in my shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Buffy just holds me a little tighter.

"Did you get in touch with The Council? Are they going to help us?"

"They've agreed to help, and to contact us should they learn anything of value."

"Hear that B? The Council's gonna help us protect Dawn. At least things can't get any worse right?"

She chuckles a bit and pulls back, a less pain filled smile on her face.

"I guess not..."

"Yes, quite..."

Giles puts his hand on B's shoulder.

"The Council have much at their disposal, far greater resources than I can hope to achieve even with my recent acquisition of the magic shop. I'm sure we'll hear from them soon."

"See? Everything is gonna work out B, just like I said it will."

We just sit there on the couch for a few moments in silence.

"I'll go see if the doctors have any news..."

"Thanks..."

B and I are left alone on the hospital couch.

 **End of Chapter 46**


	47. Happy family

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 47**

Happy Family

 **Buffy's POV**

 _Oh my god! Oh my god thank god she's gonna be all right._

I put my arms around her and hug her tight.

"Buffy..."

Dawn runs around the hospital bed and hugs her too.

"Dawn... I'm all right. I'm going to be just fine."

The room falls silent and I just bask in the knowledge that she's gonna be all right.

 _My mother is going to be okay._

"Buffy, while I'm just as glad to be all right as you are... I'm only human, there's no need to use slayer strength."

I instantly let go and step back.

"I'm sorry I... I just... I'm just glad you're going to be okay."

"Like I said... so am I."

"Yes, we are all quite relieved to hear that you appear to be fine."

I look back at Giles, Xander, Anya and Faith all standing a few steps away in the hospital room we've just entered.

"Thank you Rupert."

"Yes we really, really prefer that you not die."

"Uh... thank you Anya."

I reach my hand out to Faith, letting her know she doesn't have to stand so far away.

 _None of them have to, but she of all people should be right here with us in this._

She takes my hand and stands beside me. Mom looks down at my hand linked with Faith's and smiles.

"And how are you feeling Buffy? Is your recovery from your experience still going as planned?"

I look at Faith and squeeze her hand gently.

"I'm feeling a lot better Mom, a few aches and pains and a lot of soreness..."

I turn my full attention back to my mother.

"But for the most part I think everything's gonna be okay. I'm more worried about you."

Dawn finally stops hugging Mom.

"You're gonna be okay right?"

"Yes Dawn, the doctors said whatever it is they don't think it's serious."

Dawn asks what we're all wondering.

"Do they know what it is? Do they know what's wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with her kid. She's just sick, right Joyce?"

"They don't know what the problem is, but they're doing some blood work..."

She reaches out and caresses Dawn's cheek.

"They'll know something soon."

Dawn takes Mom's hand from her cheek and holds it tight.

"See Dawnster? There's nothing to worry about."

"I hope not..."

"Yes, except for that horrible demon woman who tortured Buffy, nearly killed Faith and sent a giant snake to kill us, nothing to worry about."

 _I'm gonna kill her._

I turn around and Xander's got an apologetic look on his face.

"An, honey let's go wait outside while they talk."

"What? I was trying to help."

"Well you weren't, let's go."

Xander leads his almost killed girlfriend out of the room. I turn back to Mom and she smiles sympathetically.

"Whatever this demon woman is, I'm sure you'll find a way to stop her."

"Yeah cause, Faith's all super slayer girl who's gonna kick butt and Buffy can go along for moral support."

I kinda glare at Dawn but I can't keep it up.

 _Dawn's right, I may not put up much of a fight. For all I know, the next time I see her I'll have flashbacks to her torturing me and freeze up._

Faith's looking at me and it's like she knows what I'm thinking.

"Dawn your sister is a lot more than a really hot cheerleader. Most of the time she can kick my ass when she wants to, thankfully she doesn't want to. She'd rather kiss me than kick me."

"But when you go all super slayer..."

"That only happens during an apocalypse Dawn, or when I'm trying to save someone's life. And besides which even when I am all super slayer, I'm not that much stronger than your sister."

 _Why is Faith completely lying to Dawn about this? Most of the time she can kick my ass just as badly as I can kick hers. And when she's super slayer-like, I don't have a chance at touching her. She took out that Glory chick in one punch. I don't know that I could do that._

"But you killed that Omega demon thing."

"Buffy could've killed Omega if she wanted to, but she was busy saving my life."

 _We don't actually know that. I don't know that I could've beaten him by myself._

"But..."

Mom interrupts the argument before it goes any further.

"Dawn, don't argue with Faith when she's right. Now you've been cooped up inside all day. You need some fresh air, Rupert would you take Dawn outside for a while?"

"Of course..."

Dawn kinda clings to Mom.

"What about you?"

"I'll get some fresh air when the doctors tell me it's all right for me to have fresh air, you go on."

She looks at Mom for a second before letting go of her hand.

"Okay..."

She leans in and hugs Mom.

"I'm glad you're all right Mom."

"Me too sweetie, me too..."

After a few more silent moments they break the hug and Dawn leaves the room with Giles. I turn to Faith as soon as they're gone.

"You don't have to lie to Dawn to make me feel better."

"I'm not lying to her B, it's the truth."

My eyes drop to the floor.

"We don't know that I would've made a difference in the fight."

"Yes we do, if you hadn't been there for me, if you hadn't helped me to get my memory back and shown me the beauty of love I never would have been there in the first place. I probably would've been dead when those vamps came after me at Angel's."

"You should listen to her Buffy, she knows what she's talking about. She's become a good, honest and loving person thanks mostly to you."

I look over at my mom.

"She was always a good, honest, and loving person. She just needed someone to show her, and everyone else."

Faith turns my head so our eyes meet.

"And you did. Now it's time to return the favor. You made a difference in every way B. I'm living proof of that."

She leans in and kisses me gently and I kiss her back. For a moment I get lost in the idea that everything feels perfect and it's all gonna work out. Then the fact that we're kissing in front of my sick mother hits me. I break the kiss and turn to Mom.

"Sorry... Mom, we shouldn't be, you know..."

"Oh don't stop on my account, I'm just glad to see the two of you happy. It makes me feel better to know that you can depend on each other when things get bad."

"Things aren't getting any worse though Joyce, things are going to get better. The doctors are gonna figure out what made you faint and they'll make it better."

Mom just smiles at us.

 _She knows as well as we do that things could get worse before they get better no matter how hard we work to make things better. She may not know how they'll get worse, but she knows they can. Maybe she should know._

"I know Dawn will be safe with the two of you looking out for her. You both love her a lot and you'll give her a home."

"Mom?"

"Don't get me wrong, I plan on being around for many years to come. I hope that when the tests they're running come back they'll be negative and there won't be anything to worry about. But I know there's just as much chance that they'll come back with bad news, and knowing that the two of you will look out for her and each other, if it comes to that, makes me feel better. You will take care of each other won't you?"

"Of course Joyce, you know we will."

She smiles at the two of us standing there at her side.

 _I don't want my mother to die._

I get a weird chill as someone comes in.

"And how are we doing?"

Faith kinda gives him a weird look as he makes his way to the other side of the hospital bed to check on my mom.

"Hey, Ben..."

 _Does Faith not like Ben or something? Maybe she's picking up on the same thing I am. There's something off about this guy. I don't know what it is exactly, but he bothers me._

"Hey Ben..."

 _The whole time I was in the hospital he was the weirdest guy. He was assigned to be my doctor because apparently he was there to help when Faith found me, which is weird in and of itself. What the heck was he doing there in the first place? Does he have some kind of connection to Glory?_

 _Weirder than that was that sometimes I wouldn't see him at all for days at a time, they had to bring other doctors in to check on me cause he simply disappeared. Then he would come back and they'd just let him take care of me again. None of the other doctors knew where he went, but one of the nurses told me he did this kinda thing a lot._

"I'm going to have to check her vitals now, if you two wouldn't mind waiting outside."

I look over at Faith who nods her head and I look at my mom, she smiles.

"Okay..."

Faith and I leave my mom alone with him.

 _Something's definitely weird about him._

 **End of Chapter 47**


	48. Things to come

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 48**

Things to come

 **Author's Note:** For anyone interested, I posted a spinoff of sorts to this story following Willow after leaving Sunnydale in my story "Plot Bunnies" in my profile. It's the chapter called "Acceptance".

 **Dawn's POV**

 _Mom... she's gonna be okay. I'm just so glad she's gonna be okay._

I take a sip of the grape juice Giles bought me as we walk down the hall to where my mom's room is.

 _Mom's gonna be fine, I can't believe Mom's gonna be all right. I mean I'm glad she's all right, but when I found her on the ground unconscious I thought the worst had happened. I thought that..._

I shiver at the thought I really don't wanna have again. I feel an arm around my shoulders and look up at Giles.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I think so..."

He smiles at me in that really British way that he does.

"Are you certain? There's no way I can help?"

"No, not unless you can make the doctors tell us what's wrong with my mom."

We reach the row of chairs outside my mom's hospital room. Faith is sitting alone in one of the chairs.

"Perhaps I can. I shall go see if I can get more information out of the doctors. Go spend some time with Faith."

"Yeah, she looks like she could use it."

 _Oops, what a stupid thing to say right now. Of course she needs it._

Giles just looks at me.

"Sorry..."

I go over to Faith and sit down in the seat next to her and Giles goes to find a doctor. Faith looks over at me for a split second.

"Hey..."

I just smile at her.

"Hey..."

We sit there for a bit.

"How are you?"

"I'm good, all things considered."

Again we just sit there in silence for a little while.

"Where's Buffy?"

"I said I was hungry and she offered to get me something to eat. She's on a hunt for something that's edible, could be a while."

"Yeah..."

I look down at my juice box and take a sip.

"Is Buffy mad at me?"

"She's upset with you, kinda, but not mad at you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

"Yes you did, but that's okay. You were just being honest."

 _What?_

"So you are stronger than Buffy?"

"Yes Dawn, I am. But being a slayer is about more than brute strength. It helps, but it's not the be all end all. A slayer has to have the skill and the awareness to use that power properly. I learned that when I killed the deputy mayor."

There's a long pause and I don't know what to say.

"I've always been strong and had some skills, although what that cult did to me is what makes me stronger than Buffy, but I never really cared about what was going on around me. I was too busy trying to have fun to realize there was so much about being a slayer that I was missing."

She puts her hand on mine and I look at her.

"Buffy's always had that self-awareness, and it kinda goes hand in hand with that self-confidence we slayers seem to have way too much of. But having self-confidence in a fight is kinda key to surviving one. If you aren't sure you're gonna win, it kinda makes winning a lot harder than it has to be. Things can happen, people can die. And after everything that's happened, Buffy's not as confident as she used to be. She hasn't said so, but she doesn't have to, I can tell. Saying what you said only confirmed all the stuff she's already thinking, I had to say something to keep her from believing it."

I take a deep breath.

"I made things worse..."

Faith just smiles at me and pushes a few strands of hair out of my face.

 _Why does it feel like I'm talking to Mom?_

"We just gotta keep things going until we save... the world. Then we can worry about the other stuff, okay?"

"Okay... so you guys are back then?"

"Seems that way at least, I hope it works out."

 _What?_

"You mean it might not?"

"I dunno Dawn. We have a shot now that we're both being completely honest with each other. I'm just not sure during an apocalypse is the best time to build on that. We'll have to see how things go afterwards."

"You love each other though."

"Yes we do Dawn, but whether or not we make it is anybodies guess."

 _I have to do something._

"Can I help... somehow?"

"You being here is more than enough help Dawnie."

I look up and see Buffy standing a few feet away with two cups of coffee and a bag that probably has donuts in it.

"Hey B, I see you found something non-poisonous for us to consume."

"Well I don't know about non-poisonous but I'm pretty sure it's eatable."

She hands Faith one of the cups and sits down on my other side. Buffy puts her coffee down for a second and opens the bag to me.

"I got you one too."

 _Really?_

I look in the bag before sticking my hand in and picking one.

"I ran into Giles in the hall and he said you were here so I picked up one for you too."

I take one of them and take a bite.

"Thanks."

Buffy just smiles at me as she hands the bag to Faith.

"Don't talk with your mouthful kid. It's not lady-like."

Buffy and I just look at Faith as she hands the bag back to my sister.

"What?"

"When did you start worrying about Dawn being more lady-like?"

Faith just stares at Buffy kinda blankly as Buffy stares right back with a weird look.

"Right, sorry..."

"It's okay B..."

 _It's okay?_

"What's okay?"

"It's nothing Dawn, don't worry about it."

 _What?_

I look between Buffy and Faith and it's like neither of them want to look at me.

 _Are they fighting over me again? What did I do?_

I look at both of them again.

 _They aren't fighting over me. They just smiled at each other. Whatever's wrong, they aren't fighting about it, but this is still about me somehow. If it wasn't they would have looked at me by now, or talked to me about something. But they're not doing that, they're just sitting next to me trying not to talk to me or do any of the things people do to make me feel better when things are bad. It's making me feel weird._

I look between both of them again and Buffy smiles at me. That only makes it seem weirder.

 _Why does this keep happening? What is it about me that makes everything tense? And why won't anyone tell me what it is?_

 **Glory's POV**

 _Fucking useless, all of them are completely useless. I'd kill half of them for motivation purposes but that bitch of a brunette took care of that for me a couple weeks ago. Ever since then they've been running around like chickens with their heads cut off. The problem is... chickens without heads don't actually get anything done._

 _They haven't found my precious key, and time is running out. I have to find my key so I can go home. I can't stand this horrible place much longer. And not just the new absolutely fabulous crap hole I moved into after that bitch put a hole in my bedroom wall. I hate this whole damn dimension._

 _All the pathetic little mortals. And their stupid protectors who think they're so strong just cause they almost bruised me in one punch. My minions better find that bitch soon, I'll never get to her little blonde slayer if I don't take out her first. Of course that plan will only work out if my minions can actually FIND her._

 _It certainly doesn't help that the moron in orthopedic pants keeps making his mediocre presence felt, and all the minions I send to watch him end up bleeding or beaten or both. Sometimes they come back with pieces that have to be reattached. It's really quite disgusting, and my minions are disgusting enough as it is._

Speaking of which, one of them enters the room.

"This better be important."

I go back to applying my make-up.

"It is most splendid one, it is. We believe we may have finally located the slayer and the most unpleasant brunette one."

"And?"

"And we managed to do so without being spotted by Ben."

"Ben?"

"Yes, they appear to be at the hospital."

"That slayer bitch hasn't recovered yet?"

"No most scrumptious one, she has, they appear to be in the hospital for some other unknown reason."

"And why exactly is it unknown?"

"We have yet to discover the reason oh great Glorificus. However we are working on it."

"Well good, keep me informed. Watch them, see if they lead you to information about the key, or maybe even the key itself."

"Yes great one, we shall do as you ask."

"Good, now get out of here before you start to stink up my room."

"Yes mistress."

 **End of Chapter 48**


	49. Coming home

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 49**

Coming home

 **Buffy's POV**

"Just a little further Mom, you can do it."

"Of course I can do it sweetie, I'm not 60 just yet."

I wanna say something to that but Faith beats me to it.

"We know that Joyce, you're a sexy rambunctious woman and there isn't a man or gay girl in town who wouldn't jump at a chance to get with you..."

Dawn and I both have the same thought.

"Eww, Faith!"

But it makes Mom smile.

"Present company excluded of course..."

"Of course..."

"But we just want to be sure you don't over stress yourself. The doctors did say the fainting could've been caused by stress."

 _We've certainly given her a lot of that over the past little while. The whole me being tortured, Faith nearly dying thing was really hard on her. And I imagine knowing Dawn is somehow involved didn't help matters._

"Walking isn't stressful activity. In fact it's been known to relieve stress, especially when you do it under your own power."

She looks at my arm clutching hers, half to support her and half to know that she's really coming home, and then smiles at me.

"I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"Concerned yes I know. I even appreciate it but I'm okay to do things on my own."

She takes me in her arms and holds me tight.

 _God I was so afraid I'd never get to do this again._

Dawn rushes over and attacks us with a hug. I just smile and put my arm around her. I look at Faith and she smiles.

"I'll go get the door."

She starts her way up to the house and we break the hug. Mom watches Faith go up to the house and looks at us with that motherly knowing look she does and leads me and Dawn up to the house. We make it up the steps as Faith is opening the door.

"Faith?"

She turns around and Mom hugs her. After a moment of weirdness from Faith, she hugs Mom back. I look at Dawn and we smile at each other.

 _She seems happier since she heard we were taking Mom home. I just hope we can keep this feeling going with what's coming. If Glory figures out Dawn's the key there'll be a whole lot of badness on the way. And not just in the form of a sick and twisted demon who's way too powerful for her own good, but also from Dawn. Kids have a hard enough time finding out they're adopted, this'll probably be 100 times worse._

 _Learning she used to be a key thing is gonna be hell on her. But Faith and I have kinda talked about it, and we won't let her go through this alone. We'll be here for her when she wants us to be, I just hope she will want us to be. She's our daughter, and my sister. I wanna be the best mom I can be, and the best sister. Faith feels the same way, and we're gonna do the best we can._

Mom breaks the hug leaving only a hand on Faith's shoulder. She looks at Mom with a smile which then travels to me and Dawn.

"What was that for?"

Dawn punches Faith in the arm.

"Because we love you silly..."

Dawn goes inside and Mom's hand slides down to Faith's arm which she gives a loving squeeze.

"You're family..."

Mom goes inside and Faith and I are left on the porch. She looks at me, I look at her and we smile. I take her hand and bring her knuckles to my lips, kissing them gently before we go inside and shut the door.

"Sorry, I'm just new to this whole happy family thing. I mean sure I had one but we certainly weren't happy."

I put my arm around Faith's waist as we go into the living room with my mom and my sister... daughter... with Dawn.

"Well you're gonna have to get used to it sweetie, cause that's what we are."

She sits down on one of the chairs and I avail myself of the arm of it.

"I guess..."

 _She's still a little unsure about it, that's okay._

I put two fingers under her chin and guide her head so our eyes meet, kissing her as they do. Dawn fake gags at our kissing and Mom shushes her. I look at my one and only and smile.

"You're totally part of the family baby. And this is the kinda thing happy families do. They hug and kiss and..."

"Throw up?"

I tear my gaze away from Faith to glare at Dawn who just sits there smiling with that stupid grin of hers.

"Do stuff together."

"I know B, I'll get used to it, don't you worry. One happy family coming up, it'll just be a while cause I'm not blood."

"Well no but Dawn..."

And I'm suddenly very aware that Dawn is in the room and I freeze with the look Faith gives me.

"But me?"

I look at Dawn and her eyes keep moving from me to Faith to Mom.

"What about me?"

"Nothing Dawn, I don't know what I was saying."

"Nothing?"

"Yeah, your sister was just being weird, you know how she is kid."

"It sure sounded important, didn't it Mom?"

Mom looks at us questioningly before turning to Dawn.

"Uh, a little yes..."

Dawn now looks at us with semi-support.

"What do I have to do with Faith not being related to us?"

"Nothing, it has nothing to do with anything."

"But then..."

"Dawn, you have homework you have to do don't you?"

 _Thank god for Mom._

"Yes but..."

"You should probably go do it shouldn't you? You don't want to get behind do you?"

"I..."

She stops before saying what she wants.

"No..."

"Why don't you go do that then?"

She sits there for a few more seconds, looking at the three of us separately before answering.

"Okay Mom..."

Dawn gets up and heads to the stairs.

"Thank you sweetie..."

"Un-huh..."

Just before she leaves the room she turns around to face us.

"You know sooner or later I'm gonna figure it out. Whatever it is that you don't want me to know, I'll find out one way or another whether you like it or not."

Then she turns and leaves. I get up to go after her.

"Dawnie wait..."

I'm about to run after her up the stairs but Faith's hand around my wrist stops me. I hear the door to Dawn's room slam.

"B, don't..."

I almost protest.

"But..."

"She's right Buffy. Anything you say now is just going to be taken badly."

I look at Mom and then at Faith.

"I'm doing it again."

I fall onto my knees next to Faith's chair, my head coming down on the arm rest.

"I'm keeping secrets from people I love again."

Faith's hand is on my head.

"B..."

"Why do I keep doing this to people? Why can't I stop hurting people?"

She pulls me up to my feet and takes me in her arms.

 _God I wanna cry._

"It's all right B."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is... you and I both know Dawn's not ready to know yet."

"I know, I know that I just... I didn't mean to screw up like that I... I just really want her, to..."

"I know B, I feel the same way. But she's not ready yet. She will be though, one day she will."

 _I just want Dawn to think of me the same way she thinks of Mom. I want it so bad sometimes I don't think before I say things, and it's why Dawn's in her room mad at us right now._

"You're not alone in this B."

I hold on to Faith a little tighter and we just stand there for a few seconds.

"She's right you know?"

 _Mom?_

We break the hug and look at Mom.

"Dawn's a smart girl, sooner or later she will figure out whatever you don't want her to know."

"We know that we just... we don't want to freak her out too soon."

Mom looks from me to Faith and then back to me.

"Which do you think will hurt more, finding out from you or being forced to figure it out on her own?"

"It's just... this is really big, either way it's gonna be hard on her. We wanna make sure we can ease her into it Joyce."

Mom's arms go across her chest.

"Do you?"

I look at Faith and she looks at me.

 _We have to tell her._

Faith takes my hand and nods. We make our way to the couch and sit opposite her on the coffee table.

"Mom, you know that we care about you very much."

"We both love you."

 _We both love her?_

"Yes we both love you very much."

Mom just kinda looks at us for a second.

"Yes I do, I love you too girls."

"And we would never want to take anything from you or hurt you in any way."

 _Good point._

"No, we would never wanna do something like that."

I reach out and touch her hand, hoping I don't freak her out.

"What is it girls?"

"It's... it's about, Dawn. She, I, we..."

I look my mother in the eyes and I just can't do it.

 _I can't tell her that she doesn't have a daughter. Thank god for Faith._

"Dawn... she's the key."

Mom looks at both of us, disbelief on her face.

"What?"

I lower my eyes at the look on my mother's face.

"It's true, she's the key."

"But... how? How is this possible?"

"We don't know Mom, but we think it's true."

She stands up and moves away from the couch, away from us.

"But she's my little girl. How did this happen?"

"We don't know..."

"Okay then, what happened to make my daughter this key thing?"

"She always has been, Joyce."

"I'm sorry?"

I take a deep breath and force myself to look at my mother.

"Do you remember when I told you about the monk?"

"The one who told you about the key?"

"What I didn't tell you was that he told me what they made the key into. Or I should say... who they made the key into."

Mom looks upward to where Dawn's room would be if the walls weren't in the way. Then she looks at each of us separately.

"What aren't you telling me?"

I look at Faith who's already looking back at me and then we both turn to Mom again.

"I find it hard to believe that the two of you would receive news that unbelievable and simply accept it as the truth. There has to be more to it than that."

"There is... there were, other things that made us see that he was right."

"Other things?"

"It was something that he said about... us."

"Us?"

"Buffy and I, he said something about B and I."

"What is it?"

"The exact words he used were... our love brought her forth."

"Your love?"

"Yes..."

"But you haven't been in love for the last 14 years of Dawn's life. You only got together a few..."

She trails off as the truth of the statement she's making hits her.

"Almost a year now..."

She looks toward Dawn again and then back to us. She doesn't say anything.

"Ever since the monk told me that, I've felt this incredible bond to Dawn, we both have, though Faith didn't know why at first."

I look at Faith and she gives me this look like it's all right to continue.

"I've felt like I love Dawn more than a sister, and it's completely different from the way I love Faith. I feel like..."

Mom cuts me off.

"A mother..."

I lower my eyes again.

 _I feel like I'm trying to take Dawn away from her somehow._

"Yes..."

I can tell she's looking at me as the long silence drags on.

"So I guess that makes me a grandmother."

I look up at Mom and she has a smile on her face. My eyes move to look at Faith and I know she's thinking the same thing I am.

"You're okay with this?"

"I will be. Obviously it will take a while to get used to, she might not be my daughter in the strictest sense but she's still family and I love her all the same."

I smile at my mom.

 _I can't believe she's okay with this._

"You're really okay with this?"

She hugs me.

"Now that I know what you're keeping from Dawn I understand why you're doing it. It's what I would do in your shoes. It's what a mother would do."

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I don't even have to think as I grab Faith with one arm and pull her into the hug.

"I'm a little disappointed in you though."

I pull back to wonder what she means.

"Why?"

"Well I'm a grandmother at 42. I thought I taught you better than to get knocked up at such an early age."

"Hey!"

Faith takes a step back. She looks at Mom and then smiles at me.

"Who says it was Buffy who got knocked up?"

Mom just smiles at me.

"You're right, Buffy how could you take advantage of such an innocent young girl and get her pregnant?"

"Hey!"

We just look at each other and smile. After a while, the reality sets in.

 _What about Dawn?_

"What are we going to tell Dawn?"

Mom just rests her hand against my cheek.

"I'll just tell her I asked you two not to tell her because it's slayer related and I'm worried she might get hurt."

"You think that'll work Joyce?"

"It's what I usually tell her when something supernatural comes up. She'll be angry at me for a while but she'll be okay. I'm her mother after all. She can't stay angry at me forever."

She smiles at both of us.

"It's gonna be all right girls."

She hugs us again and I know she's right.

"I'll go see if I can coax Dawn out of her room."

"Okay..."

Mom heads up the stairs to talk to Dawn. I turn to Faith and all but jump into her arms. I hold her tight.

"I thought that was gonna be so much worse than it was."

"I know B, me too."

I pull back and kiss her softly.

"Thank you, for being with me in this."

"No problem B, Dawn's my responsibility too."

I kiss her, deeper and more passionately than a second ago.

 _God I love this woman._

"Damn right she is. I love you Faith."

"I love you too B."

She kisses me this time and I finally feel like maybe we can really be a happy family.

"Maybe we should make something for Dawn, as an apology?"

"Sure..."

We start to make our way to the kitchen when I notice there's a message on the answering machine.

"Wait, Faith..."

I hit the playback button.

"Hello Buffy and Faith, it's Giles. I felt the need to call you because I recently got word, The Council is on its way into town. They should be arriving in a day or two. Please call me back when you get a chance."

The answering machine beeps. I look at Faith.

"The Council's coming to town eh?"

"Well that can't be good."

"Definitely not..."

 **End of Chapter 49**


	50. The Council

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 50**

The Council

 **Faith's POV**

 _Well this is obviously a complete lack of fun._

I take B's hand in mine and give it a little squeeze as we wait for The Council to arrive. She gives me that worried smile she's been wearing ever since we talked about why The Council might be coming.

 _She's worried they somehow figured out Dawn's the key and are coming to take her away. But there's no way they could know, Dawn has records. She's got medical records, a birth certificate, school records, and an obsession with cute boys, everything a girl her age needs to prove she's real. There's no way the monks would've left a huge flashing neon sign somewhere saying 'BY THE WAY DAWN'S THE KEY', which is the only way The Council could find out about Dawn._

 _It doesn't stop her from worrying though, but that's okay. I'm really worried myself, and she knows why. The Council and I don't exactly have the best of history. Plus, whatever The Council has to say, it can't be good news. They don't usually bring good news, and they don't usually travel half way around the world to bring bad news. Whatever they have it's really bad and they want to be here to see the looks on our faces when we hear the news._

"Damn English people!"

We all look at Anya, especially Giles who's slightly pissed off at the comment.

"Anya honey, you shouldn't make comments like that with Giles around."

"Pfft! At least he's here, these council people don't even have the decency to show up on time. Now I know why British people are known for being snobby."

We all smile at that, even Giles.

"Yes, they can be rather pretentious at times."

"I'm sorry to hear you've lost your respect for us Rupert, especially since you used to be one of us."

We all turn to see some stupid guy in tweed walk through the magic shop's door, followed by a couple other British looking people dressed just as badly.

"Yes, well how shall I put this? You fired me. I can feel however I bloody well want."

"Gotta be The Council..."

"Quite right young lady, and who might you be?"

"I'm Anya, what's your name?"

"My name is Quentin Travers. It's very nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too."

Anya looks at Xander.

"Xander, you told me The Council were a bunch of stuffy old British people who act like they own the world. They seem nice."

The council guys all look at Xander. He just smiles at them.

"You have to get to know them first Anya. Once you do you'll realize they're a bunch of self righteous pricks."

 _Damn right B._

"Ms Summers, good to see you again."

"Can't say the same Quentin..."

"Yes well... how are you Faith?"

I just stare at him and cross my arms over my chest. He pretty much half smiles at me and then sits down in the chair across the table from us.

"Well I'm glad to see none of you have lost your... zest for life after everything you've been through, particularly you Ms Summers."

 _Okay now I'm saying something._

"Get to the point Travers so we can kick you out."

"Oh I don't think we will be going anywhere quite yet but I suppose I should get to the point."

 _What does he mean they won't be going anywhere?_

"We've discovered some information about this Glory you've encountered. Most of it is simply extremely disturbing, and some of it could prove useful, assuming you can survive long enough to use it."

 _Survive long enough? Who does he think he's dealing with?_

"This information is highly sensitive and we will not hand it over until we can be sure the information is safe."

"And exactly how are we supposed to prove that to you?"

"A review..."

 _A review?_

"It's an extensive check of your methods. We will also test your strength, speed, and ability to react under pressure."

 _Not a chance in hell._

Anya whispers really loudly to Xander.

"I see now what you mean about them thinking they own the world."

"There's no way I'm agreeing to such a stupid and pointless waste of time."

He grins at me and I really wanna wipe it off his face.

"If you refuse to accept the arrangement we will leave."

Xander speaks up at that statement.

"I'm sorry, maybe it's me but I'm failing to see the downside to these two options. Either you give us the information and go away or you just go away. The way I see it, it's a win-win sitch for us."

I smile at Travers.

"He's not wrong."

One of his not very intimidating cronies comes up next to him.

"We shall also arrange to have Mr. Giles deported within the day should you refuse."

 _What a load of crap._

"You can't do that."

"Oh I think you'll find that we can and we will. Now perhaps you are used to idle threats, but you're dealing with grown ups now and we are quite serious on this matter."

 _That son of a bitch!_

I stand up and slug him in the jaw, sending him to the floor. Before anyone can register their shock of that action I'm over the table and on top of him, knee in his stomach and my hands around his neck.

"You wanna deal in grownup threats? Fine! If any one of your little watcher pets so much as breathes wrong, I'll snap your neck."

"Faith what are you doing?"

I wave behind me with one hand at Buffy before putting it back around his neck.

"I'm being a grown up sweetie just give me a minute."

I press my thumb against his Adam's apple.

"Now... in case you haven't heard, I'm the most powerful slayer that ever lived. I killed the first original demon that also happened to be the most powerful. There's not a single thing, living or dead, on this planet that can take me. The only reason this demon chick Glory isn't a sticky paste on my shoes is because I only managed to get in one shot which sent her through a brick wall and then running for cover. So that's got me wondering, how much safer does this information have to be?"

His eyes go wide as I squeeze his neck a little bit and the air in his lungs has a harder time getting out.

"Faith?"

"Hold on a sec B, I think I'm getting through to him."

I press a little harder on his throat.

"You might be used to death threats coming by mail but I'd be willing to bet you're not much when it's staring you in the face."

I lean right up into him and put almost all my weight, but not enough to do any real damage, onto his neck and stare him in the eyes.

"Especially from someone you KNOW will make good on it."

He starts to cough and I take my hands off his neck, standing up seconds later. I grab his collar and pull him off the floor, dumping him back in his seat. I sit down on the edge of the table in front of him and put my foot against his crotch.

"Now, here's how the deal is gonna work. You're going to give us the information we need, and we won't be jumping through any of your hoops to get it, then you're gonna go away..."

One of the watchers tries to grow some balls by approaching me.

"This is intolerable, we will not be..."

I give him a hard, right cross to the face which sends him to the floor and shuts him up.

"I'm pretty sure this isn't a negotiation. Now, as I was saying... we're getting this information of yours and then you're gonna go away. If you find out any other info we might want, I expect a phone call on the subject to Giles, who you will be rehiring in order to accept those phone calls. I don't want to see you show up in this town unless either me or Buffy ask you to come. If any of the people we care about, which includes but is not limited to everyone in this room who isn't British or recently rehired by you, falls on hard times I'm going to start feeling as though it's your fault. Now..."

I press my foot full into his crotch.

"How does that deal strike you?"

He stares at me, trying not to look afraid despite the fact that I nearly killed him a few seconds ago, but I can tell he is.

 _I'm betting everyone else in the room can tell too._

"I believe your terms to be acceptable."

"Good..."

I reach out and fix his collar and tie.

"So let's talk about Glory shall we?"

 **End of Chapter 50**


	51. Big secret, bigger problem

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 51**

Big secret, bigger problem

 **Author's Note:** I want to thank everyone for supporting my work over the past year. It's been awesome to have you following and reviewing and just quietly reading however you've done it. This may or may not be the last chapter until 2018. Whether I'll actually be able to do it next week, I'll be back in 2018 some time with more stuff.

 **Buffy's POV**

I moan as I pull my lips from hers to look her in the eyes. She smiles as her hand slides down my side and rests on my hip. I shift on the living room couch and push her hair back behind her ears.

 _I can't believe she did that._

I lick my lips and smile as I lean in to make out with her some more. Our lips meet and it's like my whole body is set on fire. Our making out deepens almost instantly.

 _I can't believe she did what she did. It means a lot to me that she did it but doesn't make it easier to accept._

I kinda chuckle at the thought and she pulls away.

"What?"

"I'm sorry it's just... I'm still, I wanted to thank you."

She kinda looks at me funny.

"For what? Making out with you?"

"No, for what you did, with The Council before."

She smiles and I can't help but wonder why I would ever keep anything from her.

"You already thanked me B. Kinda how we got to the making out isn't it?"

"Yeah, but I'm still grateful. What you did for Dawn was, just amazing. I don't know that I could've done something like that. I act all tough around them but the truth is The Council kinda scares me. I guess you don't have that problem."

Her hand comes up and cradles my cheek.

"Doesn't mean you wouldn't have done the same B, to protect Dawn and keep our family together I believe you'd do anything."

 _Our family? She said our family._

I get this huge grin on my face.

"What?"

"You said 'our family'."

She's about to say something to that but I lean forward, putting all my weight on her to pin her down on the couch. I press my body full against hers and kiss her deep. When I finally come up for air she just smiles at me.

"I thought we were gonna try and slow things down a bit, wasn't that the plan? Especially with the whole impending doom thing..."

"We are slowing down sweetie we're just taking our time in doing it."

I kiss her deep, but not quite as deeply as I did a second ago.

"See? Things are slowing down already."

"If you say so B, doom and all..."

My smile all but vanishes at the worry on her face.

"We'll figure it out Faith, we always do. Giles has all the books The Council left with him at the magic box to find whatever it is they missed, because you know they missed something. We'll figure it out and then we'll stop it. We're the Chosen Two. it's our job to stop things like this."

"Yeah but this time is different."

"Why?"

"Well because of..."

Her head turns suddenly to look across the room.

"Dawn..."

 _Dawn?_

I look in the direction Faith is and Dawn is standing about 10 feet away with an upset look on her face. Seconds later I pull myself off of Faith and we both move to a sitting position, fixing up a bit as we do.

"Dawn, how... how long have you been standing there?"

"Does it matter?"

I look at Faith and we both look at Dawn.

"What's wrong kid?"

"Nothing, I'm sorry I interrupted the make out session."

She goes to leave and I stand up, doing up the button on my pants as I do.

"Dawn, come on... you can talk to us."

"Right..."

Faith comes up to me.

"Seriously kid if there's anything you want to talk about we're here for you."

"Uh-hun..."

 _She hasn't turned around._

"Dawn, would you mind turning around?"

She lets out a deep sigh before turning around.

"What is it?"

"You tell us."

"Whatever the problem is, we want to help."

She tilts her head to one side slightly and crosses her arms over her chest.

"And what if my problem is you?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, what if my problem is you two? Are you still gonna help?"

I look to Faith and she fake coughs, tilting her head to the couch.

"Dawn if our making out on the couch bothers you, we could do it somewhere else... or stop, we could stop if it bothers you that much."

She rolls her eyes at us.

"What?"

"You really think that's my problem?"

"We don't know what the problem is kid, that's why we're asking. But if you don't tell us what we did wrong then we'll probably do it again."

"Nothing's wrong."

"Then why did you say we were the problem?"

"Did something happen at school? Would you like me to beat someone up for ya kid? Cause I can if you want."

"Faith!"

"What? School sucks, you of all people should know that."

"God why can't you just listen to me when I say nothing's wrong?"

We both look at Dawn for a second before answering.

"Because the way you're acting says different."

"The way I'm acting? God, are you trying to be Mom or something?"

"No I... I just want to help."

"Well I don't want your help. Just leave me the hell alone."

She turns away and heads upstairs to her room. The door slams shut.

"She still thinks we're keeping something from her."

"We are keeping something from her B."

I take a deep breath and turn to Faith, taking her hands in mine.

"What are we gonna do?"

There's a long silence between us.

"Maybe we should tell her."

 _Tell her?_

"You think we should tell her?"

"You don't?"

"Well, of course we should you know, tell her but... I mean, how do we even start a conversation like this? We can't just say 'Hey Dawn, you know how you didn't want us acting like your parents? Well we actually are your parents.' She'd freak out, even if she didn't believe us. I was kinda hoping we could wait till she was a little older, more mature even."

"Glory won't wait till she's older if she finds out who Dawn is. And we have to tell her something B. It really kills me to see her angry at us like this. I'm starting to think maybe the only way to start to make things better is to tell her."

I look Faith in the eyes.

"Are we really ready to deal with something like this? Is she?"

"We won't know until we try B. Besides you heard what Dawn said, she'll figure it out whether we want her to or not. I think it'll hurt less if we tell her ourselves."

"What about us?"

"What about us B?"

"Things aren't exactly perfect between us. What if our own issues come out while we're trying to help Dawn?"

"They won't."

"How do you know?"

"Because this wouldn't be about us B, this would be about Dawn. We made a promise to each other that we would help Dawn through this if and when it did happen and we have to keep that promise no matter what."

I pull her to me and put my arms around her.

"I will keep that promise Faith. I'm just worried about hurting Dawn, or us."

Her hands come up to my face and we look deep into each other's eyes. She presses her lips to mine ever so gently.

"I am too B, I am too. We should talk to your mom when she gets home. I'm sure she'd want to be with us in this."

"Okay..."

 _I just hope Dawn can forgive us for this._

 **Dawn's POV**

 _They know something. They all know something and they won't tell me what it is. Normally when they know something I don't it's okay because it's slayer-related and sometimes I don't want to know the stuff they do tell me, but this is different. This is totally and completely different because it's about me and they won't tell me what's wrong with me._

I grab one of my STUPID stuffed animals and throw it against the wall as hard as I can.

 _They keep telling me that it's nothing. They keep telling me I'm reading way too much into things that have nothing to do with me. If it has nothing to do with me then why does it keep happening when I'm around? Why is it that it always seems to be about me somehow? First my name kept coming up when the two of them were fighting so much. Then after Buffy gets rescued, Faith started looking at me weird. It was really creepy the way I kept catching her staring at me. Why the hell does she keep doing that? What is it about me that's so wrong?_

I stop pacing around my room and punch my bed as hard as I can.

 _Then comes the conversations about me that don't happen, the way things are always ending on something about me that I don't understand. What the hell does Faith not being blood related have to do with me, or the fact that I'm separate from the world? 'We'll save the world and me?' What the hell does that mean? They know I know there's something they don't want me to know and they still won't tell me._

 _I have a right to know what it is, don't I? I mean if it's about me then I would think it would be important for me to know. But I guess they don't think so. God I really want to smash something. What do I have to do to make them tell me? Maybe I should jump off the roof or something. Maybe that will make them tell me. I really don't care if it kills me. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Faith said that this apocalypse was different somehow because of me. I heard them talking about Giles and his pile of important books at the magic box, they probably talk about this apocalypse. I should go there when no one's around and find out why they're so important._

 **End of Chapter 51**


	52. Secret

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 52**

Secret

 **Author's Note:** New Year, new chapters. Thanks to everyone who is sticking around. We're coming up on the end game for this story. And all I will say is that... it's quite the ending.

 **Spike's POV**

 _I wonder if she's home._

I try and look in the windows from my position 20 feet away but the curtains are all up.

 _I've been trying to keep away from this house for a while now, after the resurrection spell I figured there'd be bad mojo wherever the slayers went, and I'm pretty sure I was right. I don't know any of the specifics exactly, just some rumors I heard from the demons I play poker with when I get bored of killing them._

 _Something about a big bad evil rising up to open a door with a key or something and something about a giant snake, I really shouldn't get so bloody drunk when I'm playing for kittens. I never win and there's always the migraine in the morning. Ah well, at least no one can say I haven't had any fun._

I get a little closer to the house as I hear a noise.

 _Of course now I'm wondering if she's all right._

There's another noise and I can tell it's coming from behind the house. My curiosity gets the better of me and I make my way quietly around to the back of the house. I only get about half way though before the niblit runs into me, knocking her down.

"Dawn, what the bloody hell are you doing out here so late?"

She gets up and starts walking away from the house.

"Stay away from me Spike."

 _Well that can't be good._

I start to walk after her.

"You all right there niblit?"

"Leave me alone."

I stop to get her attention.

"Right then, I'll just head on up to the house and tell big sis you've scampered off."

That makes her stop and turn around.

"Don't Spike..."

She comes right up to me and grabs me by the coat.

"Don't you, dare."

"Well then, you should probably tell me what you're up to and maybe I won't."

She stares me right in the eyes.

 _What is going on with this bird?_

"They're lying to me."

 _Lying to her?_

She lets go of my coat and starts walking again.

"Lying to you about what?"

I go after her when she doesn't stop.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

 _She shouldn't be out here at night like this, some baddy could snatch her up right quick._

I look back at the Summers house as we get out of range.

 _I know she'd hate me even more if I didn't try and protect the kid._

I go back to watching Dawn motor it to wherever she's off to.

 _Plus there's obviously something going on with the pint-size Summers girl, could get her into heaps of trouble if she isn't careful. I'm guessing that being careful ain't on her mind right now. She needs someone to look out for her and I guess I'm the elected party, what with her apparent aversion to the people in the house she just snuck out of._

"So where exactly are we heading niblit?"

"We're not heading anywhere, I'm going somewhere and you're stalking me. And don't call me niblit."

"I'm not stalking you. I'm following you to make sure you don't get eaten. There's a difference."

"I don't need anyone's help."

"I'll have them put that on your tombstone if you like."

She doesn't say anything as she slows down a bit.

"If you want to break into the magic box with me then come with me."

"Magic box eh? Whatcha going there for?"

"Giles owns it now."

 _When did that happen?_

"Stealing from daddy isn't very nice kid."

"I don't really care, besides I'm not gonna steal anything."

 _Not gonna steal anything?_

"Then why the bloody hell, are you breaking in?"

"I told you, they're lying to me."

"And what are they lying to you about?"

"I don't know."

"Then how do you know they're lying to you?"

"I just do."

We make our way into the downtown area, a couple blocks from where we're apparently headed.

"And you think whatever's at the magic shop is gonna tell you what they aren't?"

"That's the plan."

"And what makes you think there's anything worth a damn in there that will tell you what you need to know?"

"I don't know that it will, but I don't know that it won't and that's why I'm going."

"That doesn't sound like much of a plan little bit."

"It's the only plan I have, they haven't really given me any other choice."

 _She seems a little fuzzy on the details._

The magic box comes into view.

"How exactly do you plan on getting in there? I'm pretty sure they don't teach breaking and entering in school little one."

She doesn't respond as we walk up to the front door. She crouches down and pulls a nail file out of her pocket, using it to try and pick the lock.

"Do you even know what you're doing?"

"No, but I'll break the window if I have to."

I look around to see if anyone's watching.

 _I can't see anyone, and there aren't any cop cars around as near as I can tell._

"Aren't you worried about the coppers?"

"I don't care about the police."

 _Whatever it is, it must be pretty important if she won't care about the police catching her._

She pulls the nail file out of the lock.

"Damn it!"

"No luck?"

"Actually I only say damn it when I'm happy."

"I could give it a try if ya like."

She stands up and shoves the nail file at me, pointy end first. I grab her hand and take it from her.

 _Bloody hell, if I didn't know better I'd say she just tried to stab me._

She steps out of the way of the door and glares at me.

"Well?"

 _What the heck did the slayers do to the kid?_

I crouch down to pick the lock.

 _She's gone completely off her rocker about this secret she thinks they're not telling her._

"Did you get it yet?"

"Hold on, it takes more than 30 seconds to pick a lock niblit."

 _Ow!_

She kicks me pretty hard just above the ankle.

"I told you not to call me that. Hurry up!"

"I'm hurrying..."

It takes me another 30 seconds or so but I finally hear the click that unlocks it. I turn the handle and open the door. She shoves me to the ground.

"Out of my way!"

 _Bloody hell..._

I pick myself up and go inside. Dawn is already heading for the nearest bookcase.

"Don't I even get a thank you?"

She starts pulling books off the shelves, looking at the covers and then dropping them on the floor.

 _I guess I don't._

"All right then..."

I make my way into the shop, looking at the shelves.

"So what are we looking for?"

She doesn't stop looking as she speaks.

"A book..."

 _A book?_

"What makes you think whatever you want to know is in this book?"

"Because..."

"Because why?"

 _She's been through like two and a half shelves already. This girl is insanely serious about finding the book. I'd hate to see what happens if she doesn't find what she's looking for._

I walk over to a big round table with a bunch of books on them.

"Because Buffy tells Giles everything, she told me so one time, which means Giles wrote it down somewhere and that means there's a book or a diary or something somewhere that can tell me what I want to know."

"Well Giles does love his books, bloody wanker."

I pick up a book and notice there's no title or anything.

 _How the hell does he know which book is which if it's not labeled?_

I open the book to the inside cover, and there in Giles' hand writing is Dawn's name.

 _What the hell does Giles have a book with Dawn's name on it for?_

I flip through to the first page of what looks like a journal entry.

'September 28th 1998,

On this day I met Buffy's little sister, Dawn Summers. She's quite the peculiar child. She exhibits many strange characteristics which I was only slightly prepared for based on Buffy's...'

 _This could be what the kid is after. If Giles keeps a journal about Dawn then any secrets would probably be in here._

"Hey niblit, look at this."

She turns to me and I hold up the book.

"What is it?"

"It's a journal about you."

She comes over and grabs the book out of my hand, immediately looking through it.

"Why does Giles keep a journal about me?"

"I don't know kid, could have something to do with the secret you think they're keeping from you. Or it could be that Giles is just a closet pedophile who has a thing for you."

She glares at me.

"What? It's possible."

She goes back to flipping through the journal.

"It would have to be something pretty recent. They didn't start acting nuts until a few weeks ago."

"The slayers have always been nuts kidlet."

She flips through the blank pages and finds the last entry.

"Look through the other books."

 _Was that an order?_

"Hey kid, I'm here to protect you, not be your whipping boy."

"Fine go away, either way just shut up and let me read."

 _Bugger, this girl's really got a screw lose._

I start walking around the table, looking at some of the book covers.

"Give a girl what she wants and still she..."

"What?"

"I was just saying, give a girl..."

"This, this can't be... true."

I look at her from across the table.

"What are you on about?"

"How could they not tell me?"

She looks up at me with angry tears.

 _I'm guessing she found out something she didn't want to know._

She throws the book across the table, grabs the edge and tips the table over in my direction. I back away as all the book fall off.

"They should've told me!"

I look at her once I get my footing.

"I see that."

She turns and starts heading to the door. I make my way around the mess and go after her.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Get away from me Spike!"

I catch up to her at the end of the cash counter and grab her to stop her.

"What's going on? Little bit? What did you find out?"

All of the sudden she picks up something off the counter and a sharp pain slices into my gut. I look down and she's got a knife buried in me. My eyes meet hers as she pulls it out and her expression doesn't change from that hurt angry look.

I grab the wound and fall to one knee as she turns and leaves, knife in hand.

 _What the bloody hell is wrong with that girl?_

 **Faith's POV**

"You're right. It's the only way we can fix this situation. It could even be the only way to let her work through her anger at the two of you."

Buffy squeezes my hands as we listen to her mother speak about how to help Dawn.

"I just wish we knew how she'd react. My first instinct is to say she'll be angry, but how angry and what she will do about it, that's what worries me."

"We'll just have to show her we love her no matter where she came from. She's with us now and that's all that makes any difference."

I look at B, lean over and kiss her once on the lips.

"I love you B."

"I love you too."

 **End of Chapter 52**


	53. Blood Lies

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 53**

Blood lies

 **Author's Notes:** As I've said in the past, I'm not big on trigger warnings, but there's very little happy things that you're going to read in these chapters.

 **Dawn's POV**

 _They should've told me._

I wipe the tears from my eyes before starting to climb up the side of the house to my bedroom window.

 _They should've told me but they didn't. How could they not tell me? They should've told me I wasn't real. That I was just some key the monks made into a pathetic little girl. Why didn't they tell me I wasn't real? Didn't they want me to know? Don't I deserve to know?_

I look up at my window as I get about half way up and I have to wipe the tears from my eyes again.

 _Of course not, I'm just a stupid key. I don't really matter. I'm not worth..._

My hand slips and I nearly drop the knife in it, and obviously almost fall too. I start to climb the rest of the way up.

 _It's almost a shame I didn't fall, at least that would've taught them a lesson. They would've found me lying on the ground, every bone in my body broken, probably dead. That would teach them to keep something like this from me._

I reach the top and climb in my window to my fake room.

 _That would make them sorry they ever lied to me._

As soon as I'm inside I head straight for the door and then the stairs, knife in hand.

 _They're gonna wish they never did this to me._

I stop just inside the living room and I see them sitting there like everything's fine. Every part of me feels like screaming.

"How could you not tell me?"

The three of them look at me and I just really want to hurt them.

"HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?"

"Dawn?"

"You didn't think I was important enough? Is that it? I guess since I'm not real then I don't really matter do I?"

They get up to face me.

"Dawn, what are you talking about?"

I point the knife at Buffy.

"DON'T! Don't play stupid! You've been playing stupid all along, trying to make me think there was nothing going on. But there was something going on, and I knew there was something but you wouldn't tell me. You can't keep it from me anymore. None of you can, because I know now. I know the truth and you can't do anything about it. I know that I'm just a stupid key and my feelings don't really matter."

"That's not true."

"It is. It is true because if I was real then you would've told me the truth. You never would've lied to me."

Faith steps forward and I shove the knife at her, making her back off.

"Dawn, just put down the knife and we can talk about this."

I look down at the knife in my hand.

"Why? It's not like anything I do will ever matter."

I step forward and swing the knife, cutting the air.

"How do you even know I'm really holding it? Maybe you just think I am because it's what the monks want you to think. Did you think of that? I could do anything with this knife and it wouldn't really matter because nothing I do really matters."

Faith tries to come at me again and I swing at her.

"Dawn, calm down..."

I swipe at her again.

"SHUT UP! Just because you think you're my mother doesn't mean you can tell me what to do. I don't have a mother, I don't have ANYONE! I hate you!"

Buffy and Joyce stand next to her.

"I hate all of you!"

I attack Faith with the knife but she moves so fast the knife is out of my hands before I know it. She grabs me and puts her arms around me, my arms bent, trapped between us. She holds me tight and I just want to hurt her even more.

"Dawn, please..."

"No..."

I try and push her away.

"No, don't touch me."

I push her away harder.

"Let me go, don't touch me."

I push harder and she lets me go. I hit her with the palms of my fists.

"I hate you! I hate all of you!"

I hit her again and again as hard as I can, my eyes welling up.

"You should've told me!"

My knees go weak and I fall to the floor.

"You should've told me... why didn't you tell me?"

They don't say anything so I look up at them through my blurry eyes.

"Don't I mean anything to you?"

Joyce kneels down next to me.

"Of course you mean something to us sweetie, we love you."

I scoff at that, looking away.

"You can't love something that isn't real."

The two of them kneel down with her.

"You're real enough to us Dawn. You're real enough for us to love you. You're real enough for us not to care where you came from or how you got here."

"Dawn, maybe this isn't what you want to hear right now, but you are our daughter. We love you."

"Yeah, I'm a daughter who was lied to for my whole life..."

Buffy reaches out to touch me and I push her hand away.

"All three months of it..."

They don't say anything.

 _That's okay. They don't have to talk to something that isn't real._

"You should've told me."

"We know Dawnie, we're so sorry..."

 _I can't stand looking at these people anymore._

I stand up and back away.

"You should've told me."

"You're right, and we were going to tell you. That's what we were talking about when you came in just now. We were figuring out the best way to tell you."

"Maybe you should've talked about it earlier then eh? Maybe you should've been more honest with me instead of making me go nuts knowing there was something wrong with me but not knowing what it was."

"There's nothing wrong with you kid."

"I DON'T EXIST! What's RIGHT about THAT?"

Faith and Buffy try to approach me but I just back away even more.

"You do exist Dawn, you exist to us."

"No, I don't. You just want me to exist so I can be your DAUGHTER! Well guess what? I don't want to be your daughter. I don't want to be anyone's daughter. I just want to go back to not existing."

They try to come up to me.

"NO! Just LEAVE ME... ALONE!"

I turn and walk away, heading back to my room. I almost run into Spike on my way to the stairs. I make it up the stairs and they don't follow. I slam the door to my FAKE room and grab my hair, pulling on it to rip it out. I look around.

 _It's all fake, all of it. None of it really happened. None of it really matters because I don't really exist._

I grab the fake sheets and pull them off the fake bed and on to the fake floor of my fake room.

 _They should have told me the truth._

I take all the stuffed animals and pillows and throw them all over the place. I don't care where I just want to throw something.

 _But they didn't want to lose their PRECIOUS DAUGHTER. They knew that the second I found out the truth that they'd lose me, that I'd hate them for keeping this from me and they were right. That's exactly what happened. I HATE them. I hate them with every part of what I am._

I sit down on my bed and hug my knees.

 _How could they do this to me? How could they think it was okay to keep something like this from me? I don't care how, they did it and that's all that matters._

I kick my nightstand over just because I wanna destroy something. It hits the floor and some of my fake stuff falls out... IT falls out. I stare at the little black box I've been hiding.

 _I wanted them to have that. I wanted them to use it to be happy._

I get off my bed and walk over to it on my knees. I pick it up and open it, staring at what's inside.

 _I made Mom buy it for them so they could be happy. But I don't want them to make it through this. I don't want them to be happy anymore. I want them to hurt, I want them to suffer and feel every bit as bad as I feel right now. I want..._

I snap the box closed and throw it as hard as I can.

 _I just want to die._

The glass on my poster frame cracks as the box hits it. I stare at the cracks in the glass, at the cracks in my life.

 _It looks exactly like my life, broken, cracked, shattered. Except it's not my life._

I stand up and walk over to the poster, staring at the broken glass.

 _I'm not even real. I don't really matter. I'm just a key the monks made so Glory couldn't find me._

I take the frame off the wall and drop it on the floor glass first, breaking it completely.

 _Glory wants her precious key._

I kick the frame out of the way to get to the broken glass, picking up a piece.

 _THEY want their PRECIOUS daughter._

I walk over to my bed, rolling up my sleeves as I sit on it.

 _Well they aren't going to get either._

I turn the piece of glass so one of the edges is at the right angle, putting it against my wrist. I bite my lip as I start cutting.

 _Fuck every last one of them._

 **End of Chapter 53**


	54. From bad to worse

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 54**

From bad to worse

 **Buffy's POV**

"I just want to go back to not existing."

 _Oh my god what have we done?_

I have no idea what to do next so I take a step forward, so does Faith.

"NO! Just LEAVE ME... ALONE!"

She turns and leaves, heading up the stairs.

"Dawn! Dawn please!"

I go after her but stop at the bottom of the stairs.

 _What the hell am I doing? She said to leave her alone and I'm just gonna go after her. I'd only make things worse._

I close my eyes as I feel like I'm going to cry. I feel Faith's gentle hand against mine and I look behind me. We just stare into each other's eyes for a second before I turn to her and wrap my arms around her mid-section, holding her close.

"What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know B. We really screwed up royally."

Mom comes up to us.

"I think maybe we just need to give her some time to deal with this."

"Yeah that'll work..."

I pull away from Faith and see Spike standing in the door holding his badly bandaged mid-section.

"What are you doing here Spike?"

He pulls his hand away from his side to reveal a bloody patch in his makeshift bandage.

"I just stopped by for a quick stabbing from your little psychotic there and then I'm off."

 _Dawn stabbed Spike?_

Faith and I pull apart as we both wonder what Spike did.

"What did you do?"

"Me? I didn't do anything."

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?"

 _I find it hard to believe myself._

"It's the truth."

"Dawn wouldn't just stab someone for no reason, not even you Spike."

"Maybe not under normal circumstances, but since she did I'm guessing she's not using all her marbles."

"What do you know?"

"Nothing, I was just along for the ride..."

He looks at Faith and smiles.

"I have a history of that with you people."

 _What's that supposed to mean?_

Faith walks up to him and shoves him against the edge of the door frame, making him groan with pain.

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"Ow, god... I know you like it rough pet but I'm not exactly in perfect form at the moment."

"What are you talking about Spike?"

Faith hits Spike with a right cross.

"Shut up Spike..."

 _What the hell is going on?_

Spike smiles at Faith and it's really starting to get creepy.

"What? You didn't tell her?"

He gets punched in his gut wound by Faith.

"I told you to shut up. You're not going to get away with whatever you did to Dawn by changing the subject. What did you do to her?"

 _I'm actually interested in both subjects._

"I told you, I didn't..."

She hits him again, grabs him and throws him out the front door. I go up to Faith.

"What are you doing?"

"He did something to Dawn B."

"So you're going to beat him till he can't speak? That's gonna make things better?"

"Might not make everything better but it'll probably make me feel better."

She walks out onto the porch and stands over him. She picks him up and punches him hard, then throws him out on to the front lawn.

 _What is going on with Faith and Spike? Did something happen that I don't know about?_

I walk out onto the porch and down to the front lawn with Faith.

"Bugger! Didn't you see the gaping hole in my stomach?"

"Yes actually, I did."

Faith steps on the bloody part of his bandage and presses hard, making him groan in pain and grab the foot. He tries his best to pull her foot off but she just applies more pressure.

"What did you do to Dawn?"

"God, I told you, nothing... I was just there..."

She pushes down on his stomach more, making him shut up. I turn to her.

"Faith, stop it."

"Why? It won't kill him."

"No but it might make him pass out, and besides you won't even let him finish a sentence. We can't know that he's lying to us until he actually finishes doing it."

She looks down at him and I could swear the look on Faith's face makes me think she's afraid of what he's gonna say, just for a second though. She takes her foot off him. I look down at him.

"Talk!"

He takes a second to breathe.

"You really know how to sweet talk a guy, don't you? No wonder you're gay."

I give him a slightly slayer powered kick to the gut and I'm pretty sure he has internal as well as external bleeding because he coughs up blood.

"What happened with Dawn?"

"Like I said... I was just along for the... ride."

"The ride?"

"The ride where?"

"The kid was looking to... take a mid, midnight stroll..."

He coughs a few more times.

"I figured she'd... be safer with me looking over her shoulder..."

"Why you? Why couldn't you just go and get one of us?"

"She wasn't, going to stop long... enough to let me, and in this town, the monsters will grab you three, feet from your door... I had to make sure that, didn't happen..."

"Why?"

He looks directly at Faith for just long enough for me to notice.

"Because as mad as you are, I'm betting you ain't gonna stake me for trying to protect the kid. Whereas... if I had let her go on her, her merry way by her... lonesome, you probably would've s-staked, me the second I told, you..."

 _He's right... we can't stake him for protecting Dawn._

"Well you bet wrong tonight Spike-y. I'll hold him down while you get the stake okay B?"

"Faith?"

"Don't worry B, I got him."

"Faith I'm not gonna kill him."

"Okay I'll kill him just go get the stake."

 _Is there some reason she'd rather not get the stake herself?_

"We can't kill him Faith, he hasn't done anything wrong. He tried to protect Dawn."

"The same Dawn who's upstairs crying her eyes out and wishing she didn't exist?"

"We both know why she's crying and it's not his fault, it's ours."

"He should've done a better job protecting her. She never should've found out the truth that way."

"The truth about what?"

We both look down at the beaten and broken vamp below us. Faith kicks him in the head.

"Shut up!"

He shuts up.

"See, Faith? He doesn't even know what the problem is. He couldn't protect her from what she found out."

"How do we know? He's a vampire, lying is almost as natural to him as drinking blood. He could've found out the truth and been leading her into a trap."

"You're grasping at straws Faith. We can't kill him for helping Dawn."

"You mean helping to ruin Dawn's life?"

"Faith..."

She just looks at me for a second.

"Fine, I'll get the stake myself."

She heads back towards the house but I grab her arm to stop her.

"Faith, don't..."

"Why not? He's just vampire, and a flaccid one at that."

Spike coughs up a lung.

"That's not, what you said... before..."

 _Before?_

I turn and look down at him.

"Before what Spike?"

"It's nothing B."

"The time before... when she shagged me..."

 _Shagged? What?_

"She said she was surprised I, I kept up with her, thrust for thrust..."

"You SON OF A BITCH!"

She goes up to him and kicks him square in the temple, knocking him out.

"Faith?"

"We need to check on Dawn."

She starts back to the house.

 _Did Faith sleep with Spike?_

I go after her, grabbing her to make her face me.

"What was he talking about?"

"It's nothing..."

"It sure sounded like something to me."

There's a long pause between us and for a second I really don't want to ask this question.

"Did you sleep with Spike?"

Another long pause and I feel like my heart is going to shatter if she answers.

"No... but I fucked him."

"What?"

She moves to go inside again but my hand is still on her arm so I stop her.

"You had sex with Spike?"

Faith looks right at me, deep into my eyes.

"Yes, I did."

 _She had sex with Spike?_

"Why?"

"Buffy we've got bigger problems right now then who I've fucked."

"Not if it's a vampire named Spike we don't. How could you?"

"How could I what, fuck Spike?"

I don't say anything.

"You know, you may not be the most experienced person I've ever been with but I'd be willing to bet you know exactly how to have sex with a vampire."

I can feel the tears in my eyes.

"So he was better than me? That's why you did it? He can give you something I can't?"

"No, that's not it. He doesn't have anything I want."

"Then why? Why would you sleep...?"

I point behind me at a still unconscious Spike.

"With that?"

"Because he was there B, because he was there and you weren't..."

 _I wasn't there?_

"When? When was I not there?"

"When you were dead, that's when. You were dead and I, I needed to feel something other than heart broken and he was just... there."

"So you had to do it, like Mount Everest."

"You know what? Fuck you B!"

"Don't you mean fuck HIM?"

She looks at me, tears in her eyes, anger behind them.

"Is that what this is about? You think I cheated on you?"

"Didn't you?"

"You were dead, B. Dead, buried and decomposing. Usually when two people get involved and one of them dies the other moves on, and I tried. I tried to live with the fact that you were gone. I tried to move on and live the life that we had started to build together. But everywhere I looked all I could think about was everything that we could've had, the life we could've lived."

 _God I had no idea._

"And I hated you for that. I've never had the perfect life B. I've never had the friends and the mom or any of that. But the morning after we made love for the first time, the morning I told you I loved you and knew that I really meant it, I felt like I had it. It felt like I had the perfect life. And then you had to give your life for mine and I fell apart. I hated you for it. I hated you for loving me. I hated myself for loving you, but most of all I hated you for giving me the greatest gift in the world... a reason to live. You gave me a reason to see tomorrow and then took tomorrow from me. If you hadn't already been dead, I probably would've killed you for that. So, yeah I fucked Spike to try and make the pain of loving you stop. If you wanna yell and scream and feel betrayed, you go ahead. I'm going to go help our daughter."

She turns and goes back into the house.

 _What have I done?_

I follow after her, putting myself between her and the stairs.

"Faith, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that. I was just... with everything that's going on I, I wasn't thinking."

"And now you are?"

"Yes and... and it was just shock. I never should've said what I did, and I know you'd never cheat on me unless I was dead. I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry."

I put my arms around her and hold her against me.

"I was just looking for a way to let you go B."

"I know, just like I wanted to in heaven."

We just hold each other for a minute until she pulls back enough to look at me.

"I guess we're just too much in love to be separated by simple death."

I smile at her and wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Well I meant it when I said I'd love you till the day I die and after."

She just smiles at that and I bite my bottom lip gently as I feel myself start to cry again.

"I'm sorry..."

She reaches up and cradles my face, placing a kiss on my lips, calming me.

"It's all right B. If I had found out that you had sex with Spike, I might've reacted the same way."

"You think?"

"Probably..."

We both take another moment to just look at each other.

 _It's all going to be all right. We just have to help Dawn through this and it'll all be okay._

I take a step back from Faith.

"We have to check on Dawn."

"We really should."

My eyes catch the empty living room where Mom was. I look around.

"Mom?"

"What's wrong?"

Mom calls from upstairs.

"GIRLS! Come quick!"

We look at each other as a sudden panic hits us. We bolt up the stairs, skipping more than a few steps.

 _Oh god, what if Glory got to Dawn?_

Once we're on the second floor we head straight to Dawn's open door.

"Mom, what is...?"

And then I see Dawn lying motionless on her bed, her sheets red with blood where her cloth covered wrists are.

 _Oh my god!_

"Dawn!"

I rush to her side to help as Faith does the same. We take over for Mom, each of us applying pressure to a wrist as she focuses on the phone on her ear.

"Yes hello, I need an ambulance here now."

 _Dawnie..._

 **End of Chapter 54**


	55. Uncertainty

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 55**

Uncertainty

 **Faith's POV**

 _She's gotta be okay, oh god she's gotta be okay._

I look to my right at Joyce and Buffy sitting next to me in the hospital hallway.

 _She has to be all right. I love her so much. I love her just as much as I love Buffy, maybe more, I can't lose her. She's, she's family... real family. The kind of family I've never really known before. Then again I've never really thought about the idea of having a daughter, not until Buffy told me the truth about her sister. Dawn doesn't see us as her parents though, she wouldn't have reacted the way she did if she felt that way about us._

I let my head drop into my hands.

 _She may never look at us that way. We just have to give her the time to come to terms with this, maybe even accept it, like Joyce said... and hope. We can't force her to be okay with this. We can't force her to love us the way we want her to love us. I'd be happy if she just learned to accept that even though she's this key thing it still feels like she's been with us since day one, and that's all that matters._

I let out a deep sigh.

 _I just wish they'd let us see her._

"You okay there honey?"

I comb my fingers through my hair before looking over at B and her loving concern.

"Yeah, I think so I just, wish they'd let us see her. I need to see her to know she's okay."

"I know Faith, I know. It's killing me that the doctors won't tell us anything."

I feel Joyce's comforting hand against my back.

"Child services probably told the doctors not to say anything until they spoke with Dawn themselves. They want to make sure that the reason she did this is because we haven't abused her in any way."

 _God, child services... that was not fun..._

"They're not going to take Dawn away are they?"

"I don't know Buffy. If they decide that what Dawn did is somehow our fault, then maybe, but it was Dawn's decision to do what she did and they have to take that into consideration."

I take a deep breath.

"It is our fault. We should've been more honest with her about... who she really is, where she really came from."

"There's no way we could've known she would've gone as far as she did to find the truth, or what she did after she found out. All we can do now is try and deal with the consequences."

 _Consequences like Dawn hating us for the rest of her life._

My hands run themselves through my hair, gripping the back of my neck.

"Some parents we turned out to be eh? She's been with us for all of three months and already we've driven her to attempted suicide."

"Faith..."

"I don't know, maybe child services should take her from us. At least they couldn't screw her up any worse than we have. Not to mention they could keep her off Glory's radar."

"They wouldn't even know where to begin to help her."

"And we do? Just waiting and seeing might not work. She could hate us for the rest of her life. She could do something worse."

"But at least we know what the problem is, if Dawn told a psychologist the truth they'd think she was crazy and lock her up. We know she's not crazy so we can really deal with it."

"I know B, I'm just, really worried about her is all."

Buffy gets off her chair and comes over, kneeling in front of me.

"We're not gonna lose her baby. We'll do whatever it takes to help her through this, and keep her safe."

She takes my hands in hers and kisses the knuckles before placing them against her heart.

"Remember?"

I squeeze her hands.

"I remember..."

I stare into Buffy's eyes and she stares right back. Our friends come down the hall towards us. Buffy gives my hands a quick squeeze before standing up to meet them and I do the same.

"Buffy, Faith, we came as soon as we got your message."

Xander comes straight up to Buffy and gives her a hug.

"Yes we were all really upset to hear the news of what Dawn tried to do and even though we have no idea why she did such an insane thing we were still deeply saddened by this terrible news. Xander almost cried he was so upset."

There's a brief moment of silence while we wait to see if Anya has anything else to say.

"Has there been any news?"

"Not yet Giles, all they've told us is that they stabilized her condition enough so that she won't die. That's all they'll say. They won't even tell us when she'll wake up, she could be awake right now and we wouldn't know it."

Buffy's hand finds mine and we hold each other tight.

"I'm sure they simply have her on a few sedatives to keep her calm. Victims of suicide often become very upset after they realize they've failed, it's best they keep her sedated until she becomes calm on her own."

 _How does he know that?_

"Giles?"

"Some slayers have been known, especially after being first called, to be so traumatized by their experiences that they attempt to, end it. Watchers are trained to recognize the signs."

"Well, Dawn's not a slayer. What would make her want to kill herself?"

I look at B and she looks back, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

"She found out something... something that really upset her."

"Something? What something?"

"It's something we should've told you a while back but we didn't."

"Buffy, whatever it is I'm sure you had your reasons, I'll deal. Just tell me."

She takes a paranoid look around.

"Dawn's... she's the key."

There's a moment before the realization kicks in.

"The key?"

Buffy just nods her head and Xander looks at me for confirmation. I smile at him, giving him what he wants.

"You mean... the one we've been looking for? The one Glory wants for some reason?"

B squeezes my hand and I squeeze right back.

"Since when?"

"Since always, apparently..."

He takes a few seconds to think.

"And that's why she...?"

"Yes..."

"God, Dawnie... but she's all right? I mean you said the doctors told you she was gonna be okay right?"

"They said she's not gonna die. That's all they'll say."

"She could be lying there thinking about the next time she'll have a chance to hurt herself and there's nothing we can do about it."

I take B in my arms, holding her close.

"We're gonna help her B. We'll save her as many times as we have to."

I hold her tight.

 _We have to do this, she's our daughter._

 **Glory's POV**

"See? Now, if you had just delivered my pizza on time like you were supposed to, I wouldn't have to torture you."

I kick him in the back while he lies almost dead on the floor. I take a bite of my slice.

"Well, let's be honest. I probably would've tortured you either way."

One of my grubby minions walks in.

"What?"

"Your Holiness, we have news."

"What kind of news?"

"We're... we don't know just yet."

"So you have news, but you don't know what the news is yet?"

I look down at the pizza guy on the floor and kick him in the stomach.

"Is that any way to treat a god?"

"I'm sorry your godliness, but I thought you should know that the young child of the slayer's family was seen sneaking out of her house. Shortly there after she was seen running out of the magic shop rather upset."

"Why?"

"That is the part we don't know your scrumptiousness."

"Well get on it then. I want to know exactly what got the slayer's sister in such a huff. Report back when you think you've found out."

"Yes your greatness."

 **End of Chapter 55**


	56. Unwanted

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 56**

Unwanted

 **Author's Note:** So, I had some trouble adding the most recent chapter. It's also possible that I uploaded the chapters in the wrong order. I think I've figured out a work around to the problem for the moment. I'm hoping to see the problem fixed soon.

 **Dawn's POV**

 _It's all lies. None of it was real. Every last minute of my life has been a lie. It's not even my life, it's another lie the monks created to make me think I was real. To make me think I was worth something. But it was all lie, and they all went along with it. They all believed the lies that I'm actually anything more than a stupid key the monks are trying to hide from Glory. Hank, Joyce, Buffy and Faith all believed the lie._

I look down at the gauze wrapped around my wrists, slightly red from the bleeding it was doing earlier.

 _They believed the lie that I tried to kill myself. You can't kill something that isn't real._

I reach out and touch the red part of the bandage and it stings.

 _It may look real, it may feel real, but it's not. None of it is real, none of it matters. I don't matter._

I hear the door open and I turn away in the hospital bed, turning my back to whoever came in.

"Go away..."

Whoever's in here walks around the bed and starts checking the stupid machines around me. She looks down at me and smiles, I smile back.

 _What the hell am I doing?_

I turn my back to her.

"I said go away..."

She doesn't go away.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have to check your vitals."

She tries to take my hand to look at my wrist but I pull my arm away, holding it close so she can't try again.

"I'm fine, go away..."

"It's my job."

"Then don't do your job and get fired, just go away."

There's a couple of seconds where nothing happens.

"All right... I'll be back later."

"Or not..."

She leaves, but not for long because she comes back a few seconds later.

"What part of go away didn't you understand?"

"Well, you didn't tell me to go away, you told her."

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.

"Fuck off!"

"Wow, such strong language for a woman your age."

I look straight at him.

"You don't like strong language? Well go the fuck away and leave me the FUCK ALONE!"

I turn completely away so my back is facing him. I hear him pull up a chair and sit down.

"Well actually I like a girl who isn't afraid to be un-ladylike. It's a thing."

 _Why can't people just leave me alone? I just want to be left alone._

"How are you feeling?"

"How do you think I'm feeling?"

"If I had to guess? I'd say not so great."

"Good guess..."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Other than leaving me alone? No..."

He takes a deep breath.

"Your mom is worried about you. So are your sister and her girlfriend."

I pull the bed sheet up over me more.

"I don't have a mom, or a sister, and I couldn't care less about her girlfriend."

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Because why?"

"Just because okay? Now leave me alone."

 _If I told him the truth he'd never believe me. He'd never believe I'm just some stupid magical key the monks made up._

"Hmm, quite the argument, well whether you care about them or not, they still care about you. I know that's the way my parents were. I did a lot of crazy weird things when I was a kid, drugs, drinking, staying out all night, sometimes I didn't come home for a couple of days at a time. But no matter what I did, to myself or anyone else they always loved me, always cared about me. It's the way most families are. Parents in particular seem to care to the point of insanity."

 _Parents? What parents? I don't even know which parents of mine are real. And even if I did, all four of them lied to me._

"Yeah, some caring parents I've got... they didn't even care enough to be honest with me."

"About what?"

 _About the fact that I'm not real._

"It's nothing..."

"Well if it's nothing then why did it land you where you are?"

"Because..."

"Because it just did?"

"Yes..."

"Hmm..."

"They lied to me."

"And that made you want to do what you did?"

"Yes..."

"Must have been a pretty big lie for you to slit your wrists with a piece of broken glass..."

"It is..."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

 _Yes... sorta._

"No, I just want to be left alone."

"Okay, I can see you're kinda gung-ho about this whole moping stuff. But I'd like you to think about one thing. Maybe the reason your parents didn't tell you is because they were worried about how you'd react to the news, whatever it is, and I'm guessing since you reacted the way you did they had good reason to worry. They love you Dawn. No matter what they love you with all their hearts, and they only want what's best for you. And whether you're willing to admit it or not, you love them just as much."

I hear him leave.

 _It's not that simple... is it? The monks made me love them by giving me fake memories of all the nice things they did for me which never really happened. Do they really love me like he says they do?_

I look down at the bandages on my wrists again.

 _Can they really love me after what I did? I mean, they said they loved me no matter where I came from, but can they really mean it? Can they really love me even though I never existed before 3 months ago? Is 3 months long enough to love someone? Does it mean anything? I just don't know..._

 **Buffy's POV**

 _I hope she's all right._

I wrap myself around Faith's arm a little more tightly. She looks down into my eyes and plants a kiss on my forehead before smiling at me.

"She's gonna be fine B."

I put my head on her shoulder.

"I hope so."

"She's a Summers, she'll get through it."

I look up at her again.

"She's not just a Summers Faith."

She plants a kiss right on my lips.

"I know... which gives her so much more of a fighting spirit."

"Better believe it..."

Ben comes down the hall from where Dawn's hospital room is. I sit up and Faith and I turn our attention to him, as does my mom and my friends. He comes up to us and we stand to meet him.

"Is she all right?"

"She's fine."

I grip Faith's hand and she grips right back.

"She's really okay?"

"Physically she'll be just fine."

"What about emotionally?"

"She's still angry. But I think when I talked to her I tried to get her to think about how much you guys love her and how much she loves you so hopefully it won't be long before she'll want to talk to you."

 _I hope he's right._

"Thank you, Ben, for looking in on her, we appreciate it."

He just smiles.

"Anything I can do to help. But for now I have things I'm being paid to do, that I have to get back to."

"Right, yeah, you should do that. Thank you though."

"No problem."

Ben walks off and I turn to Faith, pulling her to me.

"Well at least that's something right Buff?"

"I guess so..."

"She loves us B, we just gotta remember that. We gotta hold on to that."

I look up at Faith and kiss her lovingly.

"I know baby, I know."

 _At least she's all right, that's something. She may not want to deal with us right now but she's gonna have to eventually. Sooner or later the hospital is going to let her go and when they do she'll have to come home with us._

 _I don't want it to go that way. I want her to come home because she wants to, not because she has nowhere else to go. She doesn't have to call me mom if she doesn't want to. She doesn't even have to say I love you if she doesn't feel it. I'd just be happy if I didn't hear the words I hate you from her ever again._

 _Maybe that's asking too much, maybe I'm thinking too much about what I want, but I won't know what Dawn wants until she feels like telling us. It's gonna take a lot of time, and a lot of love but I hope maybe one day we can just be a family, the four of us, like we should be._

 **End of Chapter 56**


	57. What Happens Now?

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 57**

What Happens Now?

 **Author's Note:** So, here's the chapter that I accidentally uploaded early because of the problem with getting the chapters up. A few of you may have read this already while many of you probably haven't. Going forward though, it's all new.

 **Dawn's POV**

 _This is probably a bad idea. In the history of the world this is probably the worst idea anyone has ever thought up, and since I've been around forever I can say that and it's probably true. But I can't spend the rest of my life here in this room, no matter how fun it might sound. I gotta at least try and talk to them._

 _The monks may have put me where I am, they may have made up all these stupid memories in my head, and everyone else's head, but now that I'm here it's all up to me. It's my decision whether those memories mean anything. It's my decision whether my family means anything to me, whether I love them or not. And the truth is... I think I really do love them._

 _Despite the lying and the keeping secrets and how it all hurt me so much I wanted to kill myself... I still love them. It's because I love them that I did what I did pretty much. They're my family, they're supposed to love me and take care of me when I need it. I'm supposed to be able to trust them to be honest with me when I ask them about stuff, especially when it's about me._

 _But when I realized that they were talking about me behind my back, I didn't feel like that at all. I didn't feel loved or trusted or any of the things you're supposed to feel in a family. I felt alone, and afraid with no one to trust. And when I found out what they were keeping from me I felt betrayed and terrified of being more alone, and of the evil hell god who wants to find me and do something to me so she can destroy the world or something._

 _So I slit my wrists, hoping I could make it all stop. All the pain and the fear, I just wanted it all to stop. And it did, sorta._

I look down at my left wrist, wrapping my right hand around it just under the bandage.

 _It doesn't feel so bad compared to the pain of slicing your wrists open with broken glass. I'm still scared, and angry with them for lying to me and keeping the truth about me for so long from me. But more than anything I'd like to know... what happens now?_

The door opens and I just stare down at my wrist.

"Dawn?"

"Come in Mom..."

She comes in with two other people and it's not like I have to guess who they are.

"Or is it Grandma?"

 _Then again..._

"Maybe it's just Joyce."

"It's whatever you feel comfortable with as long as it doesn't involve swear words honey. How are you feeling?"

They pull up some chairs and sit down.

"Like I cut my wrists open with broken glass and nearly died, how about you?"

There's this awkward silence in the room and it makes me smile. Faith finally breaks the silence.

"Worried about you, mostly..."

I sit back in my hospital bed.

"I'm okay... I guess."

Buffy finally finds a reason to speak.

"Are you sure? You're feeling all right?"

"Well I'm alive, apparently."

"Yeah you are kid. Which is a good thing, isn't it?"

I don't say anything.

"Well I think it's a good thing, and your mom and Buffy think so too."

"Yes, we're very glad."

"We're SO glad you're all right. We were so scared you might not make it."

 _Yeah well they would be._

"Well I did, so stop worrying."

Again the room falls silent for a moment before Buffy speaks.

"Well, since you're feeling all right and you survived... what happened, we were wondering if there was anything you wanted to talk about."

"Not really..."

"There's nothing you want to talk about? Or maybe ask us? Nothing you want to say?"

I just keep staring down at my wrists.

"Maybe..."

"Well whatever it is, we're not gonna push you into talking about anything. Take your time..."

I look right at Faith, interrupting.

"Do you love me?"

"What? Of course I do, I love you very much I..."

"Not just, I mean, all three of you... do you guys really love me? Even though I'm just a key?"

"Yes, we do Dawn."

"We love you a lot Dawnie, you're more than just a key to us. You're family."

"Yeah kid, you're our flesh and blood."

I hold up my wrist and shake it.

"I think that message got through."

The room goes quiet for a second.

"Dawnie, honey, please don't make jokes like that. We know you're angry at us and you feel like you want to hurt us back, but we're sorry and we promise to be completely honest with you from now on. No more secrets. We were just worried that if you found out the truth, you might..."

"Hurt myself?"

"Yes..."

"Well I did, so I guess you know me pretty well."

"Dawn..."

Buffy reaches out and touches my hand. All the sudden this weird feeling washes over me. I look down at her hand on mine and then look her in the eyes.

"You had every right to be mad at us, and you still do. We'll do whatever it takes to get you to trust us again, to make you feel safe, the way a family should be."

"And what kind of family are we exactly? I don't know of anyone who has three mothers. I'm not really sure I like the idea myself."

"We'll just have to figure it out together. We can just go with whatever feels normal."

"Nothing about this feels normal, nothing about me feels normal. I don't know how to feel about any of this."

Faith puts her hand on Buffy's and that weird feeling gets even worse.

 _I really don't feel right._

I pull my hand away and they seem hurt by it.

"You don't have to figure everything out right away kid. We can just take things day by day and sooner or later, it will make sense."

"I may not get a chance to take it day by day..."

"What do you mean Dawnie? Why would you say something like that?"

I take a long deep breath.

"Because of Glory..."

"Dawn, we're not going to let that thing touch you. We'll keep you safe from her and anything that she throws our way. Besides, she doesn't even know you're what she's looking for, and she won't figure it out."

"I did..."

"What?"

"I figured it out, and I'm just some stupid little kid made out of a key."

Faith tries to reach out to me again but I pull away, making her stop.

"You're not stupid Dawn."

"Maybe not, but I'm betting that Glory is smarter than me, and she's stronger than you two. I just don't think that when she comes..."

"IF she comes Dawn, IF she comes..."

"I just don't think that when she comes, there will be anything anyone can do to stop her."

"Dawn, I've gone up against her and in one punch I put her straight through a brick wall. We might not know if we can stop her, but at least we know that I've probably got what it takes to go toe to toe with her. That's something isn't it?"

I look down at my feet.

"I guess..."

Grandma provides her two cents.

"Everything will work out Dawn, don't worry."

"An evil hell god wants to hurt me, or kidnap me... maybe even kill me, I can't, not worry about it. It probably would've been better if you'd let me die, at least then I know I wouldn't have destroyed the world."

"Don't say that Dawn, we'll protect you."

I lie down on my bed, turning away from them as I do.

"Whatever..."

They don't say anything because they know I'm right.

 _They know that they don't have a chance against her and I'd be better off dead._

"Dawn we don't even know that what Glory wants with you is to destroy the world. It could be something less horrible, something that won't hurt you."

"How many hell gods do you know of who are cute and cuddly and don't want to hurt anyone?"

 _Silence..._

"That's what I thought... just leave me alone..."

"Dawn..."

"Go away, I wanna be alone."

After a few moments of not speaking I hear them getting up and leaving. Buffy decides to make a statement.

"Dawn, I know you don't want to believe us right now, but we are going to protect you from Glory no matter what, and when all this with her is over you'll get that chance to figure out exactly what everything means. We're gonna go now, but we'll be back soon all right?"

 _Why does everyone have to make a statement before leaving me alone?_

The three of them leave after I don't say anything.

 _At least I know they really do love me, they aren't just faking it because of the fake memories. And I know they're going to at least TRY to protect me, even though they can't. That's gotta mean something... doesn't it?  
_

 **Glory's POV**

I walk into this hell hole they call a magic shop.

"You'd think I'd feel at home in a hell hole, but apparently not."

"Yes, your godliness. The pitiful state of this entire dimension pales in comparison to your incredible glowing beauty."

"Stop sucking up and show me what you've got. This better be good."

One of the pieces of crap I've got working for me walks up to me, kneels down and presents a book to me, open to a particular page.

"We believe we may have found that which you most desire."

Three more of them kneel before me and they all speak in unison.

"THE KEY!"

 _Really?_

I snatch the book from the grubby hands that has been holding it. I look over the book and the writing is so small it would make my head hurt to try and read it.

"One of you give me the gist of it will you?"

"Yes, your holiness. This particular book makes reference to the key several times, but on this particular page it says that the key was made into a sister for the slayer."

 _A sister for the slayer?_

"So that rug rat you saw running out of this place..."

"Was the slayer's sister, and therefore, THE KEY!"

I smile big and it makes all the minions around me cower even more.

 _My key, I've found my perfect key at long last. I've got to go get it._

"Are the preparations for the ritual complete?"

"They are your greatness. All that is required is to make the key itself ready which will begin as soon as the key is recovered."

"Do we know where the key is?"

"She is at the hospital for some strange reason."

 _Perfect..._

"Then I guess it's about time I collect my pretty little..."

I start walking toward the door so I can go fetch my key but that feeling in me stops me.

"No... now is not the time for this Ben. I have to get my key."

The feeling gets stronger.

"Go away, leave me alone."

His body rips itself through mine.

 **Ben's POV**

 _What the hell? Where am I? What am I doing here?_

I look around and we're in some sort of magic shop, and then I look down at my clothes and I'm wearing a silk dress.

"Or maybe I should say what the hell is Glory doing here?"

"It's not your concern, please just hand me the book and we shall leave..."

I look at the book in my hands. I pull it away from them as they try to grab it, kicking one of Glory's minions to keep him back.

 _Something important has happened, and it has something to do with this book. Did she find it? Did she find the key?_

I start looking over the page that was open in Glory's hands.

 _The monks had to be sure the slayers would protect the key with their lives. So they sent the key to the slayers in the form of a child, in the form of Dawn._

 _Oh my god... Dawn?_

 **End of Chapter 57**


	58. The Key to the End

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 58**

The Key to the End

 **Author's Note:** I didn't get an email for my last chapter I uploaded, What Happens Now, so I don't know if many of you did. It's better if you read it first if you haven't. But regardless, enjoy!

 **Faith's POV**

 _She's talking to us... that is something, isn't it? If we can just keep talking, and reassuring Dawn that everything will work out I think we'll be okay. We can take her home and start trying to live our lives again. Maybe even work at being a regular family. Of course there's nothing regular about this family. A mother, her two slayer daughters and their kid. Their kid who used to be a mystical key to some sort of lock. Definitely not your normal family._

I squeeze B's hand just to know she's with me in this. She looks at me and there's no doubt in my mind, not that there ever is.

 _We love Dawn. We have to keep her safe from Glory and everything else that comes our way. Keeping Dawn from Glory may be the only way to keep the world safe, and obviously Dawn too. We have to find a way to stop Glory before she finds out. But first we have to worry about Dawn and how she's doing, before we worry about..._

"Ben..."

 _Ben?_

B stands up to meet him as he comes this way.

 _He doesn't look so good._

Buffy calls out to him.

"Ben!"

"What's up B?"

"I just want to thank him again for what he did for Dawn."

"Oh, yeah we should do that."

 _I still don't know what's up with him, but he did do something good for Dawn, and for us. We should thank him for that._

Buffy calls out to him again.

"Ben!"

He turns down a hall about 10 feet away, completely ignoring us. B looks at me and I just shrug.

"I'll go see if he's okay."

She goes toward him. Everything that bothers me about Ben tells me to go with her, so I do.

"Maybe he's just busy, doesn't have time to talk."

"Maybe, but he didn't look that great, and he did help us with Dawn. He's a friend."

"Okay..."

She stops as we hit the corner Ben turned down.

"You don't think so?"

"No, I do, I mean, he's been great. He's helped take care of me, you, Joyce and even Dawn. He was the only one who was involved with all of us. Don't you find that a little odd for an intern?"

"True..."

"And he's just sorta creepy himself. Something about him bothers me."

"They could just be short staffed after you cleaned them out of their Omega members. But you're right. Something is going on with him. Whatever it is we'll ask him about it after we thank him."

She starts to go after him again and I do the same. We get a few inches from him and Buffy tries to get his attention again.

"Hey Ben!"

He doesn't respond until she grabs his shoulder and he turns around, pushing her hand off him.

"What do you...? Buffy, Faith, what are you still doing here?"

B and I both look at each other.

"We're waiting for the psychiatrist to come back and speak to Dawn again so we can take her home."

"Dawn's still here?"

"Uh, yeah..."

"You have to get her out of here."

"We will, as soon as she sees the psychiatrist we'll take her home."

"No, you can't take her home, she'll find you there."

 _She?_

"Who?"

"You have to get Dawn as far away as you can. Get her out of town... out of state... hell, get her out of the country if you can."

 _He's not making any sense._

I step up to him.

"And why are we doing that?"

He catches me off guard as he grabs me and shoves me up against the wall.

"If you don't, she'll find her and then we're all doomed."

I'm about to assert my slayer authority but Buffy beats me to it, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him off me. She throws him clear across the hall against the opposite wall and is on him in a split second, pinning him there. I walk up behind her as she starts interrogating him.

"If there's some reason why Dawn needs to get out of here then tell us but attacking us is not going to achieve that."

"What's going on Ben?"

He looks down at his shaking hands and gets a panicked look on his face.

"She's coming..."

 _Who's coming? Wait, he can't mean..._

"Glory?"

Buffy turns her head to look at me at the mention of Glory, taking her forearm off Ben's throat. Ben confirms the sudden fear in me and B.

"Yes..."

 _He's connected to Glory?_

Buffy finishes my thought out loud.

"How? How do you know she's coming?"

"I've been trying to keep her contained all day until I could figure out what to do. But it's too late, she's here..."

 _Here?_

"Where is she Ben?"

He looks up at us.

"I'm sorry..."

I'm about to ask what he means when he changes into...

 _Oh my god, Glory!_

I take a step back in shock.

"Hey kids, looking for a threesome?"

Before either of us can react Glory puts her fists together and double punches B in the stomach, knocking her into me and sending us both crashing through a wall and into a pile on the floor of a patient's room. Everything is sort of faded as I feel the back of my head and my hand has blood on it.

"Buffy?"

I look at her lying on top of me. She's unconscious and not moving and there's a huge cut on her forehead.

 _Dawn..._

I try to move B off of me but the stinging pain on the back of my head makes everything darker.

 _Gotta... save... Dawn..._

I manage to move B off me, but I try to sit up and everything goes black...

 **Glory's POV**

 _Ugh, those slayers actually tried to touch me._

I wipe my clothes off any place they might've touched me.

 _Maybe I should kill them for daring to touch a god._

I look around me.

 _I'm in a hospital. Wait... if they're here in this hospital... then my key must be somewhere nearby._

I look through the hole I made at the human in the bed.

 _Too old to be my key. The minions said she was the sister of the slayer, which I think was younger when they were reporting information to me._

I look down each way down the hall.

 _Humans usually have other humans around them. There aren't any around here except doctors who are all coming from the same direction._

I head in the opposite direction looking for more disgusting humans. I reach another hall and look both ways down it.

 _There are some humans over there, and they look like the ones my minions described... kinda._

I start towards them.

"Which room is my key in?"

They all get up to look at me. One of the young children talks to the others.

"This must be Glory. We can't let her get to Dawn."

They all take a few steps forward like they're going to try and fend me off.

 _Stupid humans..._

"What happened to Buffy and Faith?"

I walk right up to the young guy and push him, making him fly into the young girl who was hiding behind him. The older guy comes up to me and actually tries to punch me. I grab his fist and crush it in my hand.

"This is how you throw a punch old man."

I punch him in the stomach, making him fly through the door of one of the rooms. Now all that's standing between me and my key is some old woman who's standing between me and one of the doors.

"You won't get near my daughter..."

I roll my eyes at her.

 _Fine..._

I walk over to the wall and grab a chunk out of it. I throw it at her and it lands on top of her, pinning her down.

 _She was protecting this room. My key must be in there._

I walk into the room and there's a cute little brunette girl sitting on a bed. She looks up at me and curls up into a ball.

"Who are you?"

 _Playing dumb eh?_

"Oh honey, you know exactly who I am so, don't play dumb. You're my key."

She hugs her knees a little harder.

"You... you stay away from me..."

"Not likely kid, you're my key, and I need you to get home. So one way or another you're coming with me."

I walk up to her and she tries to get out of the bed she's lying in, but I grab her by the hair. She bats my hand off her hair and just for fun I let her go, acting like it worked.

"You get the hell away from me, my... my sis... I have people who can take you, you better leave now."

"They're sleeping sweetie, they aren't coming for you."

She backs up a bit away from the bed.

"Leave me alone... please?"

I grab one side of the bed separating us and throw it out of my way.

"You're coming with me one way or the other, now come on."

I grab her wrist and pull her to me, scooping her up over my shoulder.

"Let me go..."

"Shut up kid."

I turn around and walk out the door and head for the nearest exit.

 _My key, I've got my key and I'm finally going home. Woo hoo, I'm finally going home and getting out of this crap hole of a dimension._

 **End of Chapter 58**


	59. Battered and Bruised

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 59**

Battered and Bruised

 **Buffy's POV**

 _What are we going to do?_

I run my fingers through my hair, making sure not to get any blood from the cut healing on my forehead in my hair.

 _Everything is falling apart._

I let my head drop into my hands and take a deep breath.

 _She's got her. Glory's got Dawn and she knows she's the key. And to make matters worse, not one of us is in perfect fighting condition. Glory really did a number on all of us. I walked away with a minor head injury but only because Faith cushioned the impact for me. She got the worst of it, even though she tells me she's fine. The huge cut on the back of her head says different though. The doctors said most people who suffer the kind of head injury she did would have massive head trauma, but they say she only got a lot of bruising all over and that big gash on the back of her head. I guess there's something to be said for slayer strength and healing._

 _The others weren't so lucky. Xander's bones were bruised at the neck and ribs where she shoved him. The doctors said if he's not extremely careful for the next day or so his ribs could crack or break. He'll have Anya looking out for him though until he heals up. But he's here, ready to help in any way he can. He and Anya were the luckiest of us though. Giles and my mom got the worst of it._

I look up at Giles sitting across the extremely lob sided table in the magic shop, trying to flip through the pages of the books the Council left for us about Glory and the key... about Dawn.

 _Trying because it's hard with a hand fractured in 3 places. But he refused to stay in the hospital and since his injuries aren't life threatening they couldn't keep him after they bandaged him up. My mom on the other hand is still in the hospital._

I reach out and take Faith's hands in mine. We face each other as we wait for Giles to find something to give us some sort of hope that we can save Dawn and the world.

"I can't believe I just left my mother at the hospital like that."

She tucks my hair back behind my left ear.

"The doctors said she was gonna be all right B. The piece of the wall Glory threw at her may have broken her rib and punctured one of her arteries but they got to her quickly and saved her life. She'll be okay."

"But when she wakes up, I might not be there with her."

She kisses me softly.

"If we don't save the world it won't matter if you're there with her or not. Your mom will understand that. We have to focus on saving the world and getting Dawn back if we can."

 _God Dawnie..._

"I hope she's all right. There's no telling what Glory might be doing to her right now."

"I doubt Glory would risk hurting Dawn until the ritual."

 _The ritual?_

"You've found out something about what Glory's gonna do to Dawn?"

We all turn to Giles, the only one of us who can read the languages these books were written in.

"Small pieces, yes. Though given the thoroughness of the Council's explanation of their research method, I should know more soon. Based on what I know at the moment, the ritual Glory wishes to perform, whatever it may be, is time sensitive to a specific alignment of the planets which only occurs once every 800 years. If Glory were to do something to disrupt the element in Dawn which is the key she would risk it's success and have to wait another 8 centuries to try again. At which point both Dawn and Glory would be long dead."

Xander speaks up.

"But Glory's an immortal... couldn't we just ask her to wait a couple hundred years?"

"Unfortunately not. Glory's existence, much like the key's, is directly connected to their counter part, which in Glory's case, appears to be Ben."

 _But that means..._

"If Ben dies, so does Glory?"

"It seems that way, yes. If nothing else I think that Ben's death would trap Glory's essence in his body until she is drained completely of all her energy and disintegrate when Ben's body decomposes."

"So, what you're saying is... we have to kill Ben?"

 _I don't know that I can kill an innocent._

Xander voices my thoughts.

"But we can't kill Ben. He's an innocent in this isn't he? He just happened to be the guy with Glory living inside him. We can't kill an innocent human."

"Speak for yourself."

Our attention turns to my one and only.

"Faith?"

"Someone has to stop Glory from doing this ritual that could destroy the world, I nominate me. We know I can take on Glory, and even if I can't kill her because Ben doesn't come back, I can at least keep her occupied so she can't do whatever it is she's gonna do to Dawn."

 _But she's not a hundred percent._

"But Faith, what about your head?"

"My head's fine B, and even if it weren't I'm still the best choice. I'm the only one with enough strength to keep Glory busy."

"Then I'm gonna be there with you. I'm not going to let you face off against an evil hell god alone. I'll be there to give her twice the distraction."

She kisses my knuckles.

"Thanks B."

"All right then, the rest of us will deal with any of Glory's minions who might get in our path to rescuing Dawn..."

He looks around at the bodies of Glory's demon minions on the floor.

 _Probably Glory's doing but it could also be Ben's._

"Now all we must discern is where, when and what the ritual entails."

I squeeze Faith's hands in mine and she squeezes back.

 _We have to save Dawn, I don't know what I would do if we lost her._

 **End of Chapter 59**


	60. Family

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 60**

Family

 **Author's Note:** So, here's the penultimate chapter of this story. Big battle coming up, but first... family.

 **Buffy's POV**

I hold her tighter to me, desperate to find some kind of comfort with her in my arms.

"Are you sure you can do it? I can't say I like the thought of you killing someone. Even an evil someone."

She shifts against me in my arms.

"I mean, I know it's different than before. I'm not worried about you... falling back into old habits or anything like that, I just hate the idea of you having more blood on your hands."

Faith looks down at her hands and I look with her, sliding my hands down her arms to hold her wrists as we do.

"There'll always be blood on my hands B, even after the real stuff washes away. What's important is why it's there."

I take her hands in mine and pull them to her chest, holding her close.

"I hope it doesn't come to that Faith. Things were about to get better, we were all on the mend. I was just starting to think that our family might actually come together, that we might be happy and now this happens."

I kiss the top of her head as we sit here together in the back room of the magic shop, dreading what's to come.

"My mom is in the hospital, she almost died. You've got this huge gash on your head and Dawn..."

I feel like I want to cry as I say her name. Faith sits up and turns to face me.

"Hey..."

She takes my head in her hands and kisses me sweetly.

"Your mom's gonna be fine remember? And so am I. My head's almost completely healed thanks to slayer healing... you don't have to worry about me or your mom."

There's a long pause between us.

"We'll just have to wait and see about Dawn."

I reach out and put my arms around Faith, who wraps her own around me.

 _Dawn..._

"Why blood? Why did it have to be a blood ritual Faith?"

Her hand strokes the back of my neck and I hold her tighter.

"I don't know B."

"If Glory starts the ritual, she'll be in so much pain. I can't stand the thought of Dawn that way."

"I couldn't stand the thought of you in that much pain when Glory captured you, but Dawn..."

I pull myself back to look her in the eyes.

"We have to save her from that baby. We can't let our daughter go through that. Maybe it won't be as bad as Glory did to me, but it will still be bad. Dawn's just a little kid."

Her hands rest against my cheek and I turn my head, kissing her palm.

"We will B, one way or another we will. That's why we're going in just before the ritual begins, so we can keep Glory from hurting Dawn and starting the ritual. Giles said the ritual doesn't start till just after the sun goes down tomorrow, and he should have the location for the ritual in a few hours. We'll save her Buffy, whatever we have to do, we'll save her."

I pull my hands from her back and hold her hands in mine. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Do you think it was right to tell Giles, Xander and Anya they couldn't come? They love Dawn very much and they want to help."

"They won't be a hundred percent and they know that. Giles has his broken hand which Glory would zoom in on to throw us off, not to mention her minions, and he is still gonna have that limp tomorrow. As much as Xander loves Dawn like the little sister he never had, he has a hard enough time walking let alone fighting. You and I are the only ones who have a shot at going up against Glory. And, that's probably how it should be."

 _How it should be?_

"What do you mean?"

"It's our job to protect her B, we're her parents."

 **Dawn's POV**

 _Help me..._

She pinches my cheek and I try to hold back from screaming at how hard she's pinching.

"Oh you're so cute..."

She lets go and I grab my cheek, burying my head between my knees, which I've been hugging ever since I got carried here kicking and screaming for my parents... my real parents.

"So young and cute..."

Glory pats me on the head really hard and I bite my lip and hug my knees even harder, trying to hold back the tears.

 _Someone save me..._

She sits down across from me and looks at me.

"Aww, hey what's wrong kid?"

 _I can't save myself. I'd never get far enough before she caught me. Then she'd probably hurt me worse then pinching me and patting my head._

"I asked you a question sweetie."

She hits me in the forehead with her palm. I finally look at her, trying my best to look mean and not cry.

 _I don't want to cry anymore, but I'm trapped in a room with a hell god who wants to hurt me. I can't help but cry. Crying isn't going to save me. There's only two people who can really save me, if they're even going to save me._

"What's wrong honey?"

"I want my mommy..."

"Aww! You want your mommy? Well too bad, you don't get to see them, not right away anyway. They'll probably try and show up to stop the ritual, but nothing is going to get in the way of me getting the hell out of this hell god forsaken dimension. Besides, don't you mean mommies? As in plural? You know, those sneaky little idiot monks must've had a serious mother complex to give you THREE mothers."

She gets up and starts walking around, talking to me like we're friends. I just bury my face into me, my forehead resting on my knees.

"I mean were they TRYING to screw you up? It's hard enough to deal with one mother when you're a kid, at least that's what I hear anyway. Me? I never had a mother, well, not my own mother anyway. Ben's mother tried to be all mother figure on me for a while when I first managed to siphon some energy out of Ben so I could start looking for a way out of this crap hole dimension. She really bugged me, asking if I was okay and stuff. See when I first figured out how to take over Ben's body I didn't really have enough power to do anything. I just sort've laid there for a while before I had to go back inside Ben."

She knocks something down off a table because I hear a crash, but don't look at what it is though.

"His mother saw it happen one time and for some stupid reason she decided to take care of me instead of finding out what was going on. I guess she figured this wasn't something a hospital could fix... anyway, so she starts taking care of me right? Talking to me when I started to last longer and get enough energy to kinda move. That kinda went on for a couple of years. I think she thought of me as her daughter or something, telling me I was pretty and crap like that. I really hated getting treated like a human. So naturally when I got up enough strength I had to kill her to make her shut up."

 _They have to save me. I need them to save me._

"But YOU!"

She grabs me by the hair and pulls my head back so I'm looking up at her.

"YOU'VE got THREE of them. They must drive you even more insane than me."

I just try and block out the pain of her hand pulling on my hair as I start to cry again.

"Asking you how you're feeling, caring about you even after you tell them not to. Worrying about you when something's wrong, and worrying about you even more when nothing's wrong because something MIGHT happen. It's really pretty pathetic don't you think?"

She lets go of my hair and I grab the back of my head. A few seconds later she slaps me in the back of the head, making my tears worse.

"Isn't it pathetic?"

"No..."

"What's that?"

"I said no, it's not..."

She comes around and crouches in front of me.

"It's not? Why?"

"They're parents, they're supposed to worry. They love you."

"So you're saying all the stuff they do. The worrying and all that... that's love?"

"Yes..."

"Ugh, how horrible. And you like that?"

"Yes..."

"Why?"

"Because... I love them."

"Which one?"

"Doesn't matter..."

 _It really doesn't matter which one, I love them all._

"You love all three of them?"

"Yes..."

"Why?"

I wipe the tears out of my eyes.

"They're my parents..."

 **End of Chapter 60**


	61. For the Love of

**She Who Was My Love Chapter 61**

For the Love of...

 **Faith's POV**

 _It all comes down to this, this one moment, this one fight. I feel like everything is riding on what happens in the next few minutes, and it is, because Dawn is in the balance. Dawn's life depends on everything we're about to do. Giles said the ritual involves spilling Dawn's blood into a specific place, at a specific time, and if it does then the whole universe is thrown into chaos. We have to keep that from happening. Not only would it destroy the world, but it would cost us everyone and everything we care about._

I look over at B. She glances at me for a split second as we go full steam to our destination. She's carrying a one handed ax on her back and a short sword on her belt. I've got a long sword on my back and the knife Wilkins gave me on my belt.

 _Dawn connects us. We've connected on many levels, physically, emotionally, mentally. But Dawn connects us in a way we've never known before... through her. I'm connected to Buffy through Dawn, and Buffy's connected to me through Dawn. Dawn's connected to us the same way. It's the kind of thing that goes beyond love, and we may lose it all if we can't win this... if Glory opens the portal._

B stops and I stop with her. Before I can ask what she stopped for, I follow her line of sight to a giant tower standing over 100 feet high in the middle of a construction site.

"I guess we came to the right place eh B?"

"Yeah, Giles did say the ritual would probably happen somewhere up high, I guess that's where it happens."

I look around the general area.

"Dawn and Glory must be close by. She'd want to keep our daughter close for when..."

"LET ME GO!"

Buffy and I immediately look each other in the eyes and have the same thought.

 _Dawn..._

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

We both look to the edge of the wall in front of us and jump, grabbing it and pulling ourselves up to survey the scene. A number of Glory's demon minions are dragging Dawn, fighting for everything she's got, toward the tower's stairway.

"DAWN!"

B jumps down into the construction site and makes a beeline for Dawn. I jump down and follow her, looking for Glory. Buffy grabs one of the minions and pulls her off Dawn, tossing him 10 feet.

"STAY AWAY FROM HER!"

Before I can get there, B goes flying and I stop in my tracks at the sight of Glory now standing between me and Dawn. Dawn looks right at me with a look of fearful hope. I try and tell her with my eyes that everything's gonna be all right. I take up a fighting stance as I see Buffy get up out of the corner of my eye.

"You okay B?"

"Yeah... what the hell was that? Foreplay?"

I chuckle at B's comment.

"Well she did say she wanted a threesome, maybe we should've accepted."

B comes up and stands beside me in her own fighting stance. Glory scoffs at us before barking orders at her minions.

"Take the kid up to the ritual point and start the ritual when it's time. I'll be there after killing the slayers."

"Yes Glory!"

They start to pull her along again and Dawn tries to fight back even harder than before, doing anything she can against the five stronger minions.

"BUFFY! FAITH! HELP ME!"

I wanna go to her and help her, but Glory's standing between us and our daughter. The hell god puffs up her hair and hikes up her breasts.

"You want some of this? Come and get it."

We attack, once we're sure Dawn can't get caught in the crossfire of the fight. B pulls out her ax while I grab my long sword. She swings at Glory's head while I go for her body, both of which Glory blocks by grabbing the blades with her bare hands. Buffy and I both knock her off her feet by kicking her in the back of the knees with full slayer strength. Again Buffy goes for the head while I take a shot at stabbing her through the stomach. Glory stops us both, inches from her skin, this time bending back the ax blade and snapping the sword blade in two.

She uses the broken edge to slice at our ankles. I do a black flip out of reach and when I'm upright again I see Buffy's backed off too. Seconds later Glory's back on her feet and throwing the end of the sword away. Buffy and I both get rid of our damaged weapons and face off against Glory.

"Is that it? Is that all you've got? I guess going home is gonna be easier than I thought."

 _She won't get Dawn._

Buffy takes her on first.

"We've got more than that hell bitch."

A split second later I charge her myself.

"You're not going home, you're going down."

We start throwing consecutive punches at her, most of them either being deflected or dodged.

"Sorry, I prefer someone going down on me, not the other way around."

I go for a spin kick, hitting her in the back of the head and making her stumble a bit. B follows up with a shot to Glory's stomach, making her fall forward from the waist up. I grab her by the back of the neck and dress, spinning her before throwing her across the site and into a pile of bricks. Buffy and I watch the pile of bricks, knowing that it's not over yet.

"HELP ME!"

We look up at the tower above where Dawn's voice screams for us. Buffy looks at me, and I look right back as the bricks move.

"We have to get up to Dawn."

"Or you could stick around and get killed."

Our attention turns to Glory. I look at the stairs a few feet away and then at Glory.

"Get to Dawn B, I'll hold off the bitch from hell."

I take a few steps forward and get ready to fight.

"Faith..."

"I can take her B, just get to Dawn."

Buffy starts to go, but Glory moves with lighting speed before I can react, picking up the end of my broken long sword, throwing it at B's ankle. Buffy screams, dropping to her knees and then grabbing her ankle. I put myself between Buffy and Glory.

"Are you all right Buffy?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I've just got a sword in my ankle. I'll get to Dawn."

She gets up and starts limping towards the tower while I keep Glory from charging her by being in her way. I charge Glory myself, my own lightning speed kicking in. I lead with a hard right cross to her face which makes her stumble.

"Ow! That actually kinda stung."

 _Good..._

I follow with a left hook which doesn't change her footing. I go for a right to the stomach but she deflects it and fires back with a few rights and lefts and I block them, coming back with a flurry of my own to her face and body, only half of which actually connect.

 _I think she's off balance._

I take a step back and try for a kick to the gut at full slayer strength. She catches it though, throwing it into the air and forcing me to do a mid air back flip to stay on my feet. Before I get my balance she tries for a punch to my ribs but I manage to block it by grabbing her wrist, holding it back. I pull her forward fast lifting my knee into her stomach and making her stumble back as she grabs the place where I kneed her.

"Ow! Where the hell did you get this kind of power? I've only gone up against one slayer with this kind of power before you."

I follow up quickly with a series of punches, landing as many as I can.

"You'd be surprised how hard I can fight when the ones I love are in danger."

I hit her with a hard spinning backhand, taking her off her feet and to her knees. I use a roundhouse kick to her head, making her fall on her back.

"I knew there was a reason I hated love... no..."

 _No?_

She tries to get up, shaking, but I put a foot on her collarbone and hold her down.

 _What's going on?_

"I… hate you..."

All of the sudden Glory changes into Ben, who's bleeding all over and trying to keep breathing.

"Ben..."

"I'm sorry... I never..."

I take out my knife and kneel down, my knee full into his stomach.

"I know... so am I..."

I thrust the knife deep into his heart and move back, leaving the knife in him. I stand up and watch as the blood spills out of his chest, slowly killing him. I turn away as he stops moving, to the aftermath of Glory. I look up towards the tower, where B's trying to make her way up to Dawn. She's only gotten up a few levels. I rush to her side.

"Buffy..."

She looks up toward the top of the tower.

"Dawn's still up there..."

I look up myself before staring into B's eyes.

"Glory's minions don't know she's dead."

"And she told them to start the ritual even if she's not there."

"I'll get to her B... I can get there faster than you can."

I start my way up but she grabs my arm, pulling me to her and kissing me.

"I love you Faith."

I put a hand to her cheek as I back up the tower.

"I love you too Buffy."

I turn and make my way up the stairs, running as fast as I can.

 _I have to get to Dawn._

I grab the railings and such to try and launch myself forward whenever I can, getting closer and closer to the top of the tower.

 _I have to get to Dawn before they start the ritual. If I don't, they're going to cut into her, make her bleed until she destroys the world. I have to stop that from happening. If I don't..._

The whole tower shakes like an earthquake just hit, throwing me off balance and making me stop.

 _Oh god..._

I don't wait for the shaking to stop as I sprint up the last few stories to the top of the tower. A glow comes from below as I look out at Dawn screaming as they slice into her with the knife.

"Dawn!"

She sees me and Glory's former minions face me.

"Faith!"

The minions come at me and I grab the first two by their necks and throw them off the tower, punching the second two and knocking them off too. I grab the last one by the neck and raise him above my head, crushing his windpipe.

"Your god is dead. You didn't have to do this."

I crush his windpipe even more before making him join his friends. I look to Dawn again finally and before I know it I'm standing in front of her. I break the chains holding her there and her arms are around me.

"Faith..."

My own arms wrap around her and I hug her tight.

"I'm sorry..."

I look at Dawn, her tears of pain staining her cheeks.

"There's nothing to be sorry for Dawn."

"This is all my fault."

I pull my hands up to her cheeks, her own arms still around me.

"It's not Dawn... nothing about this is your fault."

I pull her to me again as I feel tears in my own eyes.

"This isn't your fault."

"I'm sorry..."

I start to rock her back and forth in my arms as she cries.

"I'm so sorry..."

"Ssh, it's all right Dawn. This isn't your fault."

We stand there at the edge of the tower crying, the world ending below us.

"I love you Mom..."

She pulls away to look at me.

"Dawn..."

"You and Buffy both, and Mom too, I love you..."

I kiss her forehead gently.

"I love you too Dawn, we all do... you're our daughter."

She smiles up at me through her tears.

"I love you Mom..."

"I love you too Dawn..."

And then I push her off the tower...

 **Fin**

 **Author's Note:** Stay tuned for the sequel... which I assume you're going to want? I'm going to take a bit of a break for a few weeks and focus on Sins of the Past/The F in Pike while I get into the sequel. The more reviews I get, the more inspired I am to write and I want to thank everyone for being a part of it. I do have a title picked out for the sequel though. It's called "Mothers".


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